The Mating of the Wersh
by alohakaoha
Summary: Remus challenges Sirius into being unable to date, snog, frisk or shag any girl until James can get Lily to go out with him. What happens? Hilarity ensues as Sirius tries to fight his urges. Marauder era. SBOC, JPLE.
1. The Dumbslut

**Well, I hope you all enjoy this new fic of mine. For a complete summary and insight into what this is, check out my profile. **

**I don't own it.**

* * *

He didn't know her name. Here he was, Sirius Black, just turned seventeen, having a delightful snog with some American bird he met in London's Hyde Park, and he could not remember her name. It might have been the several pints of ale he consumed in recent hours, or maybe her name wasn't really ridiculously important. He knew she was studying in London, and more importantly that it was her last night here.

He managed to pull away. "Listen, it's been fun, but, ah, I've gotta go, my train to erm, Bristol leaves in an hour and I've got to get to the station." _Smooth, Sirius, smooth_.

She looked at him wistfully, "So this is goodbye, then?"

"I'm 'fraid so, love." He gave her what he hoped was a devastatingly handsome smile before turning away.

James Potter was not happy that his friend had Apparated onto his feet. "What's the tally today?" He asked, pushing Sirius off of his bed. "And you've really got to remember which room you're in."

"Oh I didn't forget, Prongsie." Sirius grinned. "And tally, for today, just the one bird, but that brings my week's total up to twelve snogs, and two shags, both foreign."

"Honestly, how can you keep track of these things?" James asked, now sitting up in his bed.

"I usually categorise by snogging skill." He laughed.

"Oh well that's pleasant, not even names?" James asked, incredulously.

Sirius clapped a hand to his forehead. "This last girl, right before I came back...could not remember her name. She was studying business or something, and she's going back to America tomorrow. Merlin...what was her name?"

James rolled his eyes at his friend's problem. "Well, go sleep on it, and maybe you can come up with it tomorrow when we get our books, and Moony and Wormtail are going to get here tomorrow."

---

It was barely ten o'clock the following morning and Sirius was already on the prowl. "You know, Padfoot, if you weren't my best mate, I'd deck you for asking me if the next girl's worth the effort." James muttered as the entered Flourish's and Blotts.

The two dark haired boys were met by Remus Lupin, who grinned at them. "I was wondering when you tossers would get here. Remembered that this is N.E.W.T. year then?"

James hugged Remus first. "It was more of me dragging this one," he nodded his head at Sirius, "through Diagon Alley without him throwing himself on some unsuspecting female."

"They're never unsuspecting, Prongs." Sirius grinned, as he took his turn in hugging Remus. "They find me, I just follow through."

"I'm terribly sorry you had to live with him all summer." Remus laughed. "Alright, how're we doing this book buying business this year?"

"We're all perfectly literate, Moony, I think we can handle it." Sirius grinned, taking his rather crumpled book list from his pocket. He and his friends parted ways, and Sirius bounded towards the Muggle Studies books.

He found their seventh year school book easily, _Muggle Innovations of the 20th Century, _and started leafing through it. This, however, didn't last long as he caught sight of a girl with flame-coloured hair. He casually began to follow her down a row of books when a heavy hand clapped him on the back.

"This can't be Sirius Black, can it?" The deep voice behind him bellowed. Sirius turned around slowly to see the grinning figure of Gideon Prewett. "Merlin's beard, and Fabian said you'd never grow into your features."

Sirius grinned, eyes wide that his prank idol, Gideon Prewett, remembered him. "He said that, then?"

"Glad to see you're still among the living, Black, that was quite the long pause." Gideon grinned. "So, you're, what, seventh year now, right?"

"Yeah, just picking up a book on Muggle Studies and then have to go and get some of the juicier material, Potions," Gideon made a face, "Defence Against the Dark Arts, you know…"

"That I do know." Gideon nodded.

"Why are you in Flourish's and Blotts, then? I didn't expect that the Auror department would have you guarding a bookshop."

"No, personal business today. Actually, I'm actually the supply wench. Gwen's getting her school supplies today. You know Gwen right?" Gideon asked, now leading Sirius as they looked for the phantom Gwen.

"Er…" Came the reply.

"Sixth year, this year. Ah, found her." Gideon continued. "Gwen, look who I've found!"

She was the strawberry blonde he'd seen walking past, the one that he had been so ready to turn on the 'Sirius charm' for. He'd seen her around the common room, but she'd so often been in the company of Lily Evans that he never really took a second look.

"Sirius Black." Gwen noted, a look of disdain painted clearly on her face.

Gideon stared at the two of them expecting them to start talking animatedly about their summers. When this didn't happen, Gwen gave her brother a contemptuous glare before walking along the row of books, Sirius watching her every move. "You do realise that you're gawking at my baby sister, right?"

Sirius blanched.

"And she's told me about your reputation. Now, had you not been staring at my sister just then, I would now be nodding approvingly of your behaviour, but seeing as it appears she is now involved-"

"-she's not!" Sirius blurted out.

"Nevertheless, pull anything like that on her…" Sirius nodded, Gideon did not have to finish this statement, but he continued anyway, "You'll have to answer to Fabian, and me, and maybe even Molly. No, most definitely Molly."

"Padfoot!" Remus called. "We've been looking all over for you."

"And you're Remus! Gads, the day Fabian and I are split up." Gideon grinned at the surprised Marauder. "Wasn't there another one in your little group?"

"Two, actually." Remus corrected, Sirius nodding emphatically. "Prongs found her."

"Oh this should be good." Sirius grinned. "When and where?"

"Transfiguration section, five minutes ago." Remus replied. "But you've already missed it."

"Missed what?" Gideon asked curiously, looking over to see his sister still perusing the section of books.

"James, er, has this thing for Lily Evans. It's gotten a bit weird, what with him asking her out nearly every day." Remus explained, shifting uncomfortably. "He, ah, told her that he wouldn't mind giving her Transfiguration lessons this year."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "And what did Lily say?"

"It wasn't that she said anything, it was more on the fact that she turned his hair a brilliant shade of turquoise." Remus grinned. "If anyone needs Transfiguration lessons, Lily's at the bottom of the list."

"Gideon, I'm done in this section." Gwen said, handing four heavy books to her brother. "I just need to get a potions book."

"Gwen! Did you have a pleasant summer?" Remus' voice was amiable.

Her scornful look changed to a much more pleasing demeanor. "It was as quiet as it gets living with Gid and Fabian." Sirius noted the hint of amusement in her voice, as she gave her brother a friendly nudge.

"So probably more exciting than mine?" Remus chuckled.

"Well, the Head Boy has never been an exciting person." Gideon added, the weight of the books not fazing him in the slightest.

Sirius coughed, and Gwen shot him a quick glare. "I'm not Head Boy."

"James is." Sirius grinned, and noted how quickly Gwen's eyebrows shot up.

"That Dumbledore is off his rocker." Gwen muttered. "He must've forgotten he chose Lily Evans as Head Girl."

Remus made a sputtering noise. "What was that?"

Gwen looked at Gideon, dismissing Remus's noise of disbelief. "Gideon, potions book, and I've got to stop by Madam Malkins."

Gideon made an apologetic face to the two boys. "What she says goes, unfortunately."

"See you at school." Sirius called as Gwen walked behind Gideon.

"Oh you cannot be serious." Remus said exasperatedly as he looked at his friend's face. "And do NOT make the obvious joke."

"You set it up." Sirius grinned. "And what are you talking about, anyway?"

"I saw you, and I saw how you were looking at her!" Remus exclaimed.

"And how was that, Moony?" Sirius asked, as they headed over to the Defence Against the Dark Arts books. Sirius' eyes lingered on a book claiming to give the advantage over enemies.

"Like the _dog_ you are, tongue lolling about stupidly." Remus replied.

"Moony, no need to lecture." Sirius said, airily. "I've already been threatened by Gideon Prewett: No Foul Play."

"And since when has that stopped you?" Remus sighed in exasperation. Sirius grinned and was about to speak when he saw James coming near them, hair still a brilliant shade of turquoise.

"I believe we did colour changing in transfiguration _before _Christmas hols last term." Sirius' laugh uproariously.

"I thought it was a harmless line!" James muttered as Sirius pointed his wand at James' head, turning it back to it's jet black colour. "Thanks for that, mate."

"I could've left a turquoise spot, but…considering you're my friend and all." Sirius grinned.

"That and Gwen is watching." Remus commented, rolling his eyes. James gave Remus a questioning look. "Gwen Prewett, sixth year."

"Oh right." James nodded. "I thought you weren't a fan of gingers."

Sirius cast a glance in Gwen's direction, who immediately turned her attention back to her new textbook. "I decided I should stop discriminating."

"A likely story." Remus grumbled. "Come on, I told Peter we'd meet him at the Leaky Cauldron ten minutes ago."

* * *

So what do you all think? Reviews are always welcome! 


	2. The Challenge

Here we go, onto chapter two! Moste thanks to my wonderful beta fuegodealmas for dealing with my crazy train.

* * *

James was regaling the boys with every minute detail of his five minute encounter. He somehow managed to extend five minutes into an entire half hour of conversation. "He's really bad this year, isn't he, Padfoot?" Peter asked, shaking his head.

Sirius was shaking his head, he'd been half listening ever since Gideon and Gwen had come into the Leaky Cauldron, seated several tables across from them. "Padfoot." Peter repeated, kicking him. "You're staring off into space."

"More like staring at Gwen Prewett." Remus clarified, and Peter raised his eyebrows. "Look, I can steal his most valuable chips and he'll do nothing to stop me." He leaned across the table and took a warm, off-the-fryer chip from Sirius' plate.

"Don't think you won't pay for that later, Moony." Sirius said, reverting his attention back to the table.

"-And she smelled like roses, boys. Roses." James finished dreamily, looking at his mates, none of whom seemed to have heard a word he said. "Twenty thousand points from Gryffindor for not listening to me."

"James, that really isn't how it works-" Remus was about to begin a long explanation at the rules to the points system when Sirius interjected.

"- d'you think she'd go out with me?"

"She who?" James asked, craning his neck around the Leaky Cauldron's dining room.

"Whom." Remus corrected before eating more chips.

"Gwen Prewett." Peter replied. "He even let Moony take some more of his chips, he's been staring so long."

Sirius brought his attention back to the table, as he returned into Gideon's line of sight. "Seems like a girl with a hidden wild side." He decided, grinning at his friends.

"And we're sure you'd love to find out." James chuckled. "Though you do realise you'd have to Gideon and Fabian to answer to."

"Oh must you honestly be a killjoy, Prongs?" Sirius laughed. He looked at Remus for his opinion but his friend was just shaking his head. "Oy, tell me about Alexa, Moony. Does your quiet librarian have a fiery personality in bed?"

"Alexa and I have only done a bit of snogging." Remus quipped. "And besides, not all of us want to be like the illustrious Sex God, Sirius Black." James and Peter laughed heartily at Remus's joke.

"Is that what they're calling me these days?" Sirius grinned looking at James.

"Don't ask me, as we haven't shagged." James snorted. "And, let's keep it that way, eh?"

"Suit yourself." Sirius said with a guffaw. "Remus, want to have a go?" Remus rolled his eyes. "Peter, how about you? There's a broom closet over there that has our names on it." Peter looked at Remus nervously, who shrugged. The boys kept silent for a moment before Sirius, James and Remus erupted into laughter that brought upon rather nasty stares from other customers. Peter looked lost.

"-Can't even enjoy a decent meal." Gwen muttered brusquely, loud enough for Sirius to hear as she and Gideon walked past, to the exit. She stole a glance at Sirius who grinned back at her, raising his eyebrows suggestively. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the door, to find Gideon looking at her curiously as to why she'd taken so long to leave the Leaky Cauldron.

"That Gideon's going to be a problem." Sirius nodded. It was as though he was developing a military stratagem, the way his brow furrowed in thought. "He's already onto me, you know."

"Half the bleeding Leaky Cauldron is onto you." James laughed. "Shame the same can't be said for me and Evans."

"Oh everyone at Hogwarts is aware, James." Peter said encouragingly. James gave Peter a doleful smile.

"Everyone except Evans." James replied.

Remus sat up so quickly in his chair, he slopped butterbeer down the front of his robes. "Dumbledore!"

"What?" James asked confusedly, looking around as though the Headmaster would be visiting Diagon Alley.

Sirius caught on quickly. "He knows, too. He's got to, the loon!"

Remus gave Sirius an imploring look, as though he should speak ill of any staff. "Lily Evans is _Head Girl_."

James' eyes widened to the size of galleons. "There you go, mate! Pure, unfiltered Lily-time, just for you, Head Boy!" Sirius grinned, Remus and Peter began laughing. "Who knows, maybe one day she'll finally just say 'yes' to your pathetic lines."

"And you could do much better?" James scoffed.

"Oh not with Lily, she loathes me." Sirius grinned. "Now Gwen, give me some time to be charming, and she'll-"

"-Merlin's saggy underpants, Sirius." Remus sighed with exasperation. Sirius looked at Remus with a bit of shock. Remus _never_ used language at any time.

"What?" Sirius asked, incredulously. He looked at James and Peter, who shrugged.

"You cannot seriously think about women like that all the bloody time, can you?" He asked, looking to James and Peter for some support. James held up his hands indicating he was staying neutral, Peter leaning back in his chair with the same sentiment.

"Well when I'm not shagging a girl…" Sirius grinned.

Remus sat quietly in his chair, and within moments, the same maniacal look in his eye that came about during exams was back. He grinned, looking at James, then at Sirius, muttering wordlessly. "Moony, you alright?" Peter asked, leaning forward, trying to get Sirius' attention.

"I'm more than alright." Remus grinned. "I, Remus Lupin, have come up with an excellent idea." Sirius was intrigued, he grinned at James. "Good that you two look interested because this involves you both."

"Well, spit it out." James said, nudging Remus.

"You, Sirius Black, are not allowed to snog, frisk, or shag anyone-" Remus started, amidst Sirius's sputtering protests "-_until_ James Potter has successfully gotten Lily Evans to fall for him. Whether it takes one date...or twenty… shenanigans on your behalf are off limits, Black."

Sirius thought this over. "Well, James, you have a very exciting day ahead of you on the Hogwarts Express. I expect you and Lily to be betrothed by the time we reach Hogwarts." He grinned smugly at Remus. "Really, I think I can go a DAY without a snog, frisk or shag, Remus."

Remus looked at James, whose case with Lily was probably more hopeless than Sirius' need for a daily shag, or snog...or frisk. "Well the gauntlet has been thrown then."

"This will be easy like Marlene." Sirius grinned at his own joke. Remus rolled his eyes. "Oy, you did not say I couldn't make nasty jokes."

"Right, right. Well, this should be an interesting term then." Peter chuckled, shaking his head at an irritated looking Remus, a cheeky Sirius, and a slightly distraught James. "Interesting indeed."


	3. The Girl

Enjoy! Disclaimer: Only character that's mine is Gwen.

* * *

Sirius lay reclined across three seats in the train car, Peter sitting across from him. "What a load of tosh, two of our mates being authority figures." Sirius muttered.

"Well you've got to be happy for James, at least. Maybe he'll break the Evans curse." Peter suggested. Sirius grinned and nodded.

"Good point, Wormtail." Sirius replied as the compartment door opened.

"Oh, bloody hell." The not-so-pleased voice of Gwen Prewett filled the compartment. "Last time I'm ever late to the platform."

Sirius sat up so fast, he found himself ridiculously dizzy. "Gwen, are you on prefect rounds?"

Gwen rolled her eyes before heading to sit next to the window. "Clearly you know nothing about me, Black. Peter, care to fill him in?"

"She's not a prefect, Padfoot." Peter said simply.

"Well _you_ could've told me that." Sirius said. The 'Sirius charm' was something that just came naturally whenever a person of the opposite sex was involved. He kept his hands firmly in his pockets, remembering Moony's challenge, though he was quite sure that he would be hexed into Sunday if he tried anything with Gwen at the current state of things.

"And besides, Gideon and Fabian would disown me if I was prefect." Gwen replied, a grin tugging at her lips with the thought of her very prank-focused older brothers.

"All your friends are prefects, though, Lily, Alexa, Remus…" Peter noted.

Gwen nodded. "I guess I have a natural pull towards authority figures."

"That would explain why _we're_ not friends, Gwen." Sirius replied. She looked at him straight on for the first time since entering the train car.

Her eyes staring a little too long into his grey ones, she quipped "Yes, yes it would." Rolling her eyes more at her less than witty response than at Sirius' forward nature, she just sat back into her seat.

"Gwen?" Remus already looked exhausted and they weren't even on the train for more than ten minutes. Alexa's blonde head was peering over his shoulder to see her.

"Everywhere else was full." She said, answering his unasked question. "And I mean _everywhere_ else."

"Oh, we're your last resorts?" Sirius chuckled as Remus urged him to sit up. Alexa came in behind him, sitting next to Remus.

"Yes, Sirius." She sighed, shaking her head. "Anyway, Alexa! I see your vacation to Malta went well."

"Beautiful, sunny days, every day. It was horrible." She grinned. "How was your summer?"

"Oh, quiet...I watched Molly's kids a bit, and Gideon and Fabian took me on some Auror missions." Gwen said offhandedly as though it was a weekend spent baking.

Sirius was intrigued. "Did you round up any of those Death Eaters?"

Gwen looked at him, shocked that the question out of his mouth did _not_ have to do with him being a self-absorbed bastard. "Er...they did. I never actually got to go while he was doing that, but I helped with research. They basically made me read the paper cover to cover. It was very boring, especially because I couldn't do any sort of magic."

"Bet you learned loads of spells, though." Sirius continued on this tangent of interest. Remus smirked at Alexa.

"A few." She replied, pulling out a copy of the Daily Prophet. Sirius moved to sit next to her. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I haven't read the paper yet." He said as he began to drape his arm over her shoulder. "Oy, Moony, does this count?" Sirius asked just as Gwen stood up and sat across from him. "Never mind, then."

The rest of the ride consisted of Sirius 'accidentally' tapping Gwen's foot with his, to which she would not respond, at least for the first half hour of it. "Remus, honestly how have you managed to stay friends with _him?_" She asked, as she stood up. She forced Peter to sit in between her and Sirius.

"A great deal of patience. And selective sensory deprivation." Remus grinned, looking up from the crossword he and Alexa were working on. "Just ignore him."

"You know, I'm still in this room, I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk about me like I was a non-entity." Sirius whined.

"You _are _a non-entity, Black." Gwen snapped.

"Now that's overdoing it a bit, Gwen." Remus started, removing his arm from over Alexa's shoulder.

"Thank you." Sirius answered with great flair.

"Don't make things worse, Padfoot." Remus replied, grinning at his friend. "Besides, maybe this is the year Sirius Black changes his reputation."

"Highly, _highly_ unlikely." Gwen sniffed, turning a page of the Prophet.

Sirius was about to protest when the door to their compartment slid open. "She's...she's like that Foreigner song." James said, his face blanched. He sat across from Sirius and buried his head in his hands.

"What?" Alexa asked, looking at Remus for some explanation.

"Muggle band." Remus replied.

"Oh, which song, Prongs?" Sirius asked, grinning. "Was it 'Feels like the first time'? Does that mean Moony's challenge is over?"

" 'Cold as Ice.' That might as well be her new title. Lily Evans, 'Cold as Ice.'" James muttered.

"Mate, she can't sacrifice her love for you unless she was actually in love with you to begin with." Sirius said, his voice comforting as he placed an apologetic hand on James' knee. "Ah, if she only knew what a sick dog you were without her."

"Thanks, Padfoot." James sighed.

Gwen kept to her paper for the rest of the ride, and was secretly grateful that James showed up, as he proved to be an adequate distraction for Sirius. She, however, managed to steal some glances at Sirius, though she rationalised it was to make sure _he_ wasn't looking at _her_.

She wasn't as stealthy about her sidelong glances as she thought she was, however, and the prefects sitting across from her shared knowing smiles.

--

As they entered the Great Hall, Gwen strode ahead of the Marauders to find the friends she couldn't sit with because of her tardiness to King's Cross. "Wormtail..are the girls' skirts shorter this year?" Sirius asked, eyeing the legs of a sixth year Ravenclaw before wandering over to Gwen, who was walking ahead of them. "Oh, they've got to be. Look. LOOK, Wormtail." The two boys stopped, both turning their heads to the right as they watched a group of seventh year Ravenclaws walk past. "Really, they _have_ to be shorter this year, I can't be making this up!"

"Sirius, you're really unbelievable." Peter said, though he was chuckling at the distraught sound in his voice. "Maybe they've just gotten taller."

"Well spotted, well spotted. That could be it." Sirius nodded, as they found seats. "Moony would know."

"Moony knows _all_." Peter replied. The two boys stared at Remus as though he knew what they were talking about.

"Oh, what _is_ it?" Remus asked, stifling a laugh.

"We think that the girls' skirts have gotten shorter this year." Peter said quickly, which earned a very stern look from the other seventh year Gryffindor girl sitting next to Remus.

" 'We' or 'he'?" Remus asked, pointing at Sirius.

"He." Peter confessed. Sirius jabbed him in the ribs.

"I believe his brains are being addled by the lack of female contact." Remus replied.

"They are not 'being addled,' as you say." Sirius protested as James sat down.

"Whose bits are being addled?" James asked, grinning at his friends. "Sirius'?"

"Oh, like you would know." Sirius muttered, as the Great Hall's chattering came to a halt as Dumbledore began his annual speech.

After the speech was over, however, Sirius was the first to speak. "Prongs, your opinion, have the skirts gotten shorter this year?"

James was about to answer in the affirmative when he realised Lily was sitting next to Sirius. She rolled her eyes and shook her head as she started on her salad. "Er, maybe you're imagining it, mate."

With Remus' goading, the talk turned from Hogwarts' receding hemlines to Quidditch, which caused James to get his elbow deep within the gravy boat when someone accused his favorite player for the England side to be using Felix Felicis.

Sirius had completely forgotten about the hem issue until they were back in the Common Room and he saw Gwen chatting at the fireside with her good friend Dorcas Meadowes. "Oy Gwen, nice legs!" He grinned, as Remus pushed him up the stairs to their dormitory.

"Ignore him, Gwen. Sorry." Remus replied, while Gwen stared daggers at Sirius.

"Oh, so you're the new girl on Sirius Black's list, then?" Dorcas mused, unable to contain her grin.

"Please, like he'd get the chance." Gwen replied. "And besides even if I wanted to-"

"Excuse me?" Dorcas asked, looking at her incredulously. In all the years she'd known Gwendolyn Prewett, she had never proposed an 'if' situation when it came to relationships or the boys who fancied her. "Do mine ears deceive me, Gwen Prewett?"

"What?"

"If you don't fancy a boy, don't you usually leave it at that?" Dorcas grinned.

"Oh honestly, I was just talking, Dorcas." Gwen replied, running a hand through her hair. "Besides, I can't stand him to begin with, so anything further is completely out of the question."

"Right. Right you are." Dorcas grinned.


	4. The Boy

Thanks for all of the reviews, everybody! They're really really encouraging. I love them all! And never fear, an update is always nigh.

Many many profuse thanks to my beta fuegodealmas for editing, commenting and all together making my writing as cohesive as possible. (Because, if you knew me, you'd know that my thought trains have the frequent tendency of getting derailed).

* * *

"Well that's the thing isn't it? With Sirius Black there's no dating, it's a shag and be done with it." Dorcas whispered through the bedcurtains.

"Dorcas, I told you an _hour_ ago, I don't want to talk about it. And besides, I don't want to shag Sirius Black." Gwen muttered, she rolled over so that she would face Dorcas' bed. "He'll just give up on me and find some stupid Hufflepuff."

"I think he's already been through the Hufflepuffs." Cassandra Dearborn's voice loftily descended upon their conversation. "Two of my best mates, their friends. I'm pretty sure that the only girls he hasn't been with are the Gryffindors and Slytherins."

"Yeah, but who wants to touch a Slytherin?" Dorcas laughed.

"Other Slytherins?" Gwen offered, sitting up. She knew that once the talk turned to any sort of relationships, there would be no early bedtimes for anyone. "Hang on, Cassandra, didn't you and Sirius get stuck in the broom closet third year?"

Even in the dim light, Dorcas and Gwen knew that Cassandra was blushing. "That was THIRD YEAR, highly unfair, and all he did was kiss me once on the lips."

"Blech, I feel sorry for the poor girl that ends up with him, diseased flea bag." Gwen laughed.

"I'd be careful about what you say-" Dorcas grinned.

"-For the _last time_, Dorcas! I'm not getting anywhere near Sirius Black." Gwen groaned exasperatedly. "Don't think that I won't hex you either. I learned some new ones from Fabian and Gideon this summer."

"Speaking of delightfully good looking blokes, is Fabian still single?" Cassandra asked with a teasing lilt to her voice.

"I was always more partial to Gideon, myself." Dorcas giggled.

"Oh disgusting." Gwen replied, feigning a retching sound. "Really, they're not as attractive as everyone thinks. They fart and pick their bogeys, and then they flick them...at each other."

"No...Dorcas, still fancy Gideon?"

"Yeah, and you with Fabian?" Dorcas grinned.

"Yep." Cassandra laughed. She received a swift pillow to the head.

"Oy, I bet Sirius would LOVE to see girls pillow fighting!" Dorcas laughed, getting a pillow to her own head as well.

---

Gwen sat at breakfast alone, leafing through her textbook. She was the only one of her friends in Arithmancy, and that didn't meet until later. "Good morning, Gwen." Sirius' attempt a silky, seductive voice interrupted any potential study time. She didn't look up and continued to read, attempting to ignore him. He would have none of it.

"Pass me the jam, please?"

Gwen looked up to find the jam. It was directly in front of him. "It's right there, Sirius."

Sirius grinned. "I know." Gwen rolled her eyes and went back to her reading. "What's that, then?"

Gwen ignored him again, only being marginally more successful for a time. Then he took her book.

"Arithmancy: Differentials and Regressions by Radcliffe Heaton, Brainy one aren't you?" Sirius grinned, flipping through her book.

"And you're better off giving my book back to me, thanks." She said, giving him a glare that so often worked on her older brothers.

"Fiery one, you are." Sirius grinned, closing the book, though keeping it next to him.

"Oh you are such a stupid git." Gwen said in a huff. "Accio book." The book flew into her arms.

"I was about to give it to you, but I was busy with my jam." Sirius looked at her, grinning as he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

She picked up her book and walked out of the Great Hall in a huff. She accidentally brushed against James on her way out. "Hey James?" He stopped and looked at her. "Tell Sirius to stop being an obnoxious wanker for me?" She didn't even wait for a response before she walked up a set of stairs.

James ruffled his untidy black hair. "Heading her off early today?" He asked sitting across from Sirius.

"What?" He asked after a swig of pumpkin juice. "Oh, Gwen?"

"You remembered her name, most impressive." James said, nodding approvingly. "Look at what happens when you go a day without shagging, imagine your potions grade."

"Hey now, Slug let me go forward to seventh year potions, and I did better than you, if I remember correctly." Sirius grinned.

"Fine, fine." James laughed. "She told me to tell you you're an arrogant wanker...no obnoxious." An eyebrow raised at his grinning friend.

Sirius' haughty expression quickly left his face. "Did she?"

"'Fraid so, mate." James said, helping himself to a piece of toast. Sirius threw his breakfast down onto his plate, knocking over his goblet. "Something I said?"

"Prongs, this...this is taking so bloody long." Sirius growled.

"Note," James said to no one in particular, "_Two days _to snag a girl is 'too long' in the eyes of one Mister Sirius Orion Black."

"By this time I would've had another girl in my sights." He continued, ignoring James' comments

"Is there any girl present that you'd move on to, once you're done with Gwen?" James asked, arms folded.

Sirius craned his neck, looking around the Great Hall. He shrugged. "They usually present themselves to me."

James rolled his eyes. "Padfoot, I really don't think two days is a long time, I've been waiting _years_."

"Not all of us have your most undivided attention span, Prongs." Sirius muttered, hastily siphoning the spilled pumpkin juice with his wand.

"Seems like you're improving on that front Pads. You might actually make it through the week!" James grinned. "Hope she doesn't make you wait seven years though."

"Thanks, mate." Sirius said quietly.

Later that day, Sirius was randomly perusing the Marauder's Map and absentmindedly muttered Gwen's name. He saw a little flag pop up in the library, an excellent opportunity, he thought, since she was alone. Picking up his Muggle Studies book, he packed it along with several rolls of parchment. 'Might as well get work done while trying to get in her good books.' He thought.

When he came into the library, he walked slowly to the area of tables where she was sitting, heavily involved in scribbling notes onto parchment. "You can't sit with me." Gwen said when she saw him coming by.

"I wasn't going to." He answered, no hint of a grin or joke. He sat at the table next to hers however, but didn't even look up at her as he spread his books out onto the desk.

He flipped through some pages, pausing to write on parchment. When he wasn't writing, however, the tip of his quill was tapping. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" Sirius asked, surprised, he was actually enjoying the reading on motorcycles.

"Black, what is it that you're intending to do here at the library, there are dozens of other tables, why pick the one next to me?" Gwen hissed, her Arithmancy notes lay forgotten.

Sirius looked around at the other tables surrounding them. "Maybe I wanted something nice to look at during a study break." He mumbled, as he looked at Gwen. He waited for some sort of cheeky response, angry comment, or any mixture of the two, but none came.

Gwen turned back to her Arithmancy, vainly trying to hide behind a large piece of parchment, ignoring the warmth she was feeling in her face. "Just...don't tap your quill."

"Duly noted, Gwen." Sirius replied with a half smile. He found himself staring at Gwen during particularly boring sections of the book (textile innovations). They continued this way, studying in silence for several hours until Sirius' stomach gave an audible rumble. "Merlin, I'm famished."

Gwen looked at her watch. "It's near eight, we've missed dinner. Perfect."

"The upside is I've finished my Muggle Studies paper." Sirius grinned, packing his things.

"The downside is I will be hungry till tomorrow morning." Gwen groaned as she carried her books.

"Not necessarily." Sirius grinned. "What do you fancy, Gwen? Anything."

"Is this some kind of joke?" Gwen asked as they walked out of the library towards Gryffindor tower.

"No, honestly, I'll get you your dinner. Don't want Gideon's dear sister to starve, do we?" Sirius asked. "My idol would be most displeased."

"Chicken parmesan." She said as they headed up a set of stairs. They ended up at the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Wronski Feint." Sirius said, the portrait door swung open. "Chicken parmesan, eh?"

He asked as they climbed through the portrait hole. He dumped his things onto a chair. "Will you still be here in half an hour?"

"Well I have nowhere else to go, Black." She replied, as she looked at him. She realised his eyes were a cool shade of grey.

"Excellent." He grinned and was out the door again.

"Gwen!" Dorcas' voice came from a corner of the Common Room. "Did you just come in with Sirius Black?!"

"Oh, Dorcas it's not like that." She replied, setting her Arithmancy on the sofa next to Sirius' discarded school things. "I was studying at the library and he shows up, he didn't even sit at the same table, and he got his paper done. We didn't even talk."

"And how did you know he got done with his paper?" Dorcas asked.

"He told me as we were packing up. We missed dinner, and I didn't even realise it." Gwen sighed, as her stomach felt as though it would devour itself.

" 'We'?" Dorcas grinned. "Oh Gwen-"

"-you're making a big deal of nothing, Dorcas." Gwen sighed, as she leaned back into the sofa. There was commotion at the portrait hole as someone came through.

"They were faster than expected." Sirius grinned, handing Gwen a plate of chicken parmesan, complete with a goblet of ice cold pumpkin juice. "There you have it."

Gwen's jaw dropped. She was either ravenous, or mildly impressed that she was actually staring at a plate of delicious looking food. Or both. "Wow, er, thanks."

"Not a problem. Just leave it by the fireplace and they'll clean it up." Sirius grinned as he tossed the things from his chair and collapsed into it. "Cheers." He raised his goblet up to Gwen who grinned back, she was already eating the chicken.

Full of food and exhausted from a day of studying, Gwen left her plate at the fireside, picked up her things and headed up to her dormitory. Though she spent most of her time talking to Dorcas, it didn't stop her friend from immediately giggling and blurting out "You just had dinner with Sirius Black!"

"Dorcas...I've had dinner with Sirius Black for the last five years. You have too. It's not a big deal." Gwen replied, even though the image in her head was of Sirius when he had managed to spill his pumpkin juice down his front.

"Yes, but that was the most proper I've seen you at any sort of dinner, Gwen." Dorcas laughed.

"I swear you're like a giant magnifying glass. Honestly, maybe Molly's just taught me some manners this summer." Gwen snorted, though her learning manners was impossible after watching three boys under the age of 7. Gwen _did_ learn how to properly chuck gnomes out of the garden, courtesy of her nephews Bill and Charlie. "He's just a bloke, Dorcas, really."

"A handsome bloke who brought you dinner." Dorcas grinned. Gwen rolled her eyes, but she felt her stomach do a cartwheel, and it was most certainly not from her dinner.


	5. The Progress

**Many thanks to the tireless work of my beta fuegodealmas, sending me edited versions of the fic at wee hours of the morning.**

**Don't own it, don't own it, don't own it.**

* * *

"She's warming up to me, Padfoot." James grinned as he sat on the edge of his bed one night. Sore from Quidditch, but extremely elated at the news he was about to share. 

"Evans? Really? Your beloved Tiger Lily didn't threaten to hex you into oblivion today?" Sirius grinned, tossing his socks into a corner where they would be neglected until Remus started to retch from the smell.

"Far from it, she gave me a compliment on my Charms work." James was still grinning hugely.

"Was this before or after you managed to douse Marlene McKinnon with your charm?" Remus chuckled from across the room.

"Oh shut it, werewolf." James laughed. "_Before_."

"Lily's ridiculously good at sarcasm, Prongs." Peter grinned. "I mean, you're probably so in love with her, James, you wouldn't realise if she was joking or not, would you?"

James became extremely worried now. "Oh...oh, what if she _was_ joking?"

"She wasn't." Sirius replied as he rolled his eyes. He stretched out lazily onto his bed. "And boys, day three has officially come to an end, and, as you can see, I'm still standing."

"You're lying down actually." Remus corrected.

"Yes, yes." Sirius waved his hand at Remus and snickered. "And, I had dinner with Gwen tonight."

"You were across the room from each other." Peter replied. "I think that hardly counts as dinner."

"And we studied at the library together." Sirius continued, ignoring this speck in his metaphorical wallpaper.

"I did my rounds at the library, Padfoot. You were sitting at different tables, and you weren't even talking." James laughed.

"Yeah, but it's better than her calling me a wanker, isn't it?" Sirius grinned. "Big steps today."

Remus sighed. "And you haven't dragged her off into a neglected corner of the library?"

"She hasn't suggested such a thing, Moony, though she seems the type." Sirius laughed. Remus rolled his eyes. "No, Moony, no woman has touched me in the last seventy two hours, which is really very unfortunate."

"You're unfortunate, Padfoot." James laughed.

-----

Sirius, however, spent most of his weekday evenings in the library. This was a move so stunning to Remus that he ended up joining him, much to Sirius' silent chagrin. Gwen would still sit at the table next to theirs, writing away.

She liked to steal glances at Sirius, especially when he was particularly concentrated on a subject because of the way his jaw seemed to tighten as he was trying to grapple a concept. She kept these moments few and far between when Remus was around, however, as he seemed to be the type to look up when deep in thought.

"Gwen looked miffed today, Padfoot." Remus said as they made the walk back to Gryffindor tower.

"No, she was just concentrating. She tucks her hair behind her ears when she's concentrating, and her brows make her look angry. Mind you she probably is angry that she doesn't understand what she's reading." Sirius responded casually. He looked around to see that Remus was no longer walking next to him, but seemed firmly rooted to his spot. "Alright there, Moony?"

Remus was dumbstruck, and it took several moments for him to compose himself. "Sirius...that was probably the most honest thing you've said about a girl that didn't have to do with whether or not she had a..a large, er, rack, or if she was particularly leggy, or whatever. Those were, those were little things!"

"What are you saying, Moony?" Sirius asked, looking confused.

"You...you _fancy_ her." Remus grinned.

"Well if you're going to be all second-year about it, Remus…" Sirius snorted, walking away.

Remus caught up with him. "No, Sirius, don't you see? Don't you see what _not_ going out for a shag does? You're actually...Merlin's beard. James needs to be here to hear this."

"You're sounding like a madman, Moony." Sirius said, shaking his head as they got to the portrait of the Fat Lady.

Sirius and Remus froze at the sight they saw: James sitting with Lily at a table. And both of them were _laughing_. "Well, looks like it's a good day for everyone."

They chortled on their way up to the dormitory when they heard a shriek that was most definitely James'. He bounded into the dormitory. "Curse me and my bloody mouth." James bellowed.

"You and Evans have a good time, then?" Sirius asked, barely containing his laughter.

"Yup, up until I said she had clothes that would look better on my bedroom floor." James said, hitting his head against the post of his bed.

"You what?!" Remus exclaimed.

"We were having a laugh and it sort of slipped out." James groaned, still hitting his head against the post.

"Tough luck, mate." Sirius said, giving James an encouraging pat on the back. "Hey, maybe, by some stroke of luck she'll have forgotten?"

"Maybe if she gets a Bludger to the head." James muttered.

"Easily remedied." Sirius grinned. James glared at him. "Only joking. She still downstairs?"

James nodded. "Why do you ask?"

"Ah maybe I'll give your favorite Head Girl a bit of a chat." Sirius grinned. "Get you back in her good graces."

"And this isn't because you want to get your dirty paws on a certain Gwen Prewett?" Remus asked, James looked at Sirius expectantly.

Sirius thought about it. "Well, that could be an ulterior motive, but for now you'll have to trust that I'm doing it because Prongs here is most distraught."

The two watched as Sirius walked out the door. "Prongs, you will not believe what I think is happening to Sirius."

"His mind has turned into a bowl of porridge from lack of sex? I swear, he needs it the same as oxygen. And goes through it just as fast." James laughed, shaking his head.

"No, no." Remus started, and he began to explain the dialogue between him and Sirius on their way back from the library.

"Whoa." Was the only response James found adequate.

"So," Remus continued, "It would be safe to suggest that maybe Sirius is actually _falling_ for a girl."

"Or ridiculously observant." James added.

"Prongs, listen to what you just said." Remus laughed.

"Right…'falling for a girl' it is then." He laughed.

Meanwhile, Sirius was searching the Common Room for any sign of Lily Evans. She was sitting alone in the corner where he'd seen her last. He glanced over to see Gwen sitting on a nearby couch, she caught his eye, and he found himself looking away. He walked towards Lily and saw Gwen stiffen, then relax as he passed her.

"Lily, mind if I talk to you?" Sirius asked.

Lily found something different in his tone of voice, something very un_Sirius_ about it. "Did Potter send you here?"

"Oh so you're back to calling him by his surname then?" Sirius asked, chuckling slightly. "No, he didn't, he actually didn't want me to, but he's a bit daft when it comes to, er, this sort of thing."

"What 'thing'?" Lily asked.

Sirius gave her a look. "Honestly, you can't be blind to it, can you?" Lily was shaking her head. "Lily, Lily, Lily," He said, shaking his head in disbelief, "James has fancied you for, well forever."

Lily didn't respond immediately. "And what do you have to do with it?"

Sirius ran a hand through his tousled hair. "I guess...I guess what I'm trying to say, Lily, is that, he can be a bit stupid, yeah, but, give him a chance. I'm sure Remus is telling James, right now, that there are certain things he needs to, er filter, before he says them." He gave her a half-smile before turning back to head to the dormitory. "Think it over, Lily."

Lily was shaking her head, she looked over at Gwen who was pretending not to have eavesdropped on the entire conversation. "Oh, Gwen, quit faking like you didn't hear."

"Hear what?" Gwen asked, with a mischevious grin, much similar to the ones so often on her brothers' faces.

"Sirius Black, being all, not Sirius-like." Lily sighed as she took a seat next to Gwen.

"Well he has been studying a bit more, I guess. Less running around?" Gwen suggested.

"How do you know he's been studying more?" Lily asked.

"He's in the library nearly every night." Gwen answered, not looking at Lily this time, pretending to be enthralled by her Evening Prophet. "Bit annoying, really." She added hastily.

"Do you think he's right, though?" Lily asked. Now, Gwen put her Evening Prophet down. "Should I give the toerag a chance?"

"Maybe stop calling him 'toerag' first." Gwen grinned.

----

The breakfast on the Saturday of the first Hogsmeade visit in October found James Potter staring wistfully at Lily, who was helping some first year Gryffindors with their potions homework. Sirius sitting across from him, laughing at something Remus said. Gwen, with Dorcas and Cassandra, chose to sit next to James, a rather safer option than sitting next to Sirius.

"Good Saturday morning to you, Gwen." Remus smiled. "Excited for the first Hogsmeade visit of the year?"

"Ecstatic." She replied. "Gideon and Fabian are dropping by for the day." She tried not to grin as she saw a look of worry flit across Sirius' face. "And I hear you're taking Alexa to Madam Puddifoot's? Never thought you'd be one to take a girl there, Remus, I thought you'd be more of a Shrieking Shack bloke."

Remus smile tightened, but he replied politely. "What do you mean?"

"You know, get as close to the fence 'round it, and then have her wrap her arms around you in fright." Gwen grinned. Remus relaxed. "But if it's frilly lace doilies that you both fancy-"

"-well you know Remus, if it's library books or a patterned doily, he's there." Sirius added, winking at Gwen.

"You know, I think they have books with patterned doilies _on_ them, Remus." Gwen said, biting her lip as she tried not to laugh.

Remus didn't respond though his face was a very brilliant shade of red. The breakfast conversations changed as Gwen started rattling off the rules about her brothers to her friends. Sirius changed the Marauders' conversation to Quidditch, something that always managed to brighten James' mood.

After breakfast, Gwen, Dorcas and Cassandra were up in their dormitory, trying to find the appropriate outerwear for the autumn weather. "You can't say that you and Sirius weren't having verbal foreplay at breakfast, Gwen, because you definitely were." Cassandra said as she tried on a jean jacket.

"If we were having 'verbal foreplay' it was terribly short, and you know what they say about foreplay." Gwen replied so quickly, she didn't even realise what she said. Before Dorcas was about to respond, Gwen continued. "You know, this is why I'm glad I only have the one sister, and that she's years older than me. I think I would've been miserable." Gwen muttered as she found a heavy scarf to offset the fact she opted out of wearing a jacket.

"Well you don't absolutely hate him, now, do you? " Dorcas asked, finding her corduroy jacket at the bottom of her trunk.

"No, but just because I don't absolutely hate him, doesn't mean anything. I can be civil to a boy without fancying him." Gwen sighed, tying her wavy hair into a messy ponytail.

"But you don't turn pink when you talk to Remus." Cassandra noted.

Gwen found no words to reply, and instead looked in the mirror to see that her face had indeed turned that same faint pink tinge.


	6. The Awkwardness

**I'm back readers! I'm so very much alive. I hope you enjoy this chapter! I still don't own it. I really really don't.**

**But Gwen is mine. so no stealing her.**

**many thanks to beta fuegodealmas for correcting copious grievous and egregious errors.  
**

* * *

"So, Gwen, how's school?" Fabian asked as they walked into the center of Hogsmeade, the October wind whipping at his long red hair. Gwen could always tell the two apart, though Fabian's longer hair choice made it much easier. 

"Oh you know, boring." Gwen grinned, looking up at her brother Fabian.

"Good answer." Gideon chuckled, putting an arm around his baby sister. "Anything nasty going round the school, rumours, shirt-lifters, Slytherins?"

"Well the shirt-lifters and Slytherins are one in the same." Gwen grinned. "The lot of them."

"And there haven't been any skirt chasing boys coming your way?" Gideon asked, his brown eyes completely full of mischief.

"Oh, yeah, we've been looking for a bit of fun." Fabian grinned. "Really, rounding up Dark wizards gets a bit dry." Gwen laughed.

"She thinks I'm joking!" Gideon grinned at his brother. "You think I'm joking?" He asked, putting his sister into headlock and ruffling her hair.

"She'll hex you, I bet she spent hours doing her hair." Fabian joked. Gwen rolled her eyes at her brother.

"Actually I haven't even washed it. In days." She deadpanned. She grinned as Gideon stared at his hand with a disgusted look. "Merlin, you believed me?"

"I didn't, I'm not the dumb twin." Fabian laughed as they finally settled on Three Broomsticks. It was busy, as expected, and Gwen could not believe where her brothers chose to sit, at a booth, with Sirius Black and James Potter, who were waving at their idols enthusiastically.

"You know you never answered my question, Gwen." Gideon said as they sat in the booth. James sat at one end, and Gwen found it only slightly ridiculous that her brother made her sit next to Sirius. Fabian was at the bar ordering a round for the table.

"What question was that?" Sirius asked, not looking at Gideon.

"Ah just wondering if there were any skirtchasers going after my baby sister, 'sall." Gideon shrugged, sitting back into his chair. "You two tossers keep an eye out for any skirt-chasers, eh?"

"Gideon, I'm fairly certain that there aren't any skirt chasers going after me." Gwen said, avoiding Sirius' stare. "Though as for normal boys, that number remains uncertain, brother." Her brown eyes flickered over to Sirius' grey ones.

Gideon, never the slow one, did the quickest of double takes. "Well, I trust you boys will notify me, your illustrious idol, of any goings on near my sister, eh?"

"You make me sound like a Ministry building, Gideon. Thanks for that." She said, rolling her eyes. She heard her name being called and looked over to see Dorcas, and Cassandra. "Oh damn…brace yourself Gideon, my friends, who are most unfortunately crazy about you, are coming over."

"Why do you make that sound like it's so terrible?" Gideon grinned as Fabian returned with baskets of hot chips. He sat down next to James, forcing Sirius closer to Gwen. "Fabian, is having a following of teenage girls necessarily a bad thing?"

"Well if you're ugly, then yes." Fabian shrugged. It was amusing, Gwen noted, to see how James and Sirius acted around Fabian and Gideon, it was as though they were studying them, how effortless they were in their confidence.

"Gwen!" Dorcas tried her sweetest tone of voice now. "Do you mind if we sit with you?"

"There's hardly room." Gwen muttered, but her voice was overpowered by Gideon's.

"Not at all! Not at all!" Gideon grinned, making room.

Sirius cleared his throat, as he felt Gwen press closer to him, the result of people trying to remove jackets, he reckoned. She looked at him, and they inched apart. Conversation, with Gideon and Fabian at the helm, was far from dull, and with James and Sirius' occasional commentary, Gwen found her sides were aching from laughter.

Her brothers Disapparated when it was time for them to meet their curfew, and Gwen was making the trek back to Hogwarts lost in thought. "Bloody hell…" She said, as she took a deep breath, her sides still aching.

"Alright there, Gwen?" Sirius caught up with her. There were a few moments at the Three Broomsticks where the two joked casually with each other, while the others were involved in the larger conversation. They were more comments about how ridiculously obvious Cassandra was being or how mopey James was when looking at Lily.

"Side ache from laughing, happens all the time." She said, grinning at him. "Ow...my face hurts from smiling."

Sirius laughed. "They're a bit… mad for your brothers, Dorcas and Cassandra."

"Well, not meaning to boast, but the Prewetts pride ourselves on being on the good end of the attractive spectrum." Gwen snickered. "Quote from Fabian himself...twelve years old and already an ego bigger than a hippogriff."

"Well that quote does lend itself to your family nicely, doesn't it?" Sirius said quietly as they reached the gate of the Hogwarts school grounds.

"What?" Gwen asked, she hadn't heard him properly, so she thought, through the shuffling of footsteps and the howling of the wind.

"Nothing." He grinned, letting her through. She walked through ahead of him.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I hope you're not walking behind me so you could get a look at my arse. Gideon will hear about it." Gwen joked, but she was surprised to see Sirius jog up next to her. "I was only joking." She grinned.

"Were you?" Sirius found himself grinning back. Some of her hair was blowing into her face, and he fought the urge to brush it back by shoving his hands in his pockets. "Better play it safe though, Gideon's a bit...scary."

"Wise choice." She nodded. And as they walked, she found that he wasn't really all that bad of a bloke.

He picked the nice safe topic of Quidditch, and was pleasantly surprised to hear how much she knew about it. They reached the Great Hall and were both searching for their friends, while still chatting on about the Keeper from Pride of Portree. "Oh, it looks like Dorcas and Cassandra have saved a seat for me over there." She said, looking over at her friends. James, Remus and Peter on the opposite end of the long table.

"There's room if you want-" Sirius muttered, but she'd already gone over to her friends. He scratched his head in thought as he sat next to James.

"How's week seven going, mate?" Remus grinned.

Sirius frowned. "She told me not to look at her arse."

"Were you?" Peter asked.

Sirius thought back. "Yes."

"Good man." James laughed, patting Sirius on the back. Sirius shook his head.

"No, mate, for the first time,I got called out for looking. It was embarrassing." Sirius sighed.

"What?" Remus said, beginning to laugh. "This cannot be possible."

At the opposite end of the Gryffindor table, Dorcas was interrogating Gwen. "And so, you and Sirius _didn't_ just walk in together, you were actually talking and enjoying yourself?"

"Dorcas, why is it always such a big deal?" Gwen asked, stabbing at a carrot. "We were just talking about Quidditch, and having a laugh about Gideon and Fabian 'sall."

"Has he tried to put the moves on you?" Cassandra asked, she was grinning from ear to ear.

"Lately? No. So he's probably found some slag of a Hufflepuff." Gwen snorted.

"Actually you know, rumour has it that he hasn't had a knee-trembler with anyone since school started." Dorcas said this all very quickly. Intrigued at this information, Gwen looked down the long row to see a laughing Sirius flicking snowpeas at Remus.

"Remus…" Gwen muttered, as ideas began to formulate in her head.

"No, you can't like him, Alexa's his girl." Cassandra said in between bites of her garlic bread.

"No, that's not it." Gwen said, before shaking herself out of her schemes.

After dinner, Gwen waited in the Common Room until Remus was the only one still up, working with his nose so close to his parchment that Gwen wondered how he wasn't getting ink on it. "Remus?"

He looked up, apparently too fast, as even Gwen heard the bones in his neck crack. "Gwen."

She thought for a moment, one very long moment, apparently, because Remus had picked up his quill again. Just before it touched the parchment, she asked "Is Sirius acting odd to you?"

Remus put his quill down. Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked at her and asked "Why do you ask?"

Gwen took a deep breath. "Dorcas told me that Elena in Hufflepuff told her, that she heard from Delilah in Ravenclaw that Sirius hasn't shagged since the first day of school."

Remus stared at her, utterly confused. "What?"

"You know you don't want me to repeat that. And I am just going to confuse myself." Gwen sighed. "So is it true? Has he been shag free since September first?"

Remus grinned. "It's all part of a little challenge I set up for him." He sat back into his chair. "Well, James too." When Gwen didn't respond, he continued. "So you know how Sirius likes to reel them in, and toss them out?"

"What a pleasant way to put it, Remus." Gwen sniffed.

"Anyway, he was talking about, he was talking about some girl, and I'd finally had enough of him talking about them like, oh, one would talk about a very nice steak. So, he's not allowed to snog, frisk or shag anyone, that is until James manages to end his terminal foot in mouth disease and get Lily to fall head over heels in love with him."

Remus didn't realise it but Gwen was laughing hysterically. "He...he actually agreed to this?"

"I know!" Remus laughed. "That's the best part! I think he thought James was going to get Lily on the first day of school, or something."

"Hang on…" Gwen said, as she composed herself. "So that's why he's been different?"

"How do you mean?" Remus asked, glad to be distracted from his homework.

"He's not...at least he hasn't been a skirt chasing git." She said, using Gideon's well phrased statement from earlier.

Remus hardly contained the smile that was spreading on his face. "He hasn't been, no." He paused. "But that doesn't mean that he doesn't have someone in his sights. Not as a shag, but...James and I reckon he's actually got grown up feelings for this girl, whether he realises it or not."

Gwen nodded. She got up to go to the dormitory. "So, just to get this straight...no frisking, snogging or shagging?"

"Right." Remus said, looking at her curiously. He didn't know Gideon or Fabian well enough to recognize that the look on her face was the same as the expressions they would get when plotting something.

"Even if a girl were, say, ridiculously close to him?" Gwen asked.

"Even then." Remus replied, a small grin at the corner of his lips as realisation as to why she was questioning him .

"How is it that he's survived seven weeks?" She asked.

"Well…" He paused, stifling a laugh.

"Oh...oh, I suppose...gross. Wanking." She said, squinting. "Don't tell him that I've thought about him wanking, because I haven't. It just came out that way. Oh that sounds horrible too...Ack. Goodnight, Remus."


	7. The Wanking Wanker

**Readers: I REALLY hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did!**

**Again, not mine, not mine, Gwen's mine, and the idea for the story is mine, but all other characters belong to JK.**

**Also: This chapter is dedicated to the most amazing fic of all Marauder fics: Shoebox.  
Google the shoebox project, give it a whirl, live it and love it.  
**

Chapter Title: The Wanking Wanker

* * *

"Hmm." Remus said as he sat in his bed the following morning. Sirius was already awake, searching for a pair of rogue socks. 

"What was that, Moony?" Sirius asked, victorious in finding the pair. "I knew I'd find this little bugger."

Remus laughed. "Seven weeks has got you talking to your socks. I should be charting your progress...or devolution."

"Moony, it is far too early to be using multi-syllabic words." Sirius said, before stopping. "What did I just say?"

"You've just jumped twenty IQ points." Remus grinned. "Oh I really should have been charting your progress."

"Maybe this whole, no shagging business is really good for me. I haven't been this clear-headed in ages." Sirius mused as he sat on his bed.

"You also didn't get yourself absolutely pissed last night." Remus laughed. "And you getting pissed usually leads to some poor trollop getting shagged."

"I have better taste than poor trollops." Sirius said, defensively.

"Speaking of better than a poor trollop." Remus said, suddenly remembering his conversation with Gwen. "Oh...no, I can't. I promised her."

"You are so terrible at keeping secrets Moony, just be out with it and it'll be painless for all parties." Sirius laughed.

Remus was already beet red, and he hadn't started speaking yet. "Well...erm, er...when a...when a guy and a girl want to...give...give each other a special hug...and, er...can't. Maybe the girl doesn't want to...or maybe the guy is an absolute tit...but...er, sometimes you have to take care of your own business…" He sputtered. "The guy... or girl will have to touch himself...or herself...most tenderly."

Sirius was wiping the tears from his eyes, unable to speak from laughter. "Are...are...are you talking about wanking?!" James Potter's voice came from through his bed curtains.

"Er…" Remus stammered.

Sirius managed to calm himself down. "Why, Remus, why in the name of Merlin's sagging arse are you talking about wanking?"

"Because, you tit," Remus started, "the girl you have been lusting over while you touch yourself _most tenderly_, has figured you out."

"I wouldn't really call it touching myself most- hang on...what?" Sirius paused.

"I believe he said 'Girl you have been lusting over'." Peter chimed. He and James were grinning at each other, with James trying not to laugh over the mere thought of Remus talking about wanking.

"Gwen?" Sirius asked, looking confused. "Figured me out?"

Remus sighed. "Last night she was asking me why you'd been acting so strange, then I told her about the challenge, and _then_…" He groaned. "Then she asked me how you'd managed to survive seven weeks without a shag, and then she sort of figured it out, and then muttered profusely about how she couldn't believe she just thought about you wanking...and it was all very embarrassing."

Sirius could not believe his ears. "She...Gwen. Gwendolyn Prewett. She thought about me? She thought about me! wait… she thought about me…Wanking?"

"I'm sure the image was brief and painful." Remus muttered. "Oh she is going to kill me."

"Well she came 'round quickly." James said, looking surprised. "How'd you do it, mate?"

"Dunno." Sirius said, looking over at James, whose bedhead was more pronounced. "Oy, Remus."

"What is it now?" Remus asked, his face buried in his pillow, not wanting to go downstairs to face the wrath of Gwen Prewett.

"Is there anything in this challenge that says I can't help James get into Lily's good books?" Sirius asked. James head shot up at the idea, and he was grinning wildly. Sirius had always managed to talk sense into Lily when it came to the sore subject that was James Potter.

Remus racked his brains. "No...no there isn't. But you still can't snog, frisk or shag anyone, Padfoot!"

-----

The first mistake was that he sat at her table in the library. The second, was that he kept tapping her foot. She looked at him to find him grinning, his books still tucked away in his bag.

"Black, do _not_ make me hex you." She snarled through clenched teeth. She had an exam in Charms the following day, and unlike Saturday, she was in no mood to have her foot tapped.

"Oh, _Gwen_, you know it's really, really an honour." He grinned, his voice back to that suave that she so detested.

"What are you talking about?"

"Remus told me what you said last night. Well, he more stuttered through it, but still. I _knew_ you'd have a wild side, Gwen. Thinking of me, oh how did Remus put it, 'touching myself most tenderly?'"

Sirius didn't know how she did it but he ended up falling backwards in his chair. "You are...ugh…" She muttered. She stormed out of the library, and was now in search of Remus Lupin.

He was doing rounds with James. "YOU. Of all of your stupid friends, I would've thought _YOU_ would have been the one that I could talk to. You're all the same. Bunch of stupid gits, every last one of you." She shrieked, hitting him with her very heavy Charms book.

"Oy..hey!" James said pulling her off of him. "Hey, that's a prefect you're attacking, I could refer you to McGonagall and get you in detention, Prewett."

She stopped trying to fight James off. Brushing her robes off, she didn't even glance back as she stalked off towards Gryffindor Tower.

"You alright there, Moony?" James asked, trying to get his friend to look him in the eye.

Remus was shaking his head when he looked at James. "_WHY_, why did I have to be such a stupid wanker-"

"Wasn't it Sirius who's the wanker?" James said, laughing slightly.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You're not helping, Prongs. Shouldn't...shouldn't you be focusing on trying to get Lily Evans to date you? Fall in love with you? Marry you et cetera et cetera?"

"Well, the next Hogsmeade weekend is in two weeks." James grinned. "The day _after_ we crush Slytherin at Quidditch."

"Oh so you're hoping that you'll get her by being the big Quidditch hero? Sorry to break it to you, James, but, er...she hasn't bought that for the last five years, what's to say this year's different?" Remus asked as they set off on another flight of stairs.

"That's the rub, mate. If I _am_ this weekend's big Quidditch hero, I won't make a fuss about it. I'll just...oh, what would you say...I'll just be _modest _about it." James grinned, as he peered into an empty classroom.

"You've tried modesty. It doesn't suit you, Prongs. It's like dress robes sized too tight, or something. Or a ridiculous shade of puce." Remus laughed.

"Ye of little faith." James waved his hand, dismissing the comment. "Just you wait." He grinned.

That evening in the dormitory, Sirius was in an oddly upbeat mood. Perhaps he hadn't heard of Gwen's blitz on Remus, or that he thought he had charmed the pants off Gwen. "Boys, I've already asked Peter, but what are your opinions, do you think Gwen's cashed it in?"

Remus looked affronted while James awkwardly cleared his throat. "Er...cashed _what_ in, Padfoot?" Remus asked, though he knew the answer to this question as he thought back to fourth year when Sirius came barreling into the dormitory yelling 'I've cashed it in! I've cashed it in! Sirius Black's no longer a virgin!'

"Oh you know, Moony, don't be stupid." Sirius grinned.

"Padfoot, I hate to break it to you, but you didn't even know who Gwen was when term started." James said, giving Sirius a look of disdain.

"I _did_ happen to know who she was." Sirius stated. "But remember, up until this term started, I hadn't discovered the wealth of gingers that were previously, forgive the pun, untapped."

"I don't think she's ever had a boyfriend." Peter commented, it was sort of in Sirius' defense.

"Doesn't necessarily mean she hasn't cashed it in, Wormtail." Sirius said, as he sat on his own bed.

"Yeah but everyone knows her brothers. I hear Davey Peakes from Ravenclaw asked her out her fourth year, our fifth, on a Hogsmeade weekend, and Gideon and Fabian apparated all the way from an Auror mission, and spent the entire time with them. Gwen didn't think anything of it." Peter continued.

"You know, I think I remember that. There were a bunch of blokes a year younger than us who were saying they'd never ask her out because they'd have to deal with Gideon and Fabian." James grinned. "I thought it was a bit of a laugh, but then again, it's me."

"Lucky for me, Gideon and Fabian like me." Sirius said haughtily.

"Until you start touching their baby sister, _most tenderly_." James retorted, chuckling as Remus glared at him.

----

This week's rounds took place the day before the Slytherin and Gryffindor match, perfect timing for James and Lily, as Head Boy and Girl to make sure that students weren't hexing each other in the hallways, courtyards, library, as they were so wont to do, especially with the rivalry that ran deep between Slytherins and Gryffindors.

After sending a pair of tow-headed first years, from both houses, to their respective Heads, the two continued on their rounds. "You're quiet today, James." Lily said after going an entire floor without speaking.

"You usually like it better when I keep my mouth shut." James said, slightly grinning. "I might say something stupid, and well, I've been on the receiving end of one too many of your hexes."

"Smartened up, haven't you?" She smiled back.

_She smiled back_. James' stomach did a somersault. "Well, that, and I'm just going over the game strategy tomorrow."

"Ah, of course, Quidditch." She sighed. "And that is?"

"To win." James replied simply. "We've got a good strong side this year, and just as long as our Beaters keep Slytherin away from our Chasers, we're in good fighting form. The Keeper this year is excellent to...oh this is probably boring."

"And I suppose you're hoping to be the big Gryffindor hero tomorrow?" Lily asked.

"We'll see." James replied simply.

Lily was a bit surprised, if she asked this question two years ago, the James Potter then would have boasted about multiple Quaffles into the goalposts, and of fantastic dives and catches.

She let James talk about Quidditch for the rest of their rounds, as this version of James was much better than when he would try, and fail, to woo her. Once they were in the Gryffindor Common Room, James felt a hand on his shoulder.

He looked over and saw that it was Lily. Her green eyes were twinkling in the firelight. "Well, _James_, I do hope that you're Gryffindor's hero tomorrow. Good luck."

James felt his face growing very hot and he struggled to find the right words.

"This is where you say 'Thanks, Lily.'" She said, with a smirk, withdrawing her hand.

He grinned, feeling very foolish, and very red. "Thanks, Lily."


	8. The Drunk and Disorderly

**All belong to JK Rowling, except for Gwen. Huzzah.**

**Thanks for all of the reviews! We broke 50!! WOOOO!**

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Chapter Title: The Drunk and Disorderly

There were really no words to express the celebration in the Gryffindor Common Room after the Quidditch match against Slytherin. Well, it could be described as chaotic, but that barely covered it. There was music playing, and the smell of spilled firewhiskey and butterbeer filled the room. Girls were dancing rather seductively with each other on the coffee table. One of those girls, to Sirius' surprise, and sheer horror as he realised he was still in the midst of a challenge, was Gwen.

She held what appeared to be a near empty bottle of Firewhiskey and quickly downed the last gulp. Mouthing the words to the song "Ballroom Blitz" which was now playing. The Marauders stood at the base of the stairs leading up to their dormitory, mouths all agape.

Gwen, despite being sloshed, was still a bit coherent on the subject of Quidditch, and she staggered over to James, grabbing Lily on the way over. She poked him hard on the chest with her index finger. "James. YOU...you are a hero."

"Am I?" He asked, laughing. He looked over at Peter, Remus and Sirius. Peter was inching away to a corner of less 'outgoing' girls, Remus was stifling laughter, while Sirius still wearing a look of shock on his face. Lily was shaking her head, though she had a smile on her face.

"A big grand seventy point scoring QUIDDITCH HERO!" And the other revelers cheered. "Firewhiskey, hero?"

"Er, no no, I believe that bottle's empty." He said, stifling a grin at seeing her completely pissed.

"You know, Lily," She started. Lily's eyes widened as Gwen put her arm around her. "Potter needs to be congratulated on this win."

"And…" Lily muttered. Gwen didn't say anything, but she grabbed Lily's hand, and with her other, grabbed James'.

"Go on, then. Give him a snog, or at least a kiss on the cheek." Gwen laughed.

Sirius realised that if this would bring James and Lily closer together, he spoke up as well. "Or a polite hug, that would be a decent start."

Lily looked at James and realised that she was still holding his hand. Dropping it quickly to her sides, she stared at her feet.

"Come on, Lily." Gwen whined, slurring slightly, her head lolling about as she danced idly to the music.

Lily gave James the most mechanical hug Sirius had ever seen, though he could already tell that James was absolutely thrilled. "Well done!" Sirius laughed. Lily rolled her eyes at Gwen, who was too drunk to notice, before walking away with James trailing behind her. Sirius didn't know if it was a trick of the light, but as they got closer to the portrait hole, he was quite sure that Lily took James' hand again.

"Siriusssss." She spun around, eyes widening as she _just_ realised he was there. "Come DANCE with me, oh I..this is my FAVORITE song."

In any other situation, Sirius would have willingly obliged to dance. He gave Remus a look of horror as she pushed him towards a wall. "I really don't think this is dancing."

"Shut up, Black, you're ruining the song." She slurred as "Ballroom Blitz" continued to play in the background.

'Oh god, oh god oh god, is she..she's groping me. My GOD, I am going to kill Remus Lupin.' Sirius thought, as apparently, in her drunken state, she thought dancing and groping were interchangeable. She tended to pay special attention to the waistband of his jeans, and he tried vainly to shut this out by thinking of various Quidditch plays. He failed miserably every time he felt her hands roaming. The song ended, and Sirius pointed out that someone brought in another case of butterbeers.

"Proud of you, Sirius." Remus laughed as Sirius sat down next to him. "Must've been, erm..._difficult_." He thought, for a moment about saying 'hard' instead, but the joke would have been far too obvious.

"Gah. Remus, you have no idea." Sirius sighed. "Oh...oh no, she's coming back."

Remus walked away, with the final utterance "Hands where I can see them, Padfoot."

Sirius had gotten himself ridiculously, unbelievably pissed that night. He and Gwen were collapsed on a couch, but with Remus sitting across from them, even in his stupor, he kept his hands firmly in his pockets, while Gwen rested her head on his shoulder.

'Ballroom Blitz' came on again, and as this was apparently her drunken anthem, Gwen stood up and danced, though this time with no one. The other revelers were already passed out or had gone up to bed.

'Gwen Prewett...she...she's giving me a lapdance' Sirius thought, a bacchanalian grin plastered across his face. Granted, she was clothed, _and_ she was so sloshed that her movements had no connection to the song playing overhead. Sirius was hoping that he would remember this strike of good luck when he woke up the next morning.

-------

"Morning, Padfoot." Remus's voice was barely above a whisper, and still it caused shooting pains into Sirius' head.

"Potion...please." He said hoarsely. He felt Remus slip a little bottle into his outstretched hand. It held the most glorious drink to hit his lips since last night's bottle of firewhiskey that he was quite sure he shared with Gwen.

Remus waited a few moments to let the hangover potion take effect. Once Sirius was awake and moving, Remus spoke. "Interesting night."

"I guess." Sirius said, finding an undershirt and pulling it over his head. "Don't remember much...really anything. I do remember Lily and James, but I think that's as far as it goes."

"Ah yes, Prongs and Lily, apparently, according to James, they went to the Astronomy Tower and talked. Just talked, and she even let him put an arm around her, but Lily told him it was because she forgot a sweater."

"Good for Prongs. That Gwen, I'll have to thank her for bringing me a bit closer to the end of this challenge." Sirius mused.

Remus started laughing, and it was pure unbridled laughter, not Remus' usual polite 'I'll-give-in-and-let-your-joke-have-some-glory' laughter. "If you knew the things I knew, Padfoot, if you knew…"

Sirius looked at Remus curiously. "What are you rattling on about, Moony?"

"I'm talking about Gwen." Remus said, grinning.

"What about her?" Sirius asked, sitting down on his bed.

"Well somehow, even though she had her hands all over you, you managed to keep your hands away from her." Remus grinned. "I believe she danced with you, and then later, oh you'll be so upset…"

"I already am, just spit it out." Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"She gave you a lap dance!" Remus laughed. "Clothed, and she was pissed beyond belief, but you, you my friend kept egging her on. And then you kept muttering 'Damn challenge, damn James' for a while when she staggered off. It was really the most amusing drunken scene I've seen in a while."

"Speaking of Prongs, where is he? And Wormtail?" Sirius asked, looking around the dormitory. Their four-posters were empty.

"Peter went down to breakfast half an hour ago, and James just left to have breakfast with Lily. So maybe by the next Gryffindor party, you'll actually be able to reciprocate." Remus grinned.

"Please, last I checked, Moony, she was considering getting on friendly terms with me." Sirius replied.

"Padfoot, if last night was any indication, she was _very _friendly." Remus smirked. He saw Sirius pocket another of the hangover potions arranged neatly on Remus' bedside table. "Who's that for?"

"Just in case." Sirius shrugged. 'If Gwen was pissed enough to give me a lap dance, she'll definitely be needing this.' He thought.

They left Gryffindor Tower for the Great Hall. Sirius looked down the table of Gryffindors for Gwen. He saw her sitting with her fingers massaging her temples, eyes closed. Her red hair in loose waves. As he walked past, he casually placed the phial of hangover potion next to her goblet.

Gwen looked up to see who it was, and saw Sirius walking past with Remus. He turned back and gave her a small smile before sitting with Peter, James and Lily. Dorcas and Cassandra exchanged looks.

Gwen was breaking the wax seal when Dorcas spoke. "That was sweet of him."

"Not now, Dorcas." She groaned. "Cheers." She drank the potion. She could feel it taking effect, her sensitivity to sounds and her pounding headache were dissipating. "Bless him."

"So, Gwen, any memories rushing back to you?" Cassandra asked, a mischievous smile on her face.

"Gwen, it's a hangover potion, not a memory potion." Gwen sniffed. "You make it sound like I _should_ remember what happened last night."

"You were heavily involved with one Sirius Black." Dorcas said, bringing her voice down to a whisper.

"Define 'heavily involved,' Dorcas." Gwen said, looking at her two friends, who were both grinning madly.

"They always say alcohol brings out your secret feelings, and, er, you were very very uninhibited in sharing them with him." Cassandra replied.

"Please, the most vague answers are really what I'm looking for." Gwen said, rolling her eyes, feeling more and more normal with the potion spreading through her.

Dorcas leaned forward. "You gave Sirius Black a lap dance."

Gwen dropped her fork. "I...what? You're lying." She said, though the image of a drunken Sirius' smiling face was shining brightly in her mind, she could almost vaguely remember the song, it had guitars in it…

"She's not lying." Cassandra replied.

"Anything else of note?" Gwen asked, picking her fork up again.

"Oh, yeah, he didn't lay a finger on you, or try to snog you, _and_ he was hammered. Dorcas and I thought it was odd." Cassandra replied, as Gwen began laughing.

"What's so funny?" Dorcas asked, looking confusedly at Cassandra who shrugged.

Gwen couldn't speak, but had the slightest inclination that a glowering Remus Lupin would have been behind Sirius' docile behaviour. "Nothing, nothing…"

"Rather odd for him, isn't it?" Cassandra noted.

"And let's be honest, Gwen's probably the only girl he _hasn't_-"

"Alright...alright, that's all." Gwen started. "Let's talk about the Quidditch match will we?"

While her friends started regaling James, who _was_ the hero of the match, Gwen looked over at Sirius, who was sitting a few people away from her. She caught his eye, and she held up the small bottle, and mouthed, "Thanks."


	9. The Spark

**Thanks again to all of you lovely lovely reviewers. And now, a present!**

**Alright. Gwen is my creation.**

_**many**_ **profuse thanks to Rach, and EveyM for being wonderful listeners during my rantings and ravings, and of course to the beta extraordinare fuegodealmas, without whom your eyes would be bleeding from pronoun misuse and casual punctuation.**

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The spark

There was a bite to the wind today as Sirius walked around Hogsmeade. Peter had regretfully stayed behind to catch up on some Transfiguration homework. Remus was with Alexa at Madam Puddifoot's, _again_, Sirius noted with some amusement. James, well, James was probably wetting himself with excitement over the fact that Lily Evans had agreed to spend the day with him.

This left Sirius alone to his own devices. He'd already been in Zonkos to stock up on a handful of items for the Maruaders' "prank collection" which was, in effect, nothing more than Peter's emptied out trunk containing an assortment of fireworks, dungbombs and so forth.

Sitting on a bench outside of the bookshop across the street, Gwen was reading the latest _Witch Weekly_. He slowly walked over and waited till she looked up. "Mind if I sit down?"

Gwen looked up into his grey eyes, and gasped. "Sirius, sorry, you frightened me. Sure, sit down."

"Not at Three Broomsticks today?" He asked.

"Er, I'm going to stay away from any sort of alcohol for the time being, maybe till I'm thirty-five." She mumbled.

"Agreed." He laughed. "You know, I didn't take you for someone to read 'Witch Weekly' I thought you'd be more of a 'Transfiguration Today' or 'Economics and the Ministry'"

"Honestly Sirius, I like to have a bit of fun sometimes." She said, looking at him. She realised what she said, and immediately went back to the magazine.

"So I've heard." He answered. She didn't respond, but instead she pursed her lips, something Sirius knew to be a warning sign. "Hey Gwen...just, just to let you know, the last thing I remember last night was you making James and Lily hug each other."

"Honestly?" She asked, closing the magazine and looking at him.

"Honestly." He nodded returning her gaze.

"Oh thank goodness." She let out a sigh of relief. "As much as _you_ would like to remember what I did, _I_ am glad to forget."

"I suppose drunken lap dances aren't fun for either party, if they can't remember it." Sirius said, with a slight grin. He saw a look of horror on Gwen's face. "Oh, Remus told me. He was sober, as always."

"A memory charm could have him easily forget what he saw." Gwen said with a smirk. She saw the look on Sirius' face. "Oh, I'm only joking."

"Do you, er, do you want to go for a walk around Hogsmeade?" Sirius asked.

"Well, erm, I haven't been to Honeydukes yet, and I hear they've got some new candies in today." She suggested. Sirius nodded and they began the walk down to Honeydukes.

Never had he struggled with finding a topic to talk about with a girl. Maybe it was because he never really did any talking with girls, mainly just... snogging. "So Gwen…"

"What?" She asked, thankful that it was _him_ who broke the silence.

"What's your favorite ice cream flavour?" He blurted the first question that came to mind.

While he was searching for the appropriate lamppost to which he could hit his head repeatedly, she replied. "Vanilla."

He grinned, surprised that she answered. "That's awfully boring."

"Not when it's covered in fudge and sprinkles, or in a banana split, covered in caramel." She replied, grinning back.

"Alright, I'll remember that." Sirius laughed. "Gwen likes _plain_ vanilla."

"Why do you ask?" Gwen looked up at Sirius.

"Just wanted to get to know you better." He replied, shrugging. "Now, it's your turn, ask me a question."

"Anything?" She asked.

"Anything." Sirius looked at Gwen who was concentrating on what appeared to be a difficult question.

"Do you actually intend on growing up from having shag buddies to, you know, a real relationship?"

Sirius stared, before he started to laugh. "This is _so_ not the same as the ice cream question."

"Hey, you said 'anything.'" She replied with a sly grin, her hair whipping around her. She shook her head to get it out of her face as she stood against the wind to tame her hair into a presentable ponytail.

"And you just _happened_ to be interested in _that_?" Sirius replied, noting that Gwen's cheeks were bright red.

"Maybe." She replied, feigning dismissal as her eyes glanced over a passing store window.

"Well, the answer's…" He paused, "that if the right girl comes along, then yeah. 'Spose I would." He didn't know why he was opening up to her like this, he didn't even talk about relationships with his fellow Marauders, just his weekend conquests and broom-closet snogs.

"And what makes a girl 'the right girl'?" Gwen asked, they arrived in front of Honeydukes.

Sirius smiled slyly at her. "Ah, I can't answer that."

She looked at him curiously. "Why's that?"

"Because it's my turn to ask you a question." He grinned.

He ended up asking her what the best prank she'd ever done or witnessed was, and they were laughing so hard that she had forgotten her question. They spent nearly all of that day's pocket money at Honeydukes. "Is that the new flavour?" She asked, as they sat outside of the shop, surveying their purchases.

Sirius had just opened a raspberry lollipop. "Yeah, think so. You get first taste as long as you're not sick, and no seconds."

"So many demands, Sirius." Gwen grinned as she moved closer to him, and deftly took the lollipop from him. Smacking her lips several times as she handed the lollipop back, she nodded approvingly. "Raspberry. Good choice. Care for a Fizzing Whizbee?"

"We're going to eat all of our candy before it gets to our room. And that will make for a terrible stomach ache." Sirius warned. "No thanks to the Fizzing Whizbee."

"You speak from experience." Gwen grinned as she found some Ice Mice.

"Third year, first Hogsmeade visit, we spent all our money here. Then we spent the rest of the evening in hospital. Peter was puking Ice Mice whole." Gwen wrinkled her nose, and put the Ice Mice back into her bag. "Oh, no, sorry. Forgot to mention he ate about twenty."

Sirius stood up and tossed the remainder of his candy into the bin. He extended a hand to Gwen, who took it smiling. "I can carry your bags too, you seem to have come out with a lot of candy."

"It's for Bill and Charlie." Gwen replied. "'Cept for the Ice Mice, those are mine. And the sherbert lemons, and the Fizzing Whizbees. Can't forget those."

Sirius grinned. "Right, of course." He held her gaze and, smirking, he fought the urge to give her a kiss on the cheek. He silently wondered, as it wasn't considered snogging, if that would be okay on Remus' terms.

"Thanks for that, by the way." She said, breaking the silence, as Sirius carried her bag of sweets, as well as his, back up to Hogwarts.

" 'S no problem." He replied. "Good for the muscles." He grinned. Gwen rolled her eyes, but she laughed anyway. "Have you ever seen a scrawny Gryffindor?"

"First years are a bit on the small side this term." Gwen noted, grinning, as they entered Hogwarts and started the upwards journey to Gryffindor Tower.

"No, no, I'm talking like, the men of Gryffindor." Sirius said, making his voice deeper to emphasize that he was talking about men, as if Gwen didn't get the concept.

"Sirius, I don't spend my time observing the 'wankers of Gryffindor' or whatever you call yourselves." Gwen laughed. "No one to observe."

"I'm hurt." Sirius feigned offense.

"You should be." She grinned. "And besides, there'd be no point right? Any boy gets scared off by my harmless brothers."

"Harmless? Have you _seen_ your brothers? I swear Gideon's arms are wider than my head." Sirius exclaimed.

"They probably are." Gwen smirked. "They're sweet, though, and wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Flies that look suspiciously like blokes chasing after their baby sister maybe." Sirius muttered.

Something about the way Sirius delivered that line caused Gwen to laugh hysterically until they reached the portrait. She continued to laugh as they entered the Common Room and he walked with her to the base of the stairs to the girls dormitories.

"So, then, Sirius, does that make you a fly?" Gwen asked.

"You know this means that you're calling me a bloke that's chasing after you." Sirius clarified, giving her a sly grin.

"Maybe." She answered vaguely.

"Then maybe I am a fly." Sirius replied. He thought he saw her smile with her eyes. 'Smile with her eyes? That sounds like absolutely horrible romantic novel rubbish.' He chided himself. He continued, "Gideon's biceps aside, they don't scare me."

Gwen grinned. "You might not be so bad, Black." She reached for her bag of sweets in Sirius' hand. He felt her hand brush against his, and he felt his stomach flip. "Thanks again for carrying this. I'll let you have some of my Sugar Quills for payment of your services."

"You make me sound like, like a prostitute." Sirius frowned.

"Considering your background-" Gwen began. "No, that would be too mean." He realised that she was standing surprisingly close to him, and all he really wanted to do was kiss her, on the lips, on her forehead, on the cheek, it's all he wanted to do. Gwen smiled, and cleared her throat awkwardly. "There's nothing in Remus' rules that say a girl can't-"

The stomping of Lily Evans into the portrait hole caused Gwen to jump, and move a few steps back from Sirius. "How does 'I'm cold' translate into 'I want you to snog me,' Potter?"

Sirius winced. So she was back to calling him Potter, not a good sign. She stormed up the stairs to her dormitory, and Sirius and Gwen exchanged a look as James stumbled in, face reddened, and most certainly not by the wind. "So how'd you muck it up this time, Prongs?"

"She had a look in her eyes!" James grumbled.

"Er...I'll leave you two to it then…" Gwen interjected and went up the stairs to her dormitory dejectedly.

"You are really horrible, Prongs." Sirius laughed. Remus came in through the portrait hole as well. "Oy, Marauders meeting in the dormitory."

"Where's Peter?" Remus asked, acknowledging the frustrated looking James, and a smiling but equally frustrated Sirius.

"Maybe the library, but this doesn't concern him, unless you've got him on a challenge as well?" Sirius asked as he pushed James forcibly up the dormitory steps. He chucked his bag of Honeydukes sweets onto his bed.

"So, why are we calling this meeting?" Remus sighed. "Because I've had a very good day with Alexa."

"You've had a very good day _snogging_ Alexa, something that James and I came very close to doing today." Sirius sniffed.

"Each other?" Remus asked, grinning. "Because I believe my terms said you couldn't snog _anyone_, male gender included."

"Oh shut it, werewolf. And that's why I called this meeting in the first place. To discuss, in detail, these _terms_ of yours." Sirius continued. He began pacing, and Remus took this as a sign that Sirius would, as he would on a very rare and special occasion, actually think about what he was about to say.

"Well, get on with it." Remus sighed, sitting next to James.

"So, I had a very lovely day with Gwen, we joked around, found out she likes vanilla ice cream-"

"That's boring." James commented.

"You're boring." Sirius shot back. "Anyway, we get back to the castle,_and, _I'll have you know that I carried her ridiculously heavy bag all the way from Hogsmeade, which means I'll have one arm that is permanently larger than the other."

"What does having lopsided arms have to do with this meeting?" Remus asked, amused.

"Moving along, we had a bit of banter at the bottom of the stairs-"

"Good alliteration." Remus nodded approvingly, and James grinned at him, stifling a laugh.

"AND THEN, I realised she was like, this close" He motioned, putting his hand several inches away from his face, "this close to me. And you'll be very proud of me Moony, because I really, I really really really wanted to kiss her, even if it was on the cheek, and she even started asking about the terms of this challenge, because I think she_wanted_ me to kiss her, and THEN-"

"Here it is." Remus sighed, rolling his eyes.

"We had the spark, Moony, THE SPARK. And James Potter, genus species_Snoggerus Interruptus_ barges in, because he'd managed to get Lily to loathe him again." Sirius finally finished his rant, and he was breathing deeply, as though it had taken a lot out of him.

"So, what is it that you want details on, then?" Remus asked, looking at his two friends.

"Well, first of all, I'll have you know that I haven't been thinking about girls _plural_ for about, six weeks now." Sirius started.

"Girls, plural?" James asked. "So it's down to just the one? Wow, Moony, look what your challenge made him do." He grinned.

"And secondly, I would like to know if the following are out of bounds: hand holding?"

Remus thought for a moment. "As long as the hands are holding other hands." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oy, I don't want you to be finding loopholes when you two are off alone together on Hogsmeade weekends."

"Fair enough." Sirius replied. "Hugging?"

"No 'special hugs,' Padfoot." James laughed.

"Thank you, Prongs." Remus said, embarrassed at his rubbish explanation of sex. "Hands above the waist, below the chest hugs are acceptable."

"And now, the one that I've been waiting for, if _she_ were to kiss me, like, say on the cheek, or forehead, or if _I_ were to kiss her on the cheek or forehead."

"No lip to lip contact, no tongue of any kind, and hands must be firmly placed at her waist. If cheek or forehead kisses are expected, then you are allowed to have hands above her shoulders." Remus replied, and he thought for a moment to see if he'd missed anything.

"Very thorough, Remus." James nodded, impressed at his friend's work. "Magical Law Enforcement should look you up."

"Like they'd hire a werewolf." Remus muttered darkly. "Anyway, have you gotten all that, Padfoot?"

"Yes, yes, it's all well and good, mate." Sirius replied, nodding as he thought over all of the rules. "OH, and YOU, Prongs. What _possessed_ you to try and kiss Lily?"

"I thought we had, oh what was it you said, 'a spark'?" James sighed, burying his face in his hands. "Turns out she was looking at me that way because I had a bit of dirt on my nose."

"Rough going, mate." Remus said, patting James encouragingly on the back.

"Ah, I'll go and have another word with Lily." Sirius said.

"No...I should." James sighed. "I'm supposed to be a bloody man about...things."

"Right." Sirius replied. "Well, Remus and I will start organising a benefit dinner to support research for terminal foot-in-mouth disease, so maybe they can find a cure."

"Not helpful." James muttered.

"Joking, Prongs. Joking." Sirius replied. "Just...remember you're not talking to me, Moony or Wormtail, alright?"

"Right."

"And that she's a girl." Remus enunciated, as he looked at James, seriously. "That has infinitely more complex feelings than you."

"Right." James sighed. "Well, I'm going to go find her, we're supposed to be organising this week's prefects meeting in ten minutes."

Sirius gave him a salute as James walked out of the dormitory. "Prongsie better get this right."

"He's a bit of a slow learner, though." Remus noted.

"You're such an optimist, Moony." Sirius laughed.


	10. The Perv

**Here we go everyone! Thanks again to all of you lovely reviewers and to my beta fuegodealmas for catching the little things that one does not see writing at two a.m. (which is ironically the only time I get truly inspired to write…)**

**Disclaimer: All characters (except Gwen) are the property of one Ms. J.K. Rowling.**

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** Chapter Title: The Perv**

James bounded down the stairs in search of Lily. Unfortunately, he barreled right into her as he reached the Common Room. Score: Possibility of Lily hating him forever: one, James Potter: nil. "Erm, sorry Lil."

She gave him a mild look of disdain before continuing towards the portrait hole, a scroll of parchment in one hand and a quill in the other. "Come on, we'll be late for our own bloody meeting with the fifth year prefects."

He fought the urge to complain about the mousy, ineffective fifth years but thought that if he _were_ to say that, Lily would probably scold him about it. He followed her through the portrait hole, and once he knew they were alone in the hallways, he stopped. "Lily, wait."

"What is it now, Potter?" She asked, turning around, her green eyes flashed.

"Er...look, there's...there's no better way to say this but, I, James Potter, am a complete and consummate idiot." He started, and then he looked up at her. "Will you forgive me?" Lily was stunned silent. "You don't...you don't have to." He stammered, but inwardly he was chanting 'Merlin, I don't want her to hate me.'

Lily slowly started walking again. Things were silent between them for a while, and James stoically composed himself. 'There goes the house, the dog, and the 2.3 children.' He thought.

"I've never heard you apologise to anyone for being a git, Potter." Lily said.

"Well you don't know me very well then. Ask Remus, I apologise to him all the time." James said, laughing a bit. "He hates it when I make him edit my papers for classes."

The meeting was held in the library, and they passed the large study area, and Lily glanced over to see Sirius and Gwen, sitting at the same table. Lily paused to check she was sure of what she was seeing. James stopped as well, and looked faintly jealous that Sirius was getting on so well with a girl he didn't even know till this year.

"Interesting." Lily commented. "I never thought…someone should talk her out of that."

"Hey, that's my best mate you're talking about. I'd like to think he's reformed a bit this year." James replied. "How many rumors have you heard about him this year?"

Lily thought for a moment as they continued to the meeting room. "None, but maybe they've just kept it quiet."

"Have the girls of Sirius' past ever kept it quiet?" James asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

Lily looked up at him, and she was secretly impressed at how defensively loyal he was with his friends. She hated what she was about to say, but it was the truth. "Potter, you're right."

James was grinning throughout the entire meeting.

James was on very cordial speaking terms with Lily again, and she would even occasionally laugh at his jokes during classes. She started to sit next to him at dinner, though she would always say that it was for Head Boy and Head Girl business.

----

Lily Evans was at the bar of the Three Broomsticks, waiting on her drink order and a basket of chips, and she did not enjoy the look she was getting from a rather smarmy looking older gentleman. He grinned toothily and moved from his spot to the empty seat next to hers.

"Hullo there, gorgeous." He breathed. Lily nearly gagged at the overpowering smell of body odor mixed with cheap cologne. "You're a pretty one aren't you?" He looked at her lecherously. Lily was too shocked to move as this stranger leaned forward.

"Lily flower, sorry I was a bit late, got a bit caught up with a prank." James Potter, out of nowhere, casually slipped an arm around her shoulder, and took her hand in his.

"James, love." The second word, however difficult for Lily to spit out, she said with a sincere smile on her face. Never before had Lily been so glad to see James Potter. "I was wondering if you were going to stand me up."

"Ah," James replied, sidling into the small space between Lily and the Lecher, "I'm here now aren't I?" He leaned forward and gave her a light kiss on the cheek, after pointedly looking at the man at his side. Lily was taken aback, and could feel the heat in her face rising fast, whether it was because she wanted to scold him for kissing her, "Excuse me, do I know you?"

"Oh...you're with her then, right, right." He said, leaving the seat. James immediately took it.

"Are you all right, Lily?" He asked, his voice soft and had a sincerity that Lily had never heard.

Lily nodded, looking at James. "Er...yeah, yeah I think." She paused, and looked down at her hand. "Potter…why are you still holding my hand?"

"Is the pervy old git still staring?" James asked. A fierce protectiveness coloured the warm baritone of his voice, Lily noted. She peered over his shoulder and nodded. "Then I'm still going to be holding your hand, Evans. I don't want him to come back over here, because I will hex him, even if it loses me my Head Boy badge."

"Thank you, Potter." She replied, though James noted it wasn't said with the usual spite and sarcasm. "Though I think kissing my cheek was a bit unnecessary."

"Do you?" James said, a sly grin on his face. He was about to say 'I actually like to think you enjoyed it,' but stopped himself and settled for "Had to make it believable, Evans."

"Good thing you didn't go for a snog." Lily said, with a smirk. "Or I would have hexed you to Sunday."

James laughed, and shook his head. He told her a few jokes, and soon they were chatting about his and Sirius' excursions to London during the summer to see bands like The Clash, and how they had even managed to get into a Led Zeppelin concert. He could not believe that Lily stayed this long, her basket of chips was empty, and their bottles of butterbeer were steadily being drained as they talked for a long while about nothing and everything.

Madam Rosmerta interrupted them. "Sorry, but your curfew's in ten minutes, you might want to head back to the castle, won't look right with the Head Boy and Girl being late, hmm?" She smiled at them.

Lily looked around, and the Three Broomsticks was void of students, and the pervy lecher was nowhere to be found. "James…" Lily blushed as she withdrew her hand from his. "Come on, we've got to go."

"Right." He said, the warmth from her hand had not yet left his as he brushed his hand through his untidy black hair.

Lily remained silent on their brisk walk back to Hogwarts, deep in thought. She had a really enjoyable day with James Potter, and yet, it was_ James Potter_. Someone she'd loathed for a majority of her years at Hogwarts. But today, today was different. He was so charming, and effortlessly sweet, and protective. She decided that she stayed in the conversation because she wanted to see where he would slip up back into his stupid bigheaded ways, but that moment never came.

"Potter?" She murmured, looking up at him, and found the way his hair stood stood every which way, dare she think it, lovable.

"Yes, Evans?" He grinned, looking into her bright green eyes, as they stood outside of Hogwarts' front doors.

"Thanks for saving me back there." She replied, quickly looking away from him. "But, don't think that means we're a 'thing,' Potter."

"A 'thing'?" James asked curiously as he opened the door for her. "What are you talking about, Evans?"

"I don't want you getting any ideas that because you _played the part_ of my boyfriend, that it automatically makes it so." She said, furrowing her brow as she spoke, it was difficult to find the right words, apparently.

"Well, I wasn't thinking of that when I did it, Evans. I just didn't like how he was looking at you, or how he acted around you." He replied as they entered the Great Hall. "He, he wouldn't know how to treat you properly."

"And you think you know how to treat a girl properly, Potter?" She asked, as she surveyed the hall.

"Pete says I could use a bit of work, Moony says I could use a lot of work, Sirius says I'm hopeless, but I think he's joking…I think." James mumbled. "Er...I'd be better than that perv at the bar."

"I think I'd like to find out, sans perv at bar." Lily muttered so quietly that James had to stop, and look at her.

"Are...do you...do you want to go on a date, Evans?" James stammered, as he realised what she said. "With me?"

"Erm…" She started, as she sat down at an empty spot along the Gryffindor dining table, James taking the spot next to her. "Yeah...I guess. You pick the time, and you pick the place…"

James was stunned. The moment he'd waited for in his entire time at Hogwarts was finally happening, he and Lily were going to go on a date. A date. "Right. I will. I really...Evans, I will not muck this up. I promise, even if it means getting etiquette lessons from Remus."

Lily was impressed, yet again, by his sincerity. "I'll be looking forward to it." She found herself saying, and James looked up at her, astonished.

"You won't forget this, Evans. You really won't." James replied. "Which means it will only be one of two choices, a spectacularly good date...or a spectacularly _bad_ one."

'I'm hoping it's not the latter.' She thought,

James didn't really know how he got through the rest of the evening, with the idea that he and Lily actually had a date planned, nothing else seemed to matter, and he was grinning stupidly at the edge of his bed. He apparently was so pleased that he didn't hear Remus calling him, or notice Peter flicking tiny wads of crumpled up parchment at him.

It wasn't until Sirius summoned his glasses from his face that he realised they were there. "So he isn't catatonic after a day with his Tiger Lily, pay up, Peter."

Remus snorted in response and asked. "So, has she fallen for you yet?"

"Yes, Prongs, has she? Because Gwen and I had the most amazing day and-" Remus elbowed Sirius in the ribs. "Er...tell us about your day."

James was grinning during the entire story, giving them every detail of everything she said, and how she looked at him, and how she laughed at his jokes. Sirius, like Peter became disinterested after his twentieth description of the freckles across Lily's cheeks, or the way her eyes looked when she smiled. Remus continued to listen while their other, less than helpful, friends pretended to fall asleep.

"Moony, I think this is it, the big definitive moment for James Potter." He sighed once he finished his story. "Oh Merlin…"

"What?" Remus asked, looking confused.

"I...I don't know what to do when we're on our date. What if I muck it up? What if I get another bout of foot-in-mouth disease?" James asked frantically, while Sirius hid his laughter with coughs in response to Peter's dramatically, and strategically delivered, loud snore. "I told her you'd help me learn manners!"

"Prongs!" Remus laughed, amazed at James' genuine dedication to making this Lily Evans' best first date. "Yes...yes, we can go over manners, Prongs. I'm sure we can get Sirius to recruit Gwen to lend us a female point of view."

"Oh I really don't want to muck this up, Moony. I really don't. And she was the one who said we should go on a date in the first place! I_have_ to impress her now." James muttered.

Sirius sat up in his bed. "She was the one who asked? She asked?" He said suddenly. "Prongs...if after years of _you _asking her,_she's_ the one who asks you...I think you're further along in this challenge than you think."

"You would like to think that, wouldn't you, Padfoot? To get a shag in with Gwen Prewett?" James countered.

"No! It's not like that!" Sirius answered. "I'd just like to...to brush away the hair from getting into her face when its windy, or give her a back massage, and kiss her properly. I haven't even thought about shagging her."

Remus and James looked stunned. "After two months, Sirius Black has reformed. I'll have to write that in my observation journal."

"You keep an observation journal?" Peter asked completely dropping the charade. James and Sirius looked at each other, almost embarrassed for Remus, before looking back at him who shrugged nonchalantly before heading back to his four poster.

Sirius looked at Peter who was shaking his head incredulously. Peter, from the corner of his bed chortled, as he asked "How many galleons to see if there's a doily on it?" as he scrambled off of his bed, grabbing some coins from his night stand.

"You're on, Wormtail!" James grinned, pulling loose coins out of his pocket.

"Double or nothing it's from his mum." Sirius laughed, adding his money to the pile on James' bed.

"Oh you're all sods." Remus laughed, and instead of pulling his journal out, which incidentally, _did _have a doily on it, but was _not_ from his mother, he found a Dungbomb which he confiscated from a third year earlier that afternoon. Tapping it surreptitiously with his wand, he tossed it nonchalantly over his shoulder.


	11. The Snoggeri Interrupti

**Thank you reviewers! You really are inspiring and encouraging! Again, many thanks to the beta of wonder, fuegodealmas.**

**Disclaimer: The only character that belongs to be is Gwen. All others are the intellectual property of one Ms. J.K. Rowling. **

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**_The Snoggeri Interrupti_  
**

The next morning Gwen went down to breakfast with Dorcas and Cassandra, who were chatting animatedly about the state of Mary Macdonald's eyebrows; a subject that apparently was so pressing that it took the entire walk to the Great Hall to talk about. Gwen shook her head, and laughed.

"What's so funny?" Dorcas asked, as Gwen was scanning the table of Gryffindors.

"Nothing. Well, you two. I can't imagine what you'd say about me if we weren't mates." Gwen laughed, looking at Dorcas.

"Ah Gwennie, we would never say a bad word against you." Cassandra chimed. "Unless you kept your brothers off limits to us…"

Gwen let out a genuine laugh. "Right, right, I need to remember that! Keep Gideon and Fabian open to friends. Right." She looked over and saw Sirius with his friends, sitting next to James, who was looking rather nervous as Lily was sitting on James' other side.

Gwen walked over to take the empty seat next to Remus so that she could be directly across from Sirius. "Well, hey there, Gwen." He grinned broadly. "Pass me the jam?"

She gave Sirius a feigned contemptuous look as she tied her bright red hair up into a ponytail. "Not when it's right by your arm, Black."

He laughed as he took the knife from the jam and generously spread it onto his toast. Gwen could've sworn he gave her a small wink, before giving her a charming half smile that she _knew_ made her face turn pink. She cleared her throat and looked around, "Lily, since when have you sat with the boys?"

Lily blushed, her green eyes flashed. "I wanted a change of scenery." She replied, and she turned her head ever so slightly to look at James.

"Really?" Gwen grinned. "Good...that's very good."

Sirius gently tapped her shoe with his, bringing her attention back to him. He was secretly pleased at how long she held his gaze. He snorted into his pumpkin juice when he saw her brown eyes reflected a particular look that would leave Remus most scandalised.

Gwen really couldn't focus on anything else that breakfast with Sirius sending mischievous glances in her direction, and had to be nudged gently by Cassandra to go back up to the dormitory. She gave Sirius a fleeting grin before turning around, her flame colored hair swishing behind her in its ponytail. "Did you and Sirius have a lovely day, yesterday, then? You were too tired to talk at dinner, so it must've been good."

Gwen grinned at Dorcas, and replied. "It was."

"Oh that's all you're going to give us? We know you weren't in Hogsmeade." Cassandra asked as she looked for a sweater.

"_And_ we had to endure all of the comments and questions from the Sirius Black fan club." Dorcas sighed. "If those girls applied themselves to school as much as they did to following his every move…"

"He has a fan club?" Gwen asked curiously, as she sat down onto her bed.

"Oh, like you didn't know, Gwen." Dorcas replied sarcastically. "He has the 'Has Shagged' fanclub and the 'Hasn't Shagged' fan club."

"Two, then?" Gwen asked. "Two fanclubs?"

"More like two factions of the same club, and they're, er, trying for unity..." Cassandra specified. "Anyway, now that you know about what we did today, protecting your honor and all that-"

"-that sounds horribly wrong, Cass." Gwen interrupted. "Alright, if you_must_ know."

"We've got to." Dorcas smirked. "As we don't have any sort of relationships lined up for us in the near future."

"We just stayed by the lake the whole day. He showed me how to play this muggle game called 'football'. I'm absolutely rubbish at it though, I can only run for about thirty seconds before I get absolutely winded. I mean, all you do is kick the bloody ball around, but, Merlin, he runs fast."

"Probably a trick he learned from shagging and dashing." Dorcas commented. Gwen pursed her lips, but stayed silent.

Cassandra jumped into the conversation. "Oh come _on,_ Gwen, if Sirius' fan club can see it, obviously _we_ can see it. We're just waiting for you to admit that you fancy him. And you've _got_ to fancy him!"

"Yeah, we saw you two were looking at each other at breakfast this morning." Cassandra grinned. "I'd say you were shagging him with your eyes."

"Oh, Gwen, you've _got _to tell us." Dorcas begged.

Gwen looked at her friends, and blinked. "Gwen, the next few words out of your mouth better not be 'What does it matter, Dorcas' et cetera et cetera." Dorcas continued. "You, when you're not in classes or with us, spend every single moment with him up in the library or at Hogsmeade-"

"And don't even deny it, Gwen!" Cassandra finished.

Gwen breathed, she didn't honestly know what to say. She looked back and forth between her friends whose eyes were watering from trying to hold back their laughter. "God...so what? So bloody what if I do?"

"YOU DO!" Dorcas screamed. "Oh god, you DO!"

"I knew it! I told you, Dorcas, I _told _you." She grinned. "Merlin, this is a big step, Gwen, for you, you've never reciprocated when a boy was going after you."

"Um, lest we forget, my lovely brothers play a big part in that." Gwen replied as she reached for a Fizzing Whizbee from the candy dish on the common table in their dormitory.

"Speaking of your brothers," Dorcas started, excitedly, "when are you going to tell them?"

"Dorcas, Cass, I just _fancy_ him, we're not a couple, or anything." Gwen stated quickly, this Fizzing Whizbee was particularly potent. "And I don't even know if he feels the same way."

"Oh Gwen, you must be blind." Cassandra smirked. Just as Cassandra was going to continue, there was a knock at the door to their dormitory.

Lily stood at the doorway. "Sorry to interrupt, but, er, Gwen, Sirius is looking for you, says he's finished reading your Potions essay."

Cassandra and Dorcas exchanged looks, while Gwen felt her face getting hot. "Oh. Is, er, is that all?"

"He's in the Common Room waiting?" Lily shrugged. "Said to bring your potions notes too."

"Right...right." Gwen said, as she rifled through her messy corner of school books, scrap bits of parchment and quills and ink bottles. "Thanks, Lily." She hoisted her strap over her head and onto her shoulder.

Lily nodded, smiling, and left for her dormitory. "Hey, Gwen, take your hair down." Dorcas suggested.

"Why?" She asked, as Cassandra came up to her. "Cassandra, are you _sniffing_ me?"

"Yes. Hang on." She went over to Gwen's bedside table as Dorcas came around and pulled Gwen's hair gently out of its ponytail. Cassandra was back holding a perfume bottle that Gwen was _not_ going to admit that she'd used yesterday. And she was definitely not going to admit that Sirius had complimented her on it, either.

Cassandra spritzed the air with great flourish, letting the mist just fall into place. "Okay...okay, we're going down to the Common Room with you, just act natural."

"You know...I was going to act natural until you two decided to go down with me." Gwen muttered, running a hand through her strawberry blonde hair.

'They really don't have to giggle like that.' Gwen thought as she descended the stairs, her leg muscles protested, aching as she continued each step. "Oh I am going to kill him." She muttered. At least Cassandra and Dorcas didn't notice.

"Bit stiff this morning?" Sirius grinned, as Gwen was three steps away from touching level ground again. "That portrait hole is going to be a bit of a bastard to climb through."

"If I had strength in my legs, I would probably give you a swift kick, Black." She muttered, as she gingerly made it to the Common Room floor. Dorcas and Cassandra followed quickly behind her, bringing a textbook and a magazine to pretend like they just happened to be going to the common room at that moment anyways.

She felt a slight shiver run down her spine as Sirius' hands grazed her shoulders, and he took her bag. "You'll walk easier, and you'll completely forget that it was my fault."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to let you off so quickly, Black."

"After I've read through your Potions essay?" He asked, feigning shock. "All of that work!"

"All the work looking for Peter's old notes and Remus' essays?" She asked, grinning.

"Hey that took work!" He smirked. Gwen heard Dorcas and Cassandra titter behind her.

"Oh, hey Cassandra, Dorcas." Sirius nodded to them, suddenly realising that they had an audience. He shook his hair out of his eyes, grinning at them. "Don't worry, I'll have her back, though she might be in several pieces, as she seems to be falling apart."

"That is totally your fault." Gwen muttered, nudging his arm gently with her shoulder as she walked ahead of him towards the portrait hole.

"Oh, did you see the nudge?" Dorcas hissed to Cassandra as they sat next to each other on the sofa.

"Definitely fancies him." Cassandra smirked.

-----

Sirius sat across from Gwen in the library, pretending to be reviewing some notes from his sixth year to help her. He tapped her foot again, just like at breakfast. She looked up from her scroll of parchment, and grinned. "Sirius, all you did on my potions essay was write _you_r name in fifty different ink colours."

"Did I?" He asked, leaning over the table, he put his hand on hers, taking the other side of the parchment to look at his handiwork.

"You're a cheeky bastard, you'll do anything for a touch." She grinned, though, she let his hand linger as her eyes once again met his.

"Any sort of touch is welcome, at this point." He gave her, what he thought, was a charming smile. What Gwen didn't know was that he was cursing Remus Lupin at this moment. He really wanted to know how soft her lips were, if she used lipgloss. Honestly, he wanted to be like a bloke in one of those muggle movies where he'd clear everything off of the table in one grand gesture and they'd start snogging passionately.

"Do you mind if I bother you?" Sirius looked up at the face of Lily Evans. 'Female Snoggerus Interruptus, must tell Moony.' He noted.

"Sure, Lily, have a seat. I think I'll need your opinion on my potions essay as Sirius just doodled all over it." Gwen said, smirking at him. Not the answer Sirius wanted. Definitely not.

Lily appeared to be poring over the essay when she stopped. "I told James that I would go on a date with him." She said this very quickly, and looked up at Gwen, Sirius sat back in his chair.

"And…" Gwen started. "This is, this is good right? Because-"

"Gwen, I don't know if...I mean he's different this year, he doesn't...he's," She stammered. "He's James Potter." She sighed.

"So it's bad that you decided to let him take you on a date?" Gwen asked, confusedly looking at Sirius for any sort of help. He shook his head and shrugged. "Helpful, Sirius, really helpful."

"I don't know what I was thinking when I said he could...but I'd feel like a right old shrew if I backed out now, and then I'd have to come up with a reason why." Lily sighed, burying her face in her hands.

"Hang on, hang on. So...your problem, is that you finally said yes to a boy who's fancied you for the last six years here at Hogwarts?" Gwen asked after a long pause.

"It's complicated." Lily replied, hastily. Gwen shook her head.

"It's not. He fancies you. He's only _ever_ fancied you." This time it was Sirius who spoke. "He even quit hexing Sniv-Snape because of what happened fifth year."

Lily looked at Sirius, and then to Gwen who was giving her the same look. "So...I should just...go on the date."

"YES." They both sighed, exasperatedly.

"James has been _dreaming_ of this for _ages_, Lily. He won't dream of mucking this up now that you've actually said yes." Sirius continued. "I mean he's not going to shut up about it after your date, but it's much better than hearing about him mope about how much you hate him."

"I don't-" Lily stopped herself. "He does that?"

"Daily. Hourly. Sometimes minute by minute on a particularly colourful day." Sirius sighed, shaking his head.

Lily was quiet for a moment, and her eyes returned back to the parchment in her hands. "Oh you've misspelt chrysanthemum." And Lily took the quill resting next to Sirius and began the task of scribbling away on Gwen's essay.

Several hours later, Gwen had finally rewritten her essay to Lily's liking, occasionally giving Sirius a tap on the foot to indicate that she was miffed that he had 'edited' it.

Lily would look up occasionally to clear her mind from her own Potions homework, and was intrigued to see the interaction between Gwen and Sirius. She watched them, mainly Sirius, with great skepticism to see if he was being genuine with her, or if he was just doing it to get a shag out of her friend. Lily looked at her watch: she had to check on Remus who was doing rounds. She decided she'd keep an eye this flickering romance between the bed-hopping Sirius and the proper Gwen.

"I've got to go, Head Girl stuff." Lily explained, as she packed her things.

Once she was fully out of earshot, Gwen sighed. "Merlin, and I thought she'd never leave."

"I thought you liked Lily." Sirius asked confused.

"I do...but, honestly Sirius, it's hard enough to concentrate as it is with you over there smirking at me." Gwen started. "She kept tapping the table with her fingers."

"Note: Don't tap the table." Sirius grinned, as he glanced at her essay. "She give you good notes for the essay?" Gwen nodded. "Do you wanna go for a bit of a stroll around the castle before heading to the Common Room?"

Gwen shrugged. "Sure, but if I collapse from the sheer pain of sore muscles, I'm hexing you." She grinned as she started to pack her things away. Things were silent between them as they left the rather empty library.

_Just take her hand, you git, just, take it_! He thought as they turned the corner from the library. Her free hand was so very close to his._Damn damn damn_, he thought just as he took her hand in his.

Gwen inhaled sharply, surprised at this sudden gesture. She bit her lip as she looked up to talk to him. "Remus says this is okay?"

"Completely okay." Sirius grinned, squeezing her hand. She returned it gently. He moved closer.

'Oh...oh my...he's going to try and kiss me, please don't, no do...oh i'll be horrible.' The thoughts raced through Gwen's mind as she looked up at a grinning Sirius, his grey eyes looking into hers.

"Ahh I wish I had someone to hold my hand whilst I strolled the castle." The amused voice of Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, an elder form of_Snoggerus Interruptus, _Sirius fumed. Sirius and Gwen stared at each other, realising they were still holding hands. They just as quickly dropped them before looking back at their headmaster.

"Don't let _me_ interrupt your stroll, Mr. Black, Ms. Prewett. Have a wonderful afternoon." He replied, blue eyes twinkling, and with great flourish he strolled away whistling merrily.

"Er, yes, Headmaster." Sirius replied, looking over at Gwen who was at least two feet away from him.

Gwen would not look at Sirius as they started back towards Gryffindor. Sirius expelled a long, drawn out sigh. "I was so close…" He muttered.

"To what?" Gwen asked, looking at him as they walked past a suit of armor. She overcame the nerves knotting in her stomach and took Sirius' hand again. She saw him grin as he stared ahead, his thumb rubbing against the smooth skin of her hand. "You're not answering my question, Black."

Sirius grinned, and shook his head dismissively. "Just let me ramble, eh?"

"Alright, alright." She grinned, as they continued down a busy corridor.

He listened as she started talking about football, asking Sirius about the rules. He found it amusing that although she consistently griped about how painful her legs were, she was still interested in the sport. "Do you want to stop here?" He asked, grinning at her as they stopped at a rather squat little suit of armor.

Gwen smiled back. "I didn't say I was tired, I was just complaining about how I'm not as fit as I thought."

"Oh you're fit." Sirius grinned, as he put her bag down, brushing away a bit of her hair from her face. "And don't even think to say you're not."

"Yes, sir." She replied. She went onto her toes and touched the tip of her nose to Sirius'. "You're sweet."

At this slightest touch, Sirius felt himself flush. 'Sirius Black does not flush!' His mind protested irately. "I'm sure _that's_ alright." Sirius mumbled.

He, however, could not continue exploring this dilemma as there was a muttering from behind Gwen. A bright flash of brilliant turquoise light hit the squat suit of armor behind Sirius. It began to hit him rather futilely on the leg. Gwen turned around to see a rather unexpected set of faces.

"Fabian? Gideon!" She gasped, excitedly. She momentarily forgot that she had cramping legs and ran to her brothers, who both hugged her tightly.

Sirius had the wild idea that Fabian was not going to let go. He inched forward. "Er, Gwen, you might want your bag."

"Oh, right, thanks Sirius." She smiled brightly, though Fabian was the one to take the bag, eyeing him with a guarded stare, his arm firmly upon Gwen's shoulder.

"Sirius, a word…" Gideon said, his voice a very calm tone that Sirius knew to be foreboding, the end of his life. He took Sirius along the same corridor he just walked with Gwen. Sirius craned his neck to get one more fleeting glance at Gwen who was apparently oblivious that her protective older brother had taken him down through a dark corner of the castle. Gwen was showing Fabian a newly learned Transfiguration method, giving him a rather large, bright red, handlebar mustache that curled upwards at the tips.

'They'll never find my body, they'll never find my body.' Sirius said to himself as he felt Gideon put a firm hand on his shoulder. 'He's too good to leave any sort of trace of my existence, I am a dead man...I'll tell him I've reformed, that I'm going to join a monastery.'

"Fabian and I dropped by today to talk to Dumbledore." He said this casually. "And we expected he'd know where to find our dear sister Gwen, he knows everything that man."

"Yes." Sirius answered, mentally cursing at himself for agreeing to the obvious.

"When he said something absolutely peculiar, I mean, I heard Fabian's jaw hit the floor." Gideon continued.

"Er...he said what?" Sirius asked, fearing the worst. He hated that Gideon was being so _glib_.

"Well he said he saw you two strolling about the castle. Holding hands." Gideon continued. "Now, don't get me wrong, Sirius, I find it all very well and good that my sister fancies someone, but I don't know how comfortable I am that it's _you_ she fancies."

"What…" Sirius managed to exclaim.

"Gwen and her friends have talked about you in passing, during the summers. You know girls, they talk about who they fancy and whatever." Gideon answered, nonchalantly. "Your name came up, attached to the words 'most notorious bed hopper Hogwarts has ever seen'."

Sirius was less than amused.

"So you see why I've brought you aside, Sirius. Because if indeed you're going to shag and dash with my sister-"

"-We haven't even kissed!" Sirius blurted this out nervously. "We haven't! We've _just now_ started holding hands. I mean I hadn't held her hand _until_ today. I haven't snogged anyone since the start of term, anyone!"

"So, she's not good enough for you then? Just going to lead her on?" Gideon's expression changed. For the worse, Sirius concluded.

"No! She's...I'm not leading her on." Sirius stammered.

"Finish that first thought. I'd like to hear that." Gideon's hand went to his own pocket, no doubt ready to hex Sirius in defense of his sister.

"She's..._perfect_. Alright?" Sirius sighed, the word just slipping from his unconscious. "I think about her all the time."

Gideon no longer wore an expression of anger, and Sirius could feel himself relaxing. "Still, do any wrong by her...you'll know what." He warned.

"Right." Sirius replied, nervously running a hand through his hair. He started walking back to where there was less of a chance that he would be hexed, preferably in Gwen's immediate vicinity.

"Oh, Sirius?" Gideon said, as he walked next to him. Sirius looked up. "Just be good to her, aye?"

"I will. I am." Sirius corrected. Gideon nodded approvingly.

"Fabian, come on, we've got to go about the tiresome business of lifesaving." Gideon grinned as he surveyed his brother's new facial hair. "Fabulous moustache, Fabian."

"Her handiwork." Fabian grinned, twirling an end with his fingers. "I'm thinking I'll keep it when we go visit Molly. 'M sure Bill and Charlie would enjoy it."

"They'd pull it right off." Gwen smirked. "And _that_ will be your fault for keeping it on."

Fabian gave his sister a poke to the side. "Don't cause too much mischief, eh, Gwennie? Stick to handlebar moustaches" He gave his sister a hug and a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Fabian." She giggled as the whiskers of his moustache tickled her forehead. Gideon pushed his brother away. "Come on, Gid, couldn't you see I was having a moment with my smarter brother?"

"Smarter? I got more NEWTs than him." Gideon grinned.

"I didn't know the gave NEWTs in 'Git'." Gwen said, sticking her tongue out at her brother. Fabian said something in agreement as Gideon pulled his sister into a hug. "Do write us, and Molly is complaining that you don't write her enough."

"I have _school_, you know. _Learning things?_ Have you lot forgotten how ridiculous school was?" She asked, surveying her brothers.

"We didn't take Arithmancy. Your fault." Fabian smirked, clearly enjoying his moustache as he twitched his lips.

"Oh just go." She laughed. "And I _will_ write you both, and Molly. Now go and save the world, or whatever it is you do."

Sirius watched as Gwen waved less than enthusiastically at her brothers. "Ah, I can't wait till Christmas." She sighed, turning back to Sirius.

"That was unexpected." Sirius muttered as they started walking back to Gryffindor Tower. "Do you want me to carry your bag again?"

"I think I can handle it, but thanks for asking, Sirius." She grinned. "And yes, that was completely unexpected, but I really did miss them. Did you like the moustache I gave Fabian?"

"Well executed, m'lady." He replied. 'What the hell was that? M'lady? God Sirius, you _are_ a wanker.'

"Thanks." She grinned.

He felt her hand take his again, and he could feel his face flushing, which reminded him. "What was that, back there? With the noses?"

Gwen started laughing. "Are you serious?"

"Yes." He grinned. "I _am_ Sirius."

"Oh what a _stupid_ joke." She laughed, rolling her eyes.

"And yeah, about the nose thing, I'm serious about that too." He smirked.

"You've never had an Eskimo Kiss?" She asked. " I used to do them with Gideon and Fabian when I was younger! They're so...they're amazing when it's snowing, and you've got your hoods up, and you're too cold to do anything else but touch noses.." She said this all very quickly.

"I liked it." He said quietly, and he felt her squeeze his hand.

"I did too." She grinned. They had managed to get to Gryffindor Tower. "Does Remus say those are allowed?"

"He never said anything about eskimo kisses." He grinned, thinking about the term. Sirius stopped her before the portrait of the Fat Lady. "You know what else Remus says is okay?"

"Mmm." She replied, as she felt his other hand gingerly touch her waist. He gave her a kiss on the cheeks that was just a fraction away from her lips.

"No lip to lip contact, but _that_ I can do." He grinned, and realised that his face felt very hot. He looked at her, and she had an extremely content look on her face.

"No lip to lip contact, Black." She smirked, and she dropped her bag onto the floor. She kissed his cheek in return. He winked at her, and began kissing her neck, remembering, rather quickly, that he was to keep his hands above her waist, below her chest. Though, he thought, he could put a hand behind her head. And he went for it.

Gwen was absolutely reeling. She had no idea that she could still be standing, and she realised she felt very hot, and wondered how Sirius' lips weren't burning into her skin. They felt so warm, and he was so very _very_ good at kissing her neck. He'd started from just below her ear and now was paying very close attention to her collarbone. She felt herself release a throaty sigh.

"So, will either of you say the password already, or are you just going to make me sit here and _watch_ this?" The Fat Lady asked airily.

They ignored her, and Sirius continued to try and get near two months worth of no physical contact into this moment when the portrait swung open with Remus in the doorway. "What do we have here?"

Sirius hasty attempt to make himself look presentable, hastily wiping his lips on the collar of Gwen's robes. "She got..er...it's not in the rules!"

Gwen swore as she saw that Dorcas and Cassandra had clear view of what happened before Remus opened the door. "Damn." Gwen muttered.

"And no adding them." Sirius muttered. Remus grinned. "Seriously, Moony."

"Your middle name isn't Lee." Remus started. "It's Orion."

"Oh shut it. Let Gwen in, yeah? I need a word." Sirius said quietly. Gwen was a bright shade of red as she walked into the Common Room, keeping her head down and trying to avoid her friends.

Remus stepped out of the portrait hole. "What is it, Padfoot?"

Sirius paced. Things were not good if Sirius was pacing. "I've been giving this a lot of thought."

"Before or after you slobbered all over Gwen?" Remus asked, though there was no hint of amusement in his voice.

"Before. God, before. Like, when we were at Hogsmeade together." Sirius rambled. "I want out of this challenge."

Remus blinked. "Right." He looked at Sirius, a weary look on his face. "I thought you'd say something like that."

"And, it's not because I want to shag Gwen. I mean, maybe down the road. If we get there." Sirius continued.

"What?" Remus asked. "I'm sorry, I don't think I heard that quite right. You don't want to shag her straight away?"

"She gave me this bloody eskimo kiss, you know, the thing with the nose." Sirius sighed. "And I...Moony it was so much more personal than a snog...I wanted to kiss her, right there, Moony. God, I should just start wearing knickers, I sound like a right idiot."

"You don't sound like a right idiot." Remus replied, encouragingly. "I think you're smitten." _Maybe in love, even_. _No, Sirius said long ago that love was for tossers_, Remus noted.

"Smitten." Sirius mumbled. "So, can I be out of this challenge?"

Remus was silent for what Sirius felt was an eternity. "You _can_ quit, but if you do, that means you had little faith in James for getting his end of the challenge. You know that's what that means."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "Prongs would be...he'd be pissed off, wouldn't he?"

"I'd suspect...just a bit." Remus said with a small chuckle.

"And he probably wouldn't speak to me for a while." Sirius continued. "Though the way he's been going on about Lily day after day, that might not be so bad." He grinned looking at Remus.

"So?" Remus waited for his decision.

"I'll stay in, but don't tell Prongs about my moment of weakness. Or that I said that I'd wear knickers." Sirius warned, as he picked up his bag and turned to the portrait.

"Oh I wouldn't, _she_ might, though." Remus laughed, nodding his head at the portrait.

"You're sneaky, Moony. A right, sneaky you-know-what. Toujours Fidele, and let me in already." Sirius laughed.

While Sirius was talking to Remus, Gwen marched past her two friends who were already whispering excitedly to each other much to her dismay. She hoped that if she ran up the the stairs to the dormitory fast enough, that they would ignore her. She was sorely mistaken.

"Let's see, let's see it!" Dorcas squealed, Cassandra looking wild eyed next to her.

Gwen looked confused, "What?"

"She's...wow, he must he good." Dorcas said, looking at Cassandra for her input on the matter.

Cassandra leaned over Dorcas to see what she was looking at. Gwen was still standing in the middle of their dormitory, absolutely baffled as to what was happening. "Oh, that's..yeah."

"What are you two talking about?" Gwen asked, feeling oddly like an animal at a zoo, as Dorcas and Cassandra pointed, whispered, and giggled.

"You've got...you've got a love bite." Cassandra smirked. "Right there." She continued, pointing a spot on her own neck.

Gwen flushed and rushed to a mirror. It was there, like the bright advertisements in London. "Oh god...Oh god. Thank god Gideon and Fabian left before this...oh god. I...I'm going to kill Sirius."

"And miss out on getting another fabulous slag tag?" Dorcas smirked. "Only joking, you're not a slag."

"Thanks." Gwen rolled her eyes as she went to search for a scarf to cover it up.

"Don't cover it up with a scarf, that would be horribly obvious." Cassandra insisted. "Just keep your hair down, like, over your shoulders, not behind them, because then everyone can see."

"Well everyone is going to see it anyway." Gwen whined. "It's as big as a galleon."

"Yes but only _you_, know where that galleon came from." Cassandra smirked.


	12. The Ginger Temptress

**Thank you so much for the lovely reviews everybody, I really really am touched (Oh god, you'll never read that sentence the same way after this chapter). Many thanks to the beta fuegodealmas, my lovely British friend EveyM, and Rach for some amazing one liners that have made it into this fic.**

**This chapter is the longest one so far, but, it is by far, my favorite one to write. **

**If you like innuendo, and are of a dirty mind. You will enjoy this chapter. **

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Chapter Title: The Ginger Temptress

Remus was on prefect duties with Alexa, and they were walking briskly through the library. He'd been searching for a Sirius-free Gwen during their entire prefects rounds, and finally he spotted her. "Hang on, 'lex, I've got to have a word with Gwen." Alexa nodded, spotting some girls from her year in a nearby aisle of books. She walked over to them and started chatting as Remus made his way to Gwen

"Gwen, is Sirius around?"

"Er, no, he's with James today. Helping him pick out an outfit for his date with Lily tomorrow." Gwen smirked. "Those two are worse than Dorcas and Cassandra."

"I doubt they'll be doing his hair together." Remus laughed. "Anyway, I have a proposition for you, Gwen."

"And what's that?" She asked, putting her quill down. She noted a mischievous look in his eyes, and became immediately intrigued.

"How would you feel about a series of events involving Sirius Black?" He asked, vaguely.

"I'd probably be up for it. It depends though, Remus, what's this all about?" Gwen asked.

"Well you remember the challenge." He started. Gwen nodded. "I'd just like you to make the challenge a bit harder for him. You know, use your feminine wiles to beguile and entice."

"My _feminine wiles_, Remus?" Gwen asked. "Like what? Hike my skirt up? Give him a leggy show?"

"That would be a start, but nothing too obvious, Gwen. And I'd expect you'd come up with more ways." He grinned. "You're a subtle person, he'd probably think something was up if you-"

"If I tarted myself up?" Gwen asked. "He probably would. And yes, Remus, I'll take you up on this. He makes the funniest face when he can't get what he wants. As a general statement, not just...shagging."

"Right." Remus said, laughing. "Okay. I'm going to go finish up my rounds, think hard on other ways to keep him occupied."

"Hang on, Remus, why am I doing this?" She asked, before he got out of earshot.

"Because I feel like we need to test his strength of character...and it will be hilarious." He grinned.

As a first step, Gwen pulled her hair from its normal ponytail. It was still slightly damp from her shower this morning, and she felt a pair of familiar hands mussing it up. "Oh, hello, you." She grinned up at Sirius. "Did you find James matching socks?"

"We've even got his underpants matching." Sirius laughed as he sat down next to her, casually slipping an arm around her.

"I don't think Lily is the kind of girl to make it to the underpants on the first date." Gwen said matter-of-factly, hitting Sirius gently on the chest.

"Well in the event that she is, or James manages to reverse six years of preconceived notions in one date…" Sirius answered. Gwen looked at him, surprised at the insight coming from the man next to her.

"That was incredibly well put, Sirius. I'm quite proud." Gwen laughed. Madam Pince, who was returning a stack of books to their shelves, shot her a very displeased look. "I hope their date goes well, though."

"Do you?" Sirius grinned. "Is that because of your current company?"

Gwen gave him another mischievous look. "You're so full of yourself, Black." She laughed. "I've got Arithmancy to work on, alright? No talking for another twenty minutes, and then we can take a break."

"Yes, ma'am." He grinned. He leaned over to her, brushing some strands of hair away from her ears and whispered. "You should know I like taking commands." Sirius received an elbow in the ribs, though he saw that she was blushing.

---

James felt sick. He really felt unwell. This date with Lily made him more nervous than his first Quidditch match and his first detention, combined. He looked over at Peter who gave him a reassuring 'thumbs up'

"Thanks, Pete." James muttered.

"What do you do before a Quidditch match to calm your nerves?" Peter asked.

"He has a wank." Sirius laughed. Sirius was sitting comfortably in a sofa, Gwen sitting on the floor, resting her head against his knee.

"I do _not_ wank before Quidditch matches." James replied, amidst their laughter. "I take a few deep breaths and close my eyes."

"Why don't you do that, now, then?" Peter suggested.

"Good man, Wormtail, Good man." Sirius grinned at Peter, who shrugged with faux nonchalance.

"Becauuuse, what if she sees me?" James groaned. "Then she'll never want to go out with someone who has to give himself a pep talk before a date."

"Well she's already a bit off if she said yes to you, mate." Peter smirked. Sirius raised his hand in the air.

"Air five, Pete. Well done." Sirius grinned as Peter sank back into his chair satisfied. "What are you up to this weekend, Wormtail?" Sirius asked as he put his hands on Gwen's shoulders, rubbing them gently.

"Well you know Alexa's friend Megan, in Hufflepuff?" Peter said as casually as possible.

Sirius looked up at Peter quickly. "Have you been having trysts with her in the library? Is _that_ why you're not coming to Hogsmeade anymore?"

"Oh Sirius, not everyone is like_you_." Gwen answered, defending Peter, who didn't even have a chance to answer the question.

"Thank you, Gwen." Peter replied, glaring at Sirius. "She's just needed a bit of help in Ancient Runes."

"Did you show her _your ancient rune_, Wormtail? Did you? You did you dirty brute." Sirius laughed.

Peter looked highly affronted to being called a 'dirty brute' and went back to reviewing scrolls of notes.

"Sirius, behave." Gwen said in an a warning tone.

"For you? Anything." He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Sorry, Pete. Just a bit, er, starved for action." He felt Gwen poke at his shin.

"I think Remus is right, it has addled your brains." Peter replied behind his parchment.

Gwen tilted her neck to the side as Sirius continued to massage her. This, as they had checked with Remus, did not count as frisking, and so Sirius had managed to give her a shoulder massage nearly every day. Not that she minded.

"Hey, Gwen...could you go see if she's ready?" Sirius whispered. "I'm going to have a few words with James."

"Right because you are such an expert at dating?" She smirked. She gave him a small appreciative pat on the head as she readjusted her skirt before going up the stairs. She could feel him stare at her until she was out of sight.

Gwen knocked gently on the door to Lily's room. Unsurprisingly, the girls in Lily's year were also helping her get ready, and much excited giggling was happening. There was a bit of an awkward silence when they saw Gwen enter the room, as many of the other girls were staunch members, if not the founders, of the Sirius Black fan club. Gwen, gauging by the extremely cold stares from them, decided they were part of the 'Haven't Shagged' faction of the club.

"Er, hi Lil. James is waiting for you." Gwen mustered a grin at the girls who were staring daggers at her. "He looks a bit pale and like he's going to be sick, so be nice, for the first ten minutes at least."

Lily grinned. "I'll try." She laughed. "Merlin, if you told me that I'd be going on a date with James Potter, I would've hexed you into oblivion." She gave herself one last perfunctory glance in the mirror. She'd chosen a jean skirt and a green cashmere sweater that complemented her auburn hair. "Wish me luck, girls. Don't make too much noise at us when we're at Hogsmeade, if you see us."

The girls tittered as Lily stepped out. "Alright Lily, let me go down and warn him so he can get whatever it is out of his system, and hopefully not on you." Gwen said quickly, traipsing down the stairs.

She came down to a scene of Sirius giving James an encouraging hug, Peter patting James on the back, before packing up his things. "You'll be fine, mate. Now _I've_ got to get to the library." Peter grinned smugly at his friends.

"Don't slobber over the books, during your tryst, Wormtail. You'll have Pince _and_ Moony to answer to." Sirius smirked.

"Didn't she tell you to behave, Padfoot?" Peter laughed, nodding his head at Gwen, whose lips were pursed, a hand on her hip. Sirius looked at her, and looked a bit sheepish. Before Peter ducked through the portrait hole, Sirius could have sworn Peter made the sound of a whip cracking.

"Oh, and what's the verdict on time here? I'd like us to get ourselves over to Hogsmeade as well, Gwen." Sirius asked loudly, ignoring Peter.

"She'll be down, come on Lily!" Gwen called, she pushed Sirius away from James. "Give them some space, Sirius, honestly."

"It sounds like someone's just as anxious as I am for these two to start dating." Sirius grinned as he took her hand.

"We've had this conversation before, you twit." She sighed. "Pretend to look busy, Sirius. Come on." She said pushing him into a chair. She sat next to him, and picked up the newspaper.

Lily came down the stairs, fidgeting nervously with her sweater sleeve, her jacket in her other hand. "Er...are you ready then?" James' voice was nowhere near as confident as Lily expected.

"Yeah, yeah I am." Lily smiled. James took her coat from her and held it open for her to easily slip into. "Thank you, James."

Sirius watched surreptitiously over the top of the newspaper. "Gwen...Gwen, his nostrils are flaring."

"What on earth does that mean?" Gwen asked, her brow furrowing as she tried to peek over the newspaper as well.

"That he's about to shite himself." Sirius replied, laughing. They watched as the other couple exited the Common Room. After the portrait hole shut, they heard a loud giggling coming from the top of the stairs.

"Seventh years." Gwen replied to Sirius' confused look. "Ack, this skirt is not comfortable in the slightest." She whined, as she stood up.

"I like it." Sirius grinned mischievously. "Might be too cold outside though." He added hastily as Gwen shot him a look.

"I'll be back in a second, and then we can go, alright Sirius?" She headed up towards the girls dorms just as Remus made his way downstairs.

"You and Gwen spending the day together?" Remus asked, grinning at his friend, who was still staring at the staircase Gwen disappeared to. "Hey, Padfoot."

"Oh...right. Yeah, Hogsmeade again, I guess. Though, I don't know what we'll do. We've gone 'round everywhere really." Sirius sighed, folding up the paper. Gwen came back down the stairs now in jeans, and a warm looking scarf draped casually around her shoulders.

"Oh, hello, Remus!" She smiled warmly, though she was looking confused, and then upset. "Agh..Sirius, can you whip out your wand?"

An idea sparking from Remus' previous proposition flitted into Gwen's head as she saw Sirius do the quickest of double takes. "Why's that, Gwen?" He asked, his voice casual.

"I've just forgotten my wand upstairs, and I don't want to go upstairs again. I'm too lazy." She sighed.

Remus gave her a grin before stating "Keep out of trouble, you two." With that he set out to find Alexa outside of the Great Hall.

Gwen's wand came zooming downstairs and Sirius caught it deftly. "Thanks so much, Sirius."

"It was easy." He grinned. "And besides, you know I'll do anything for a compliment from a pretty lady."

Gwen blushed, though he had set himself up again. "Well, you are quite excellent in the way you wield your wand."

Sirius grinned at her double entendre. "And how would you know that?" Gwen didn't respond, and Sirius assumed she didn't understand what he meant. He slipped an arm over her shoulder as they headed over to the portrait hole. "So, Hogsmeade again?"

"I don't know, I'd like to play some Quidditch actually. I haven't gone flying in ages." Gwen sighed, looking out the window. "It's an overcast day, but good visibility."

"Brothers taught you a bit, then?" Sirius asked excitedly as they passed through the portrait hole.

"Well, 'course they did." She grinned. "So…"

"You want to do a bit flying, then." Sirius grinned back. He hadn't done any leisurely flying since before he'd joined the team. James, and his maniacal quest for success, seemed to think there was no such thing as leisure flying.

"I haven't got a broom though." She mused. Gwen, after growing up with Gideon and Fabian, learned, among other things, how to use her words. She knew that Sirius would slowly be walking into her trap, just by opening his mouth.

"Hmm…" Sirius mumbled as they made their way downstairs. "Well, James is off at Hogsmeade, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you borrowed his for the afternoon."

Gwen looked at Sirius, stopping him on a landing with a hand on his arm. "But, Sirius, I'd much rather ride yours." Her face was unreadable, innocent, and, she hoped, as innocuous as her statement.

Sirius blinked as he tried to suppress a grin. "Er...yeah you can ride mine then." He laughed, nervously. 'Don't laugh at that, you tit, she's serious.' He chided himself as they continued downstairs, and out onto the grounds. They were chatting casually about England's chances for the Cup, something Gwen found to be horribly slim.

She watched amusedly as he unlocked the large broom shed, only to hear a resounding crash that meant dozens of brooms spilled down to the ground. "Oh honestly these people don't know how to hang their brooms properly." Sirius muttered, tossing several broomsticks belonging to the Slytherin side into a corner.

Gwen pointed up to a broom, under which was a sign that read 'S. Black - Beater.' "Is that one yours then?" She asked, casually. Sirius looked up from his work at setting the brooms aside, and nodded. "Well, at least you're well hung, there, Sirius." She smiled, satisfied, when she heard him pause for a moment, before putting the last of the brooms away.

She watched Sirius reach for his broom, the bottom of his thermal shirt exposing a bit of his stomach underneath. "Alright, ladies choice." He said, holding James' broom, and his own.

'Only too easy, Black.' She thought as she stepped forward to inspect both brooms. She held the handle of James' broom for a moment, and then when to Sirius'. "Oh, sorry Sirius, but I'm going to be taking your broom for today." She grinned, carefully hiding her mischief, the way her brothers taught her to hide her mischief from Molly and their parents.

"And why's that?" Sirius asked, as he shut the door to the broom shed, and they headed towards onto the Quidditch pitch.

"Your broom's nice and girthy. Feels like a lot of power behind it." She answered it with such ease that it sounded less like a dirty double entendre and more like a review from_ Which Broomstick? _

Sirius snorted, just as she took off into the air. "Gwennie, I don't quite think you know what you're doing to me." He grinned as he flew after her. She just turned her head to grin at him and sped away.

They'd been flying for hours, and Gwen seemed to be a natural. She insisted on racing Sirius to the goalposts and when she wouldn't win, insisted on a rematch. Needless to say, Sirius was exhausted, and thankful that the rain started to pour while they were in the middle of their tenth race. He waited for her in front of the broom shed.

"Hmm." Gwen started, slowly walking over to him as she moved her wet hair out of her eyes.

"Yeah?"

"I haven't been this wet since October." She answered, as she fruitlessly tried to wring out her sweater sleeves

Sirius hastily looked away from her and busied himself with opening the broom shed. "I didn't think it would rain again. Since it's er..._not_ October anymore." Sirius grimaced. 'What the hell am I saying?'

She had to grin at how _attractive_ he looked in the rain. His hair was flattened and raindrops would slide off of the tip of his nose on occasion. His shirt was sticking to his torso, outlining his muscles, and his jeans were clinging tightly elsewhere, highlighting the object of her innuendo, and she bit her lip to keep from laughing.

He opened the broom shed, and stepped inside, Gwen behind him, partially because she wanted a respite from the rain. "You know Sirius, when I lean forward on your broomstick, there's the slightest thrust, gets me going a bit faster. It's amazing."

Sirius paused midway from putting James' broom back to its designated spot. He _had_ to have imagined the sound of... _arousal?_ He smiled awkwardly, and cleared his throat. "That's...er, that's lovely." A gust of wind shut the door. "Oh you've got to be kidding me." He groaned, just as he'd finished returning his and James' brooms. They were completely in the dark, and he could feel Gwen moving next to him. "What are you doing, Gwen?"

Even stuck in a broom closet, Gwen found this would be an excellent opportunity to continue on her innuendo filled afternoon. "I'm just trying to feel for the _knob_. It's awfully difficult to find it in the dark." She answered.

"No...not really." He answered, grinning, though she couldn't see.

"Found it." She said. He heard her shaking the doorknob. "Damn." She muttered, letting out a sigh.

"What, what's wrong?" Sirius asked, he was preoccupied with drying his clothes with his wand.

"The knob." Gwen answered, knowing that her smile would be concealed in the darkness. "It's...it's too stiff. I think I'll give it a tug, might loosen it up."

Sirius swore he thought Gwen was smiling as she said this, but convinced himself otherwise. 'I have a dirty mind, that's all.' He justified his thought quickly. "Any luck?"

"No, no luck." She sighed. "And it doesn't help that I can't see anything."

"You know," Sirius started, as he recalled a lesson from Muggle Studies, "Muggles have this fascinating thing on their walls, runs on electricity or something. And you press this button, and voila! The lights are on."

Gwen thought as to how this could work in her favor. "So, you can turn them on if you push the right button? Is it right away that they turn on? Or does it take some time and attention?"

He passed the comment off for her lack of knowledge on Muggles, though he thought, lecherously, 'Oh, Gwen, I could easily show you a bit of time and attention, you and your button.' He laughed out loud at his.

"Sirius. Can you give it a tug?" She started, again, and there was pleading in her voice now. "The knob. It's sooo stiff."

'This is Gwen,' he reminded himself as he casually adjusted his still sopping jeans, 'Gwen, who hasn't cashed it in, Gwen, so she wouldn't talk like that.' He cleared his throat. "Right, er…"

"Go on, give it a tug." She urged.

Sirius couldn't handle it, bombarded by painful innuendos within the last five minutes was a horrible punishment, and the fact that he'd never shagged a girl in the broom closet was also hanging over his head. Wincing, he answered, "Yeah, I will, later."

Gwen held her amusement back as she continued. "Sirius, we are stuck in a broomshed _now_." She sighed, keeping that one innuendo free so that he would not suspect anything, if he didn't already.

"Right…" He muttered. Instead of trying to twist the doorknob, he pushed against the door with his shoulder with all of his strength. Being a Beater must've paid off as he'd managed to open the door this way the first time.

They ran in the rain to Hogwarts where they'd already started serving dinner. Cold and hungry, Sirius and Gwen eagerly went into the Great Hall and sat, soaking wet, next to Remus and Peter. "And how was your day?" Remus asked Gwen.

"Oh, I gave Sirius' broomstick a good ride." Gwen said, nonchalantly as she added fruit to her plate.

Remus smirked as he saw Sirius snort into his goblet, pumpkin juice spilling out of the corners of his mouth. "Sounds like fun."

"It was." She said, smiling innocently.

"Gwen," Sirius started, as it had become their mealtime routine for him to fruitlessly ask for food began, "could you pass me the chicken?"

And instead of answering her usual 'It's right there, Black.' She surprised him with, "Oh, are you a breast or a leg man?"

Sirius made an odd hacking noise, and Peter patted him on the back quickly. "What?"

"Oh, I just wanted to know, I didn't want to bring the plate over there just yet, Remus and I haven't chosen. So, breast or leg?" She asked Sirius in a face so passive that Gideon and Fabian would have cried from joy at how well they'd taught their baby sister.

"Breast." He said a little too quickly. "And leg. I like both. I like both parts. Of chicken. I'd like both." He continued.

Aside from, perhaps, the way Gwen was eating whole strawberries dipped in the white chocolate fondue that was presented for dessert, dinner was free of double-entendres, much to Sirius' relief. Though, the evening spent in the Common Room only seemed to make things worse for the sexually deprived and frustrated Gryffindor. The first thing to distract him was that Gwen was in her pyjamas already, her pyjamas being a blue silk night dress. He vainly tried not to notice how it hugged her chest, or to think about how soft the fabric was against the skin. She was reclining on the couch, a large knitted blanket covering her from the waist down, a pencil in hand instead of a quill, and she was writing on a piece of parchment.

"Had a good day, Gwen?" He asked, as he gently lifted her feet so he could sit in front of the fireplace with her.

"Yeah! I have, thanks Sirius." She grinned. She sat up slowly and leaned forward to give him a brief kiss on the cheek. "I'm actually writing a letter to Gideon and Fabian. They like to know what I'm up to. Makes them feel important."

"Oh, yeah? What about?" Sirius asked, leaning back into the couch as he enjoyed the heat radiating from the fireplace.

"I'll read it to you." Gwen answered, her face hidden behind the parchment as she couldn't contain her mischievous grin and blushing cheeks. She looked at Remus who was sitting behind a nearby desk, and winked at him. He'd been watching the scene since Sirius came down the stairs.

Sirius laughed. "I love stories."

'You'll love this one.' She thought, smirking. " 'Gideon, Fabian, I had the most fabulous time straddling upon Sirius' broomstick this afternoon.' How is that?"

Sirius knew that the blood that would normally be rushing to his face in embarrassment was currently headed somewhere else that he'd rather it didn't go. Especially since he was in the Common Room, especially because there were first years in dangerous proximity, and_ most_ especially as Gwen's foot was so awkwardly close to his metaphorical wand. "Er, that's…'straddling'? " He tried desperately to think of his great Uncle Alphard's annoying habit of blowing his bogeys out of his nose and _not_ Gwen straddling his _broomstick_ of all things.

"You're right, what about 'mounting his broomstick'? Or 'riding his broomstick'?" She asked, taking the eraser. " 'Mounting and riding', there. I used both." She nodded approvingly at her statement and continued reading.

Remus craned his neck to look at the parchment, spellotaped to it was a crossword from the Daily Prophet. 'Genius.' He grinned as he sat back into his chair.

" 'Sirius has taught me all sorts of different positions. With his help, I found I favoured some positions more than others. I felt a lot more comfortable in some, some I had to stretch myself for I don't know why you never let me play Beater. Sirius said I was very good at it. Then I played Keeper for a bit, I'm a decent Keeper, but I let Sirius get his quaffle in, easily, just to be nice to him.'" She stopped, and looked up at Sirius, whose lips were pursed. She removed her feet from his lap and moved them onto the floor as she sat up.

"Sirius." She said, putting a hand on his knee. He stared into the fire so that he could avoid looking at her "What's your favourite position?"

"Missionary." He blurted, before realising what he'd said.

Gwen's eyes widened for a fleeting moment, before she spoke again. "That can't be right." Sirius stammered incomprehensibly, and got up very quickly, not facing Gwen or Remus.

"Sorry, I've got. I think I've-there's some business I need to attend to." Sirius stuttered.

"_Most tender_ business?" Remus suggested quietly, as Sirius made his way towards the stairs to the boys dormitories.

"Oh, Moony, _quite_ the opposite." He replied, clearing his throat, and trying desperately to think of as many unsex related things as possible, like his family's house-elf Kreacher, or Tom the barkeep at the Leaky Cauldron. Or Irma Griggs' yellow stained teeth. The bad breath that came from a hippogriff. Anything so that he wouldn't have to touch himself, as Remus was wont to say, 'most tenderly.'

He sighed once he got to the dormitory, lying down on his bed. It was only half nine. "I will sleep this down. Yes, yes I will." He said out loud.

"What are you sleeping down?" James' voice, chipper and exhilarated filled the room.

"Ah, nothing 'mate." Sirius replied. He sat up, crouching a bit as he sat at the edge of his bed. "How was the date with Lily? Good by the stupid look you've got on your face."

"It _was_." James sighed. And with his usual flair for the dramatic and over description, James began regaling Sirius with the story of his date

Gwen, meanwhile, was downstairs and had wrapped her blanket around her completely. "Oh that was absolutely classic, Gwen. I mean, I didn't know what you would do, but _that_, that was-" Remus laughed

"Classic Prewett." She finished. "'One must learn from the best, and make it better.' Gideon and Fabian would always say that. So I did. I, Gwendolyn Prewett, have become the queen of double entendres."

"Aren't double entendres unintended?" He asked curiously. "And seeing as everything you've said tonight _was _intended, I think your title should be 'Queen of the Innuendo'. Well done, above and beyond."

"I am a Prewett after all." She laughed, the two were so busy, they didn't notice that Lily was sitting in the armchair between Remus' desk, and the couch Gwen was occupying. "Oh, Lily!" She finally saw the auburn haired girl in front of her. "Well, how was it?"

"We've only just gotten back." She said breathlessly, her hair _was_ still plastered to her head, her clothes, damp, but her eyes were absolutely glowing with excitement.

"And?"

"It...he was...he was so cute." Lily sighed as she finally decided on the word. "He was nervous, I mean, he wouldn't look me in the eye, and then he absolutely lost it when it started raining. He had this whole picnic planned out and everything."

Gwen was beaming at Remus and said "So, Lily, this begs the question. Will you date him again?" Gwen was grinning slyly at Remus.

A bashful grin spread across Lily's face, and she found herself interested in her sweater sleeves. She looked up at Gwen, "He did ask if I wanted do it again, to date." He started. "I said yes."

"And that's it." Gwen finished, tentatively. "Any...er-"

"He kissed me, and… I liked it." She breathed.

Gwen looked at Remus, though she still spoketo Lily. "So would you say you've_fallen_ for Mr. James Potter, then?"

"I don't know if I'd say that just yet, but...oh hell. I do. I have. God." Lily sighed, and she sounded absolutely horrified at herself. "I don't think he knows."

"So who do you want to tell him, Remus?" Gwen asked. There was an urgency in her voice, as even she had started to find Sirius' inability to snog a bit annoying. The times she wanted to kiss Sirius based solely on the way he was looking at her were innumerable this week alone. Gwen glared at Remus, who was in the middle of sneaking away to the boys dormitory.

"I'd look like a desperate git for saying that I'd fallen for him after a first date." Lily said with a small laugh.

"Oh I think you fell for him before this date, Lily." Gwen smiled as she occupied herself with her crossword again. "What do you say to discussing this upstairs, Dorcas and Cassandra are in the library tonight, we can talk about this a bit more openly."

Lily agreed and followed Gwen up to the sixth year girls' dormitory."What about you and Sirius?" Lily asked, changing the subject. "You two have the most ridiculously brash courting displays I've ever seen."

"Courting displays, you make us sound like animals. And don't answer that, Lily." Gwen lay down onto her bed, letting out an enormous sigh. "Just because Sirius is used to girls who are fast and loose, doesn't mean I'm going to be. And I think I take a deep, twisted pleasure at seeing him squirm."

Lily, who was seated at the foot of Gwen's bed, looked up to see that though she said it with a mild disdain in her voice, Gwen was smiling to herself as she toyed with the fabric of her blanket. "Even given his past history, you managed to, er, see his good parts?"

"Oh Lily, you don't know the half of how badly I want to see his good parts." Gwen sighed. Her eyes widened. "Merlin, I'm just as sexually deprived as he is."

"Sirius Black, sexually deprived?" Lily laughed. "Hardly."

"The last few months he has been." Gwen replied. "And honestly, if it hadn't been for Remus' little challenge, I don't think I would've...I don't think I'd've fancied him. Ever."

"Remus' challenge?" Lily spoke these two words very slowly, and Gwen was thinking quickly, as she had swam into dangerous territory.

With great ease she replied, "Oh yeah, Remus has given Sirius an indefinite term of celibacy. There are exceptions, like, Sirius can give me kisses on the cheek, but no lip to lip contact, hugging, but that awkward kind where you stick your bums out. Frisking, snogging and shagging are out of the question."

"Sounds like you're taking this as horribly as he is." Lily laughed. "When does the challenge end?"

"Oh the terms are completely up to Remus." Gwen lied. "It's a shame too, because Sirius seems like he'd be a fabulous snog, and he has the most amazing shoulders. And his eyes, they look like they change colour, like today they were perfectly grey, but the other time we went to Hogsmeade and he was wearing that blue shirt of his, his eyes looked blue."

"You're daft, Prewett." Lily laughed. "But do go on, I daresay, not many of the girls he's been with actually _know_ him the way you do."

"He said he prefers eskimo kisses over proper snogging. It's good he says that because...because I've never snogged...oh it would be horrible if the best I could give him was a nose-to-nose." Gwen sighed.

"Oh, I'm sure Sirius would be more than pleased to teach you the ways of snogging." Lily laughed. "Do you suppose James would be go- never mind."

Gwen sat up, far too quickly as she immediately felt a titch dizzy. "You. You just asked if James Potter was a good snog."

"I did. What of it?" Lily grinned slyly.

"I don't think he's snogged anyone either." Gwen said, thoughtfully. "As he's only had eyes for you. For the last seven years. I'd give him a bit of credit, my brothers sent me about five owls, _each_, when they'd first kissed a girl properly. And then they sent owls saying when they'd shagged a girl. Molly was livid that such vile content dare reach my innocent eyes."

Lily was laughing hysterically, and Gwen joined in as well. "Look at us. We've fallen for the biggest gits in this school."

"Do you think they planned on both fancying gingers?" Gwen grinned, as she twirled a strand of her wavy, bright red hair around her finger.

"Well if it's as you say it is with James, I'm sure he planned that. I think for Sirius, though, you were a pleasant surprise." Lily said with sincerity. "I don't think he'd ever been with a ginger, at least here at Hogwarts."

"That fanclub is an awful bunch." Gwen commented. "Good thing I've got mates like Dorcas and Cassandra. They sent a group of Ravenclaws to the Hospital Wing one weekend."

"That was them?" Lily asked, mildly shocked, but mostly impressed.

"One of them called me a slag. The other a tart. And any combination or synonym of the two." Gwen sighed. "Funny thing is I never hear them say it to my face."

"They're just...just jealous." Lily said encouragingly. "He looks at you differently too."

"Does he?" Gwen asked, a smile on her face.

"At dinners, when you're in the library." Lily answered. "And he especially looks at you when you see him in the hallways, and do that thing where you pull on his tie and sort of string him along."

"He likes that, then? I just do it for a bit of a laugh between classes." Gwen said, laughing to herself. Hang on, how do you know all this?"

Lily paused as she thought to phrase her statement. "I sort of, er, kept an eye on your 'relationship'? Could you call it that? Anyway. I mean, we all know what kind of bloke Sirius is, and you're just a nice girl, and I guess it was the red hair or something and it really wasn't my place, but I thought I should make sure that he wasn't after a frisk in the broom shed or something." She said this all very quickly.

Gwen didn't respond and so Lily continued. "I'm pretty sure he fancies you, Gwen, maybe even fallen for you."

"You know what's funny, Lily." Gwen thought out loud. "If you told me that at start of term, I would've asked you if you'd been Confunded."


	13. The Bewitched

**Again, the only character I own is Gwen, the others belong to JKRowling.  
Secondly, thanks for all of the reviews! Much much much appreciated.**

**Alas, The Wersh is in its final stages...I've held off writing the end because, well, it's the end. But fear not, there is another chapter left before I post the final chapter... **

* * *

The Bewitched 

James always managed to put Sirius into a right stupor whenever he brought up Lily. When he looked over at his friend after five minutes of telling him about their date, and sure enough, Sirius was curled up onto his bed, mouth agape, and a spot of drool coming out of his mouth, even.

Remus came in looking flustered. "Girls seem to like their talking." Remus said loudly, now noticing the sleeping Sirius. "You were talking about Lily again, I take it?"

"I was." James grinned. "I only do it because it bothers him."

Sirius sat up. "You are a wanker, Prongs." He said. "Honestly, I wasn't even pretending to sleep this time."

"You pretend to sleep when I talk about Lily?"

Remus spoke quickly, "Now, now, let's not fight when your two ladies are downstairs chatting about you."

Sirius sprang out of bed, grabbing James' Invisibility Cloak. "Too slow, Prongs." And with a dash he was out of sight. Within seconds however, he was back and tossed the Cloak onto James' bed. "They'd already gone upstairs. Whose stupid idea was it to make it impossible for the blokes to get up there anyway?"

"Godric Gryffindor." Remus answered simply.

"You, Moony, should not be allowed to speak to me." Sirius sniffed, and he wore the haughty expression so common in the Black family. He sat down on his bed and let out a dramatic sigh. Really, as long as he didn't think about Gwen, if they weren't in the same room, his thoughts were clear. He didn't have the overwhelming need to snog anyone, or shag for that matter.

"Oh really, and why's that?" James asked as he searched for his old England Quidditch team shirt.

"James, you weren't there for any of this today. After today, I am quite sure I can withstand any sort of torture because today was torture of the _worst kind_." He replied, looking pointedly at Remus.

"What's this tosser going on about?" James asked pulling his shirt over his head and tossing his damp clothes into a corner. Peter entered the dormitory, nodding, and smiling at James.

"How was the date Ja-"

"-Hang on Peter. _You_ will also want to hear this." Sirius cut in, and without pause continued on his story. "First of all, Gwen is a decent flyer- no luck getting her as Keeper though, as she couldn't stop any of my shots. And you know I'm a horrible Chaser. We're stuck with Jones." He headed off the question he knew James would ask.

"Damn." He heard James mutter.

"She kept saying these...these...evil, horrible, ludicrous, innuendos." Sirius groaned. "I mean…she told me, completely straight faced, that my _broom_ was girthy...powerful, all sorts of things that made me want to...made me want to...Merlin help me, and she looked so good in the rain, and she _had _to say she hadn't been that wet since October."

The other three looked at each other alarmed as Sirius continued to rant, sounding more and more hysterical. There were mutterings of broomsticks, knobs, and breasts and legs, though none of them were listening, just nodding. "Moony, don't you see? When we were in the broomshed-"

"-you two were in a broomshed?" Peter asked incredulously. He looked at Remus. "Moony, aren't you going...you're not supposed to be in broomsheds."

"When we were in the broom shed I wanted nothing better to do than to shag her senseless, and it would have been good, no...amazing. God, it would have-" He stopped himself. "But I didn't. Because, because, she's Gwen. She's _Gwen._" He breathed.

James was about to speak, but Remus stopped him with a shake of his head. "And she's...she deserves better than to be 'the girl from the broom shed'. She's the proper pureblood girl that you take home to _mother_. Though my mum would still hate her. Berk."

"Will you please make your point?" James asked, sighing.

"I'm saying, Prongs, that despite my opportunities to shag her on the Quidditch pitch, in the broom shed, or bloody hell, in this room before all of the innuendos began-"

"She wasn't ever up here was she?" Peter asked. "That wouldn't look good for the Head Boy, you know, letting his best mate shag in the dormitories."

"_If_ she was up here, sorry Wormy." Sirius clarified. "Anyway, doesn't this mean something, Moony? Doesn't this mean that we can end this stupid challenge? I mean, I don't even want to shag her right away. I mean if she can make me absolutely 'weak in the knees' just looking at me…"

"She does that to you?" James grinned. "Lily's quite good at that with me." He mused.

"- just want to kiss her properly. Take her to Madam Puddifoot's so we can snog the afternoon away and make fun of you, and Alexa, and your stupid doilies. Give her a good snog when it rains-" Sirius continued, paying no mind to James who was daydreaming himself.

"-Padfoot, I get it. I get it." Remus sighed. He expected, when this challenge began, that Sirius would have cracked by this point, or describe the physical attributes of every girl he'd _like_ to shag but can't because of the challenge, not going off about the little things about Gwen, like how she'd gently nudge him as she passed him as she left her Potions class.

"I think," Peter said anxiously, looking at his three friends, "that maybe you should let up on the terms, a bit, Remus. Seeing as James got Lily to date him-"

"-And I kissed her and she said we should go again." James suddenly remembered.

"-So...so it would only be fair to sort of break it down in increments...r-r-right?" He asked, thinking it over as he was speaking.

Sirius looked up at Peter like he could have kissed _him_. "Wormtail...I knew, I knew you had latent wisdom. Wise man. Wise you are. Moony, what do you say?"

Remus was massaging his temples. "I guess...I think...would it make sense to let you snog her now? I mean, you've gone this long. And the way Lily was talking about you, James, it sounds like you've hooked her, at least."

"Lily is not a fish to 'hook,' Moony." James sniffed.

"Yes, yes." Remus sighed. "I'm just wondering Sirius, if you've made it this long, what's another week or month?" Sirius let out an exasperated groan and got up. The pacing. He began pacing. Peter sent Remus a warning look that read plainly 'Now look what you've done, Remus.'

"Moony, I _can't_ bloody wait another week or month! I've contained myself for two months now! TWO bloody months after getting a shag daily for an entire year. It's like you've made James quit pranking or Snivellus start showering."

"That would benefit everyone, that last bit." James snorted, holding his glasses as he rubbed the part of his nose where they rested.

"I don't even think you've listened to a word I've said about Gwen. I'm so serious about her that I am going to tell her brothers that I bloody love her tomorrow when they visit." He fumed.

James dropped his glasses, Remus' mouth gaped, and Peter was stunned that his large watery eyes were unblinking. "Say...say that again?"

"I'm telling her brothers tomorrow that I don't bloody care what they think, because they need to let go of her some time. She's sixteen, not a bloody child." He muttered.

"That's not quite what you said." Remus answered quietly. Sirius' earlier pleas were much more pressing than he thought. 'Sirius Black in love.' He mused. Certainly not an outcome he expected, but a far better one than the one Remus assumed at the beginning of the challenge. He fully expected Sirius to bail out after the first week.

Sirius didn't know why they couldn't see it. Why they couldn't see how absolutely necessary it was for him to be able to _show _Gwen, how much he wanted to be with her.

"I can tell her all I want about how I want to kiss her, but she always waves it off because of, as she says, 'my history.'" Sirius said with mild disdain.

"Well, most girls with any sense do, Padfoot." James added. "Lily told me over dinner that she'd been keeping an eye on you. Said she didn't trust you around Gwen. But you've managed to impress her, I guess, because she didn't say a bad word against you, aside that you were previously a horrible git to women everywhere."

"_Previously_." Sirius emphasized. He could feel anger rising in him for no apparent reason. Maybe it was because Remus hadn't given him a definitive answer on whether he could even kiss Gwen, let alone lift the challenge. Or maybe Remus couldn't see that Lily Evans truly was smitten with James and was far too stubborn to admit it. "I'll see you sods later, I need to go for a walk."

His feet led him down to the Common Room, deserted except for a small group of harried fifth years hiding behind piles of textbooks. He looked around, as though expecting Gwen to be downstairs. It was an exercise in futility, as it was just him and the fifth years. He sighed, and headed back to the stairs up to the dormitory, not wanting to have to explain why he stormed off in the first place.

"Sirius." He felt himself lighten considerably. He turned around to see Gwen, smiling brightly at him, her face faltered slightly, as she saw him straining to smile back. "Are you all right?" She took his hand, squeezing it encouragingly, trying to coax him into talking.

She was still in that silken blue nightgown, though now she was wearing plaid pyjama pants along with it. He let out a sigh as he moved closer, not so much throwing caution to the wind as rolling it gently along the floor. He pressed his forehead gently against hers, his free hand running along the shoulder strap of her nightgown. "Gwen." He breathed, his voice lingering on her name. He would be lying if he said he didn't notice the way her chest was rising and falling as they stood there. He did. There was nothing in Remus' bloody rules that said he couldn't look.

She lifted her head, and looked at him and for the first time in the two months of their interesting relationship, she gave him a hug, a proper hug. Not like those rubbish ones he'd gotten because Moony was in the room. It was a hug of concern, Sirius decided, based on the serious look she had on her face. She felt _right_, he thought, as she continued to hug him. "Talk. To. Me." She said, speaking into his shoulder. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know." He mumbled, not letting her out of the hug just yet, and she didn't seem to want to leave either. "Gwen, you don't...you don't know how much I _need_ you." He breathed these words carelessly into her hair, not realising that he'd said them out loud. He felt her stiffen and pull away.

"What?" She let her hands drop, though she stopped to pick his up again. He leaned forwards, tilting his head, when Gwen put two fingers up to his lips. "Sirius, you're not allowed."

Sirius laughed, and Gwen relaxed a bit to hear that it was a genuine one. She couldn't help but feel the slightest bit guilty for tempting him, practically holding the prize in front of him, inches out of reach, with each word. "Bugger the rules, eh? What do you say? You never liked rules, anyway!"

Gwen gave him a kind smile, and kissed him on the cheek. "You're having a moment of weakness, Sirius."

This was not the answer he expected, and his brow furrowed slightly. Gwen noticed the tightening of his jaw and continued. "Lily will come 'round...she will."

"And you know that, how?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. "Is this what girls talk about when we're not around?"

Gwen nodded, still smiling at him. "She's already fallen for him, but she's too proud to admit it. I mean, she did hate him for a long time…"

"Wait...wait...she said that. To you." Sirius was beaming. Ideas raced into his head, particularly pleasant was the one of him finally giving Gwen a proper kiss. Armed with this new knowledge, he looked at her, eyes alight with excitement. "Gwen. I need you to come upstairs to the dormitory."

"Sirius, really we haven't even snogged yet." She smiled at her weak attempt at a joke as she felt herself being pulled up there anyway. "Sirius...why are you bringing me here?"

"I need you to _tell_ him." Sirius said, but she stopped him halfway up the steps. "Please."

"Sirius...come back down to the Common Room." She said turning away and walking back down the stairs. She heard him sigh as she walked down, and the sound of feet, reluctant to follow.

He could have whined. Complained. Sighed dramatically, but that was only for when Gwen was feeling like a laugh. Now was not one of those times, he thought, as he followed her back to the sofa in front of the fireplace. The fifth years had gone. She was reclined against the sofa, and Sirius took it as an opportunity. He managed, somehow, to fit himself comfortably against her, his head resting on her shoulder, and her hands casually on his chest.

"This is nice." He heard her muse. "We should do this more."

"Why did you bring me back down?" His voice, she decided, was extremely reverberant. She sank back further into the couch, and relaxed, her forefinger tracing light circles absentmindedly on his chest.

"Sirius, put yourself in James' position." She stated, simply.

"Then I wouldn't be on top of you." He said, receiving a gentle pat on the cheek. "Sorry, right, James' position...continue continue."

"If some other bird comes and tells you that this girl you've fancied for_ ever_ has fallen for you, how'd you feel? Knowing that you knew before your girl told you herself?"

Why did she have to be right? Sirius' lips tensed as he struggled to come up with something annoyingly clever, but nothing came. "Erm...well have _you_ fallen for me?"

"We're talking about James and Lily, Sirius, not us."

"Yet."

She grinned at the thought of him finishing her statement. "We'd be cheating them of a very important moment, Sirius. So, think of that, alright? You just keep your trouser snake firmly caged for a few more days."

"I refuse to accept that you've called it a trouser snake. Because I hate snakes." Sirius commented.

"Fine." Gwen snorted, thinking quickly. "Tame the Beast Within, then. There, is that a better term for it?"

"The Beast." Sirius smirked, as Gwen continued.

"I'll talk to Lily. For the both of us."

He turned over and rested his head on her stomach. "You, Gwen, are amazingly comfortable."

"Er…" She said, struggling a bit. "You're a bit...heavy."

Sirius got up faster than you could say 'Transfiguration' and somehow, very quickly, managed to get her to lie down again. "This is much better. I can _breaaaathe_." Gwen said dramatically as she found a comfortable position, the top of her head barely grazing Sirius' jaw, an arm across his chest.

"You smell good." He laughed.

"Observant, Black." She smiled. "So, this looks like the best we'll do until those two come clean." Sirius made a noise of agreement, his hand running along her arm.

"Well you could always regale me with innuendo and double entendres." Sirius mused. "You're really quite good at that, you know."

"At what?" She asked, smiling at him as she lifted her head. "Everything I told you today was to be taken at face value, Sirius, why, what _did _ I say?"

"Various things about knobs and broomsticks. This and that." He answered nonchalantly. "I hope you didn't write that my favorite position was 'missionary.' As I'm sure Gideon will kill me. And enjoy it. Did you already send it?"

"What?"

"The letter. The letter you were writing to Gideon and Fabian." Sirius continued. Gwen looked up at him grinning cheekily. "Oh you...you_weren't_...you didn't even write anything did you? You _foul_ tease. Minx. Tease….you GINGER TEMPTRESS."

"Hush up, you'll wake the firsties." She laughed. "And I told you before, Sirius, I like to have a bit of fun."

"Taking pleasure in my discomfort...never took you for that type, Prewett." He joked.

"Only yours." She laughed.

Sirius turned his head to watch the fireplace. It must have been late, and he felt every blink getting heavy. Gwen mumbled something before nestling back into her position.

James, Remus and Peter, with Sirius' abrupt departure, figured he would come back soon and apologise, as he did in past dramatic storm-offs. When Sirius did not come back past eleven, near two hours after he left, James grabbed the Cloak that Padfoot so unceremoniously tossed onto his bed.

"Think you'll need it?" Remus asked.

"Where do you think he's gone to?" Peter asked, while Remus muttered the correct phrasing of the question under his breath as they took the stairs down to the Common Room.

James paused at the bottom of the stairs when he saw the figures on the sofa. "Moony, Wormtail...come see this." James peered over the sofa. "Look."

Remus and Peter looked over to see what James seemed to be gawking at. "Well...that's…" Peter couldn't quite place what he wanted to say as he gazed at Sirius and Gwen. "Looks happy, doesn't he? Good for Padfoot."

Remus nodded in agreement. "They both look quite...calm and pleasant, don't they?"

"Deceptively so." James said, with a half smile. "Well, I've got midnight rounds with Lily."

Just as the boys went up the stairs, Lily was fumbling with her robes as she was trying to clasp them _while_ making sure she got onto each step. "James? Good you're early, we can be done with this as fast as possible. I absolutely _loathe _midnight rounds."

"As you remind me every week." He grinned. He saw as Lily's green eyes flickered over to the fireplace, and did a double take.

"Is that…" Lily asked, and James nodded. "With…"

"Yes." James replied.

"Well, that's interesting. I don't think Sirius has been with a girl this long and still stay clothed. Ever." Lily snickered as they tried their best to exit the Common Room as quietly as possible.

"They looked quite comfortable." Lily sighed as they made their way on their memorised path.

"You know, Lily," James started, as he'd been miles away from any thought of Sirius with Gwen. "We could probably say thanks to that pervy old man at the bar for this."

"What 'this'?" Lily asked tenuously, not wanting to look at him.

"Us. I mean, we are an 'us' right? Not, James Potter, Head Boy, Lily Evans, Head Girl, but like...James and Lily. Right?" James asked.

"Potter, I think you're asking if we're a couple? Is that what you're trying to spit out?" Lily asked after a tense moment of silence as they rounded a corner.

"Er..yes. I guess." He stumbled over his words. "I guess its probably just wishful thinking-"

"We'll have to see then won't we?" She started. "Maybe it won't rain on our next date."

While Lily scanned the halls, James did so half-heartedly, instead thinking of their next date, and the next, and so on. He'd never tell any of the Marauders, but he'd already imagined them married. He didn't tell them, he thought, because they would respond as such:

"How can you be so sure?" A concerned Peter would ask.

"I think we might be a bit too young to know if you've found 'the one.'" Would be Remus' response.

"Commitment is for ponces." A Sirius pre-challenge would have responded, though, James wondered what he would say now, with the way he fawned over Gwen.

"Potter." This voice was very real, and it did not belong to any of his friends. He snapped out of his reverie. He looked at Lily who had an icy look in her eyes. He looked to see what caught her attention.

"Snape." He countered, before clenching his jaw. He watched as Snape's dark eyes flicker back and forth from him and Lily, and James' hand instinctively went to his wand, though he didn't dare use it.

"Go back to the dungeons, Snape." Lily's even voice cut through the tension, though she still wore the same stony expression on her face. "Come on, James."

James could see the slightest corner of Snape's lips twitch at her calling him by his first name. He was secretly thankful that Lily spoke when she did, as he wouldn't have liked nothing better than to curse Snivellus on the spot, bugger being Head Boy. This encounter changed the all over mood of their rounds. The Slytherin turned on his heel and walked, with a billow of his robes, in the opposite direction.

"He does that, all the time." Lily mumbled, keeping her eyes firmly focused on the ground. "He knows when I do my rounds."

James could not suppress this urge and spoke "Git."

Lily shook her head. "He...he's changed. He's not the Severus that I used to know, anymore."

And as much as James did not want her to talk about Severus, he heard Sirius' voice in his head: a conversation the two had a few days prior. He'd only half-listened to the conversation, but he remembered this: 'Mate, if the girl wants to talk, let her talk. You'll just look like a right arse if you don't.'

So he let Lily finish speaking. Well, by this point, she was actually ranting. This gave James time to think of something, as Peter would say, something poignant. "Lily...I'd like you to let me finish what I have to say before you say anything and interrupt me, okay?"

Lily looked at him curiously, but nodded anyway.

"Why bother with him, Lily?" And he saw she was about to interrupt, and James put a gentle hand on her arm. "Hey, you said you'd let me finish." She pursed her lips as a silent protest. "I mean, I know you used to tell him things, and you were friends. But, if he didn't change when you last spoke, what's the use of staying angry?"

Lily found herself agreeing with every word James had to say, and cast a glance at him. She saw that same look of concern on his face from the day he'd 'rescued her' at the bar. The two of them paused in the hallway. Lily studied him, really studied his features, and finally she found the right words. "What...what you just said..._some_ people change. You've changed." She immediately turned away from him and they began walking again.

As they walked, James mumbled, staring at his feet, "It's because I care about you." He hoped that he'd said it quietly enough so that she wouldn't hear.

They were silent again until they returned back to Gryffindor Tower. Someone had come down and given Sirius and Gwen a blanket, James noted as they slowly made their way towards their respective staircases. "James." Lily's voice is quiet. He stops to look at her. "Thanks, for listening." _And caring_, she thinks.

James smiled at her, and nodded. Lily looked around, quickly, before taking a deep breath. She walked briskly over to James and gave him a kiss on the cheek so fast that he didn't even have time to process what happened. "Night, Lily."

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**profuse professions of love for Reviewer #100! **


	14. The Nude Shakespeare Theatre

**Enjoy this penultimate chapter of the fic, everyone! Be warned, there's a bit of not-so-cloaked-yet-still-very-cloaked innuendo. **

**Thank you all so very very much for reviewing. Much much love to Keisha.cl for being Reviewer #100!! Woo! Everybody, we broke 100!!!**

**Also, for the first time, I am updating with the most recent chapter I have on hand. My beta will be out of town for the weekend, AND I am recovering from quite possibly the worst week in midterm history, (three midterms in one week, anyone?). So I will be leaving you all on tenterhooks.**

**Again, all characters except Gwen, and I suppose Cassandra Dearborn (as it was Caradoc Dearborn who was mentioned in the novels), belong to JK Rowling. **

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Chapter Fourteen: The Nude Shakespeare Theatre 

Sirius woke up utterly confused. He was on the sofa in the Common Room, he looked out the window and it must have been near dawn as the sky was a mixture of colours, the sun barely peeking at the horizon. Gwen's shifting alerted him to another more pressing matter. 'Oh...oh god, of all the mornings, now is _not_ the time for this.' He panicked. He couldn't very well take care of it with _her_ right there.

She stirred again, letting out a sigh, as she found a more comfortable position and settled. 'Deep breaths, and concentrating on other things, not how nice she smells or how she's drooling a bit on your shirt, or how her leg's really close to your-.' Sirius snapped his eyes shut. 'No...none of that.' She moved again. 'God why did she have to keep moving? It didn't make things any easier.'

Gwen lifted her head, and spoke groggily, "I'm going back up to my bed." She was squinting her eyes shut, as the first few rays of daylight were sneaking into the Common Room.

"Why's that?" Sirius asked, hoping that she didn't notice anything, and praying that her eyes would stay shut.

"You keep digging into my thigh." She mumbled as she stretched. "So, I'm going back up to my bed, take care of it?" She pulled the blanket off of Sirius' legs and wrapped it around herself, trudging slowly back up to her dormitory.

Sirius watched her as she walked, her hair disheveled, absolutely oblivious to anything she just said. Shaking his head, he decided to get a few more decent hours of shut eye before a Sunday that would be decidedly filled with studying at the library, but not before he took what seemed to be one of many many cold showers in his future.

Several hours later, the boys in the seventh year dormitory were waking up. "Oy Padfoot, when'd you get up here?" Peter asked as he pulled a sweater over his head.

"Few hours ago, 'round sunrise." Sirius answered. Then he suddenly remembered why they'd gotten up in the first place. "The, er, sofa got uncomfortable."

"No morning wank?" James asked, laughing, as he found some trousers.

Remus replied before Sirius could. "Prongs, the fact that you wonder about Pads morning activities-"

"Or nightly ones." Peter added.

"Yes, the fact that you wonder about both is highly disturbing." Remus laughed.

"Thank you." Sirius grinned, as he searched fruitlessly for a pair of socks. "Has anyone seen my socks?"

After dressing, the four Marauders made their way out of the dormitory together, Gwen came down from the stairs at the same time. Sirius who was in the middle of their little pack, felt himself getting nudged aside, when he felt her hand take his. "Morning!" She greeted brightly, before kissing his cheek.

"Morning." He grinned, though he felt himself blushing. He saw James cast a glance at him, and Sirius nodded for them to go without him. "Listen, Gwen, about earlier-"

"I thought you'd ask." She answered quietly, a mischievous grin on her face. "You're a boy. It's natural. It was...awkward for about an hour."

"An hour?" Sirius asked incredulously as they took a slow walk to the Great Hall. "You...an hour?"

"You were dead asleep, Sirius. If I woke you, you'd think something of it, wouldn't you?" Gwen asked. "And don't even dare think-"

"Oh but how would I know you didn't have anything to do with it, Gwen?" Sirius asked, smirking at her. "Did you?" Gwen nudged him gently, laughing as they continued to navigate their way to the Great Hall.

"Did she have anything to do with what?"

Gideon 'Stealth Master' Prewett was back, as was Fabian the Formerly Moustached. Suddenly Sirius was feeling as though every single move of his was being watched, and as he let go, he felt Gwen grip his hand again. "Nice of you two gits to drop in, today." Gwen grinned at her brother. "Are you just arriving, or are you leaving?"

"Ah you don't want to see your favorite siblings?" Fabian asked, furrowing his brow. Sirius looked absolutely terrified, and Fabian wasn't even looking at him.

Gideon looked at Sirius, and then at Fabian. "No, looks like she'd rather be with someone she can see every day."

"Why are you two so bloody...starved...for...attention?" She asked, hitting Gideon first, and then Fabian. "Honestly!"

"You sound like Molly." Gideon laughed, and Gwen pursed her lips. "You look like her too, when you do that." And she hit him again.

"She duels like Molly, so beware her ineffectual fists, Gid." Fabian warned. "You too, Sirius. Don't get on her bad side."

Sirius looked faintly surprised that Fabian was offering him advice. "Er, yeah I won't."

"Oy, Gideon, I can trust you can manage to keep yourself alive with Gwen, right? I should give a few more _helpful_ pointers to this young lad." Fabian said, rolling his eyes at Gideon. Gwen looked at Sirius who was pale with worry, as Fabian held him back. "Don't worry, he'll be back."

"So, are you going to do the same thing Gideon did? Make me nearly wet myself with worry? Relive horrible moments of childhood incontinence?" Sirius asked, without the foggiest idea of what he was saying.

"Actually, just giving you some information that only her dearest brothers would know." Fabian replied to Sirius' shocked response. "For example, she detests cats. They make her sneeze, and she doesn't like the way they purr. Some traumatic experience with the family cat as a child, rest in peace Gremlin." He said dramatically turning his eyes upward.

"Right, no cats. I think she's mentioned that." Sirius nodded. "And?"

"She's very fond of her nephews, so if you ever make it to meeting Molly and Arthur, be prepared for her to completely ignore you, as she does with Gideon and me. Honestly, it's like she'd never seen children before." Fabian grinned.

"She prefers apples over oranges, and she takes her tea with-"

"Two sugars and milk, but not a lot. I know." Sirius finished. "She likes raspberry jam, not strawberry, hates the seeds. She doesn't like green peppers, but she likes the red ones. And she furrows her brows and purses her lips if she's annoyed with something."

"That she does." Fabian looked mildly impressed. "Maybe you should keep talking so that I'll tell you if you've forgotten something?"

Sirius didn't hear him as he continued. "And she doesn't like stubbly chins, and her biggest irrational fear is getting a paper cut under her fingernails."

"Sirius...you can stop now." Fabian laughed.

"Oh...right. Sorry, I just...you said 'tea' and I guess all of this stuff came with it." Sirius said, smiling nervously, hoping he hadn't actually frightened Fabian with how much knew.

"Well, you should know this last bit, at least, she still keeps her stuffed bear Reginald with her, she'll kill me for telling you that so I'd appreciate it if-"

"Won't say a word." Sirius interrupted, grinning. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Gwen sounds like she fancies you a lot, from the letters she writes." Fabian continued, sighing, which caused Sirius to wonder what letters Gwen _has_ sent them. "And well, I won't lie, the Prewetts were gifted with amazing good looks. Guess Gideon and I were just afraid she'd end up with a tosser, we were such tossers to girls ourselves…"

Meawhile, Gwen and Gideon were having a little conversation of their own. "What is that all about?" She asked Gideon who continued to walk with her to the Great Hall.

"Oh probably to tell him the same thing I told him when we were here last. Except, you know, better." Gideon grinned.

"That's his talent, you know." Gwen sighed, and things between her and her brother were silent for a while. "I know you're my big brothers, and I really really do love that you're very protective, but-"

"We know, Molly already told us." Gideon said, sheepishly. "Said you were being smothered, that you'd be seventeen soon, you know, the usual Molly."

"She read the letters I sent her to you, didn't she?" Gwen asked, as they finally reached the bottom of the stairs. Gideon nodded. "Good."

"Is he good to you?" Gideon asked after a long pause. "Sirius, does he treat you properly?"

"He does." Gwen said, smiling faintly. She looked up at her brother. "Gid...don't scare this one away." Gideon was about to say something when Fabian and Sirius caught up with them, both laughing.

"You wouldn't believe some of the things he's done with his friends, Gid. He managed to get out of a detention from McGonagall, third year. THIRD YEAR, Gid. I took us _ages!_" Fabian grinned.

"You've just got to be very very apologetic. Or at least...act." Sirius was grinning broadly. "Speaking of which, we still haven't come up with our seventh year prank."

"Well, seeing as you've taken him from me, I'll see you later in the library, Sirius?" Gwen asked, hopefully. Sirius nodded, and turned his attention back to The Brothers Prewett. She sighed as she headed towards the Great Hall, when she accidentally bumped into Lily Evans.

"Oh, Gwen, it's just you." She replied, flustered. She stopped. "So, you two were asleep on the couch last night?"

Gwen smiled at this. "Say that a bit louder, will you?" She smirked. "Looks like my brothers have warmed up to Sirius...and I don't know that I like it."

"Oh it can't be that bad." Lily said as the found a spot to sit next to Dorcas and Cassandra. "I mean, it's probably quite good that they actually like him, I mean, I hear most blokes are frightened of them."

"Gideon and Fabian?" Dorcas chimed, brightly. "Are they here?!"

"They're on business, Dorcas." Gwen said, though not with her usual annoyance. "Anyway, oh here he comes." She said, watching as Sirius came into the Great Hall, wearing an expression of excitement that Gwen knew quite well. It was not so different from a look her brothers wore. Her brothers. They waved at her obnoxiously as they strode into the Great Hall, garnering gasps and whispers from the entire hall.

"Well it's about right isn't it?" Lily said suddenly.

"What is?" Cassandra asked.

"They haven't done a prank in ages." Lily continued. "I thought it was because James was Head Boy."

"Well he's been otherwise preoccupied, hasn't he?" Gwen asked, purposely looking at Lily, whose cheeks flushed.

"I'd say Sirius was just as preoccupied, and seeing as they're the ringleaders." Lily countered.

"Though, seeing the look on his face, looks like Gideon and Fabian are probably pushing them back to their old ways." Gwen sniffed.

"You don't think that, do you?" Lily asked. "I mean, them starting to prank won't mean that...you know, James will go back to being a stupid toerag, and Sirius-"

"-if he does, he won't know what hit him." Gwen interrupted. "That, and I'll kill my brothers. Who'll probably have gotten to Sirius first, anyway."

"Please...please don't." Dorcas begged, and Gwen nearly jumped. She'd been so concentrated on the conversation with Lily, all the while watching Sirius whisper excitedly to the other Marauders, she had forgotten Cassandra and Dorcas were there.

"The world would be a far less attractive place." Cassandra mused. "Though, I'm sure you two would get on fine."

"Is Sirius a good snog?" Dorcas asked, interestedly. "You two must do tons of snogging when you're _at the library_."

"Actually we do a lot of studying when we're at the library." Gwen corrected, as she helped herself to some toast.

"Right, of course you do." Cassandra smirked. "Though...you do have the best Arithmancy marks in our year."

"Yes, because I study for that class all the time." She sighed, looking for a jar of jam, and she sighed. "Oh where's the bloody jam?"

"Hard to find when Sirius isn't there to ask you for it, isn't it?" Cassandra noted. Gwen just shot her a look before helping herself to some jam that Lily found in front of the fifth year sitting next to her.

Gideon and Fabian, finished with their breakfast meeting with Dumbledore, caught sight of their sister walking with another red-head out of the Great Hall. Sirius brushed past them quickly putting himself in between the two, and quickly putting his arm around Gwen, tucking her hair behind her ears with ease.

"Well he puts you to shame, Fabian." Gideon smirked. "Quite a suave, this one."

"He's a good man, though. For Gwen." Fabian said, as he watched Gwen give Sirius a look that simply read adoration. "He knew she took her tea with two sugars and that ridiculously small amount of milk that we never get right."

"Did he? Anything else interesting?" Gideon asked, pushing the heavy doors of the Hogwarts main entrance open.

"That she liked raspberry over strawberry jam." Fabian answered.

"She does?" Gideon asked, surprised.

"You are a horrible brother." Fabian snorted. "She's always liked raspberry over strawberry, you tit."

"Reckon he _is_ a good one." Gideon decided as they reached the exit from Hogwarts' grounds.

"I do too." Fabian agreed. "And besides, if he doesn't know already, she'll hex him into oblivion before we get a chance." With one last glance at the school, the Prewett brothers felt more at ease with leaving their baby sister in the company of Mr. Sirius Black.

As usual, on their Sundays, Sirius and Gwen met in the library. They sat next to each other, Sirius leaning casually over Gwen's shoulder, writing all over what appeared to be an attempt at her Arithmancy essay. "You, Gwen, have lovely shoulders. They're very soft and perfectly chin rest-able."

"Chin rest-able?" She asked, grinning. As she breathed, she took a whiff of his hair. "You smell like apples. Why do you smell like apples, Sirius?"

"I know for a fact that you like them." Sirius replied, sitting up and shaking his hair out of his eyes.

Gwen found herself unable to resist the cocky glance he was giving her, and abandoning all pretenses and the limits of the challenge, she grabbed his arm, forcing him to stand up, and lead him out of the library. "Gwen, where are we going?"

"Just shut up, Sirius and help me find an empty classroom." Gwen replied, still pulling a confused and wide-eyed Sirius along the hallway. "Bugger the challenge, bugger the rules."

"Now look who's having a moment of weakness." Sirius grinned as she opened the door to what appeared to be a dank janitor's closet. "I like the ambiance in this one."

"Sirius, if you want a snog, you're going to have to keep your mouth shut." Gwen muttered, closing the door and continuing down the hall.

"That's really not how snogging works." Sirius laughed, as she let go of his hand to look through more doors. He, however, was secretly enjoying how determined she was in finding a classroom. "This one looks free." She walked over to him, and they stumbled in excitedly.

The next thing they saw could possibly the most horrifying and memorable moment of Sirius' tenure at Hogwarts. Gwen froze, but Sirius, in his shock, grabbed her by the waist in a desperate attempt to stay unnoticed. Aside from the door slam, Sirius decided that they'd done a fine job of not having to explain themselves to Peter later.

"Was that…" Gwen muttered, unblinking as they stood shell shocked in the hallway.

"Peter...PETER...showing that girl he was 'tutoring'...he was showing her his ANCIENT RUNE." Sirius looked positively green. "And he was making that scrunched up face...not a good face."

"What makes a good face, then? For being in the throes, I'm pretty sure you just go with what you're dealt." Gwen shrugged.

"Gwen, I do _not_ look like that." Sirius replied. "That much I know."

"Well we'll have to wait, won't we?" Gwen sighed. "After seeing...no...well, good for Peter." She said, finally, nodding her head. "Everyone needs a little...er, action."

"Merlin!" Sirius said incredulously, as they slowly composed themselves and walked back to the library. "You know what this means?"

"What?" She asked in a hushed voice as they searched for their table, Sirius' hand leading her back to their seats.

"Peter Pettigrew is getting more action than me, the most extraordinary and sexy Sirius Black." He snorted. "Hell, I owe him five Galleons...never thought he'd win _this_ bet."

Gwen let out a sigh as she went back to her Arithmancy essay. Sirius picked up his quill, and put it down again. "Bloody ridiculous, Remus." He heard her mutter. He nudged her arm gently and she looked up at him. "Heard that, did you?"

"Yeah, and I can't help but agree." Sirius replied, and put a sympathetic arm around her. "When this is over, we can both hex him."

"How romantic." Gwen snorted.

Later that night, James came bounding into the dormitory carrying two very large bottles of Firewhiskey. "Break out the shot glasses and get ready, we're playing 'Sickles'." Sirius whooped enthusiastically and dove under his bed to find where his shot glass had gone to.

"James, it's Monday tomorrow." Peter answered. "Not to be, you know, a joy killer, but what would McGonagall think if we showed up to her class knackered beyond reason?"

"Well, she loves me, and that means, by proxy, she loves you lot." James grinned as he cleared the common table in their dormitory. He set the glasses down.

Remus looked at his friends, "Ah, what's a few rounds of 'Sickles' ever done to us?"

"A few rounds? Moony, we've got two bottles of Firewhiskey." Sirius laughed. He looked at James who was grinning eagerly as he came over with his own shot glass and sickle.

"Too right, Padfoot, too right." James added. "Alright. You in, Wormtail? It won't be fun without you!"

"Only because last time you bewitched theSickle into getting in the shot glass every time, and it was 'pick on Peter' night or something..." Peter said, no longer able to hide his amusement. "I'm in."

"That's what _you_ said to a certain Hufflepuff, wasn't it, Wormtail?" Sirius asked, deviously. James and Remus stopped arguing over how to arrange the shot glasses. "What was her name? Megan?"

"Alexa's friend?!" Remus asked incredulously. "What...Padfoot, Wormtail...what is going on?"

"Gwen was trying to find an empty classroom today-"

"Gwen?" James commented. "Well done mate, I knew it wouldn't be long till she cracked."

"-And we stumble into one, and there's our friend, Peter Pettigrew, getting his Ancient Rune a bit of action from Megan." Sirius continued before a dramatic shudder. James coughed, and Remus just looked stunned.

"I was _not_ showing her my 'Ancient Rune,' Padfoot." Peter replied. "We were just doing a bit of snogging, that's all. And maybe she touched it through my trousers, that's all."

"What?" Remus asked, while he ignored James and Sirius making disgusted faces, even moreso, he ignored the sound of pride in Peter's voice. "How...when did-"

"Oh that reminds me, you know that bet we made, third year, how I said 'I will always get arse from the ladies and you won't?' Remember that, Wormtail?" Sirius asked, as he rummaged through his money.

"Er...yeah." Peter said, thinking hard. "Poorly worded bet, but what about it?" Sirius shoved five Galleons in his hands.

"You win that one." Sirius smirked. "Never thought I'd see the day that Wormtail gets more action than me. No offense."

"None taken, I'm five Galleons richer." Peter smirked.

"And Wormtail, a few things about Megan. First of all, watch out because she's a biter." Sirius said, as he took a seat at the table. "And secondly, do NOT mention the birthmark on her thigh or you WILL have a crying girl on your hands. She will _not_ shut up."

"Thanks?" Peter replied uncertainly.

Remus was still shaking his head in disbelief when Sirius interrupted his thoughts. "And before we get completely sloshed, Moony, can we get a definitive end to this bloody challenge? I feel like I'm going to burst. And yes, in that way as well, James, you dirty dirty Head Boy."

James snorted as he placed a fifth shot glass in the middle of the table. "An end?" Remus sighed. He thought for a moment a both boys' current situations before coming up with this. "When Lily Evans is the one to initiate a snog with James Potter, then Sirius, you and Gwen are free to find a classroom and you can both do as you wish with each other."

"Excellent, I'm going to need that in writing." Sirius grinned.

"Why's that?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius curiously.

"Because, when it comes to Sickles, James always picks me to drink. Damn you Potter and your aim so true!" Sirius replied. "I'll forget, Moony. Simple."

"Alright, men, got your Sickles?" James asked.

"Check, mate." Peter grinned. "Steady hands, Moony!"

"Oh sod off, Peter." Remus replied as they watched James spin a Sickle in the middle of the table.

"Alright boys, the warty nose of the witch points to the shooter." James grinned, as they all spread out around the table. The coin stopped spinning, the nose pointed at Remus.

Remus, out of spite perhaps, became the best shooter that evening, the first three Sickles landing neatly into the shot glass, and James was the unfortunate person forced to drink a full shot of Firewhiskey at each turn.

"Alright, seeing as you've made three shots in a row, you get to make a rule, eh Moony?" Sirius grinned, looking over at James already sitting down, with a bemused grin on his face.

"No mentioning of Lily Evans," Remus started, a wicked smile spreading across his face, "or else you've got to drink."

"Evans?" James asked stupidly.

"Pour him, oh, half a shot, Sirius." Remus suggested, and he and Peter laughed hysterically as James eagerly took the drink, most of it dribbling down the sides of his mouth.

"What a lightweight." Sirius laughed, shaking his head. "Come on, Moony, pick someone else, if you give Prongs any more to drink, he'll die."

Two hours into the game, James and Sirius managed to end up wearing nothing but their Gryffindor ties, James' was around his neck, strutting about the dormitory and doing impersonations of various students and teachers. Sirius' tie wore like a head band, the scarlet and gold striped tie looking more like a sweatband than a tie. "MOOONY!" Sirius called loudly, heading for the door.

Remus, slightly sloshed, was in his undershirt and boxers, as was Peter, both of whom had terrible aim when it came to Sickles. There was also the fact that neither of them were quite in the mood to be knackered on a Monday morning. "What, Sirius?"

"I'm gonna goooo tell Gwennnn how the challenge 's ending." Sirius slurred as he walked out of the dormitory.

"Haaaaaa." James laughed drunkenly in reply. "Think Lily will give him detention? 'M gonna go see."

"Oh, Merlin." Remus sighed, looking over at Peter, who was shaking his head. "Let's go make sure they're not going to die on their way down the stairs, Wormtail."

When they'd gone downstairs, they saw a large crowd gathering around the drunk and naked duo. Sirius and James on top of a desk atrociously quoting from Shakespeare.

"Come, come, you wasp, i'faith you are too angry!" James slurred.

"If I be waspish, best beware my _sting._" Sirius laughed at the innuendo, barely making it through the sentence. "Prongs, Prongs..just...get to the funny bit."

"Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail?"

"In his tongue." Sirius replied, smirking, his eyes glazed over.

"Whose tongue?" James continued, looking positively content with himself.

"Yours, if you talk of tales, and so farewell." Sirius said, haphazardly stepping off of the table, stumbling onto a couch that was quickly vacated by two fourth year boys.

"What, with my tongue in your tail?" James doubled over, collapsing onto the table, an awkward sight.

"Honestly, only _these_ gits could remember and murder Shakespeare completely sloshed." Remus muttered, as he was trying to devise a way to get them back into the dormitory.

"Quite well done, if you ask me." Peter grinned, only as a way to annoy Remus. Before they could get to Sirius, he sprang up from the couch when he caught sight of Gwen, who was burying her head in her hands.

"GWEN!" Sirius' voice boomed, an impish grin on his face. The Common Room went silent. "Gwen! Gwen Prewett, my Gwendolyn Prewett."

"Oh dear god…" Remus heard her say.

She looked up, trying very hard to avoid the fact that Sirius was very naked. Very, very naked. He gave her a very drunken, as in very slobbery, kiss on the cheek. "Oh Prewett, you're blushing!"

"Because you are embarrassing me." She muttered, her brown eyes firmly focused on his grey.

"No, you're looking at it, aren't you. You minx. You care to know the angle of my dangle." Sirius grinned stupidly.

"Oh good lord…" Gwen replied, putting a hand over her eyes as she got up, hoping that Sirius' reflexes and ability to walk were impaired by the drink.

"Prewett." He called, taking her by the arm. She was wrong, unfortunately.

Gwen cringed as he got closer. 'This is what I get for being an absolute idiot, this is for all of those stupid innuendoes. I wish everyone would stop watching.'

"How do you fancy it?" He asked, his eyes shifting down. In his drunken state, he managed to see that she took a quick glance. "YOU LIKE IT. YOU DO BECAUSE YOU LOOKED."

Gwen, whose eyes were snapped shut, gasped and pointed to a random corner. "Oy, look, Gideon!"

Sirius made a swan dive behind an armchair, giving Gwen ample time to escape up to her dormitory. As she made it to the top of the stairs, she heard Sirius bellow, "THAT GINGER MINX LIES!!!"

"Dorcas, Cassandra…" She wheezed when she got up to her room, after running as quickly as she could.

"What's going on downstairs? We were just about to go and see. It's Potter and his friends isn't it?" Dorcas grinned. "Is Mr. Black involved?"

"Only far too involved." Gwen replied, shaking her head as her friends went downstairs.

While Sirius was regaling Gwen with all too awkward conversation, the _only_ tie bedecked James was still sprawled on the table. "This is so_cold_." He muttered to no one in particular.

"Maybe you should put some clothes back on."

"Lily?"

"James, you're on a table." She informed him, keeping her eyes focused on a rip in the wall tapestry behind James.

"I'm naked. Lily, I'm naked, will I be in trouble? YOU... Head Girl! Seen me NAKED… MERLIN, this is horrible!" James was yelling quite loudly, rolled unceremoniously off of the table and onto the floor with a horrible thud.

"James?" She thought about rushing to his side, but as he was _splayed_ on the Common Room floor, and very pissed, he probably would have taken it the wrong way.

"I'm all right...all right…" He said, getting up looking just as discombobulated as he probably felt.

"Remus is over there, he'll help you upstairs, James." Lily was trying her hardest not to laugh as James, who'd been shielding himself from Lily, ran straight towards Remus, arms open expecting a hug. Remus only shook his head, having seen a display like this from James far too often, and forced the drunken Head Boy up the stairs.

Sirius woke up the next morning with the most tremendous headache, still wearing his tie on his head, and still very very naked. He managed to find clothes before trudging over to the side table where Remus usually kept stores of hangover tonic. "There aren't any bottles, Padfoot. You decided to smash them all last night." Remus sounded tired, though not hungover, he hadn't nearly as much to drink as Sirius.

"What?" Sirius snapped. "What...there has to, oh bugger it, real men have hangovers."

"James has been retching in the toilet for about an hour. _Quite_ the Head Boy." Peter smirked, though he had bags under his eyes.

Sirius sighed, and slung his school bag over his shoulder, making the long, horrible walk down to the Common Room. Waiting for him at the bottom of the steps, with her arms folded, and looking quite smug, was Gwen, looking well rested. "Oh...you." He said with a faint smile, holding his arms open, walking towards her zombie like, expecting her to meet him with a hug, or at least let him collapse onto her.

Instead, she took the end of his tie, and flipped it up so that it hit him in the face. Seeing his anguished look, she sighed, and loosened the knot on his tie, and undid the top button of his shirt. "Sirius, never ever ask a girl if she fancies the angle of your...dangle, as it were." She whispered into his ear.

Sirius' eyes were as wide as Galleons. "Oh...Merlin, I don't remember any of that."

"Maybe it's best that you don't." She gave him a small smile, taking his hand. "Come on, Kate."

"Kate?" Sirius asked, confused. "I'm still not drunk, am I?"

"You and James did a Nude Shakespeare Theatre reenactment of The Taming of the Shrew. James was Petruccio." She smirked, as she let him amble slowly through the portrait hole before she went through.

"Oh god...last time we did The Merchant of Venice…" Sirius groaned. She gave his hand a squeeze. "Gwen, whatever it was that I did, I'm sure it was embarrassing, funny in retrospect, and something I'm completely and utterly apologetic about."

"Yes to all of the above." She replied, as they continued. She stopped him before they entered the Great Hall, looking surreptitiously for any passers-by. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You're great, you. You really are." Sirius smiled weakly, as she lead him into the Great Hall. Every clanking of silverware onto plates, and the voices of students seemed magnified beyond comprehension for Sirius. He followed blindly and sat down next to a very concerned looking Lily Evans.

"Where's James?" She asked sharply. Gwen decided it would be better that Sirius not sit next to her, and made him move so she could sidle in between them.

"Dunno." Gwen replied.

"Retching, been in the toilet all morning, I reckon." Sirius replied, his eyes still closed.

James was indeed slumped over the toilet in the prefects bathroom. "I am never drinking again." He groaned as a new wave of sickness swept over him, and he emerged to find someone holding a towel to him. He looked up to see green eyes full of concern.

"That sounds wise." Lily replied, as she sat down next to him. "Just be glad you didn't do what Sirius did. Because I would have never spoken to you again."

"Why? What did he do?" James asked, amused.

"Embarrassed Gwen with his friendliness, and nudity." Lily answered vaguely. "Regardless, I think it's because she's got brothers or something, but I wouldn't have tolerated it if you did that to me."

"What did I do?" James asked. "Last thing I remember was missing my shot glass. And I'm pretty sure I was clothed then."

"You rolled off of a table." Lily said, with a small grin.

"That's where the bruises on my sides are from." James groaned.

"I can tell McGonagall that you were too sick to get out of bed." She offered.

"Would you?" James asked, looking up at her with his bleary hazel eyes. "I...Lily, that would-"

"I'll tell her, James, don't worry." Lily said reassuringly. "Maybe you should go back up to your bed first, though. I'd help you but-"

"Oh you've helped enough, Lily." James managed to say before retching again into the toilet. "Sick. I hate vomiting. I hate Lupin for being such a damn good shot. I don't hate you though, Evans. Far from it."

Lily looked at him, trying to smooth his untidy black hair. "James, go back to Gryffindor Tower. I'll check back on you after Transfiguration." She thought of kissing him, on the forehead even, but thought against it, and rightly so, as he turned to the toilet once again.

* * *

**For anyone who is interested, Sirius and James were recounting a scene between Kate and Petrucchio in one of the first few scenes of "Taming of The Shrew." **

**Shakespeare wrote that, not I! **


	15. The Tamed Wershes

**So here it is. The end. And I still don't own anything.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it!**

* * *

"Alright, this is the day." Sirius began. "This is the day that determines whether we, the Marauders, are remembered forever, immortalised in Hogwarts legend." James just rolled his eyes. Remus gave a small cough of equal irritation. 

"Sirius, you give this speech _every time_ we pull a prank. I'm sure we'll be fine." Peter sighed as they were walking back from the pumpkin patch unassuming, with the one pumpkin that James was carrying.

"Yes but this isn't just a prank." Sirius added. "This is one that Gideon and Fabian suggested, _and_ that they'll be present for."

"They'll be seeing this?" Remus asked, completely disregarding his normal 'We shouldn't be doing this' speech for the chance to be a part of Hogwarts history.

"Well, it was their idea after all." Sirius said matter-of-factly, as they marched up the stone steps towards door.

"Does this mean that they've, you know, accepted you as Gwen's whatever?" James asked.

"Prongs, I would like to say that you just sounded absolutely ridiculous." Remus smirked.

"Motion seconded." Peter nodded.

"Thirded." As incorrect as it may be, it sounds funnier. Sirius smirked, just as Remus was about to interject. "It comes to pass that James Potter is the week's 'Dunce Marauder.' What's that, like the fifth time, this year?"

"Oh shut up, Sirius. You've been the only 'Quite Probably Diseased Marauder' since fourth year." James countered. "I'd rather be the 'Dunce Marauder' than the 'Diseased' one."

"I'm not diseased, you lot were just jealous." Sirius replied, pushing the doors open. "Still are."

The other three Marauders tried vainly to give Sirius the argument that they weren't jealous, and just looking out for his health and well being. But these arguments fell to deaf ears when he caught sight of Gwen walking out of the Great Hall, carrying a scone. "Fellas, if you'll excuse me." He grinned, scampering ahead towards Gwen.

Gwen was picking at this pilfered pastry, when Sirius swooped in out of nowhere and took a rather large bite. "You know, I was actually looking forward to that, Sirius." She sniffed, before pursing her lips.

"Raspberry, I should've known." Sirius grinned, the crumbs still on his lips. She shook her head at him, and refrained from sweeping the crumbs off with her sleeve.

"Raspberry and White Chocolate, and I'm _sure_ you just took a large chunk of white chocolate." Gwen muttered. "This was my 'Victory over Arithmancy' gift to myself, and there you go, ruining it."

"I can get you another." He offered. "Easily."

"That's hardly the point, Sirius. _I_ stole this from the Great Hall." She argued, gently nudging him towards the wall.

"But I can get a fresh one for you from the- why the bloody hell are we arguing over a scone?" Sirius asked curiously.

"I think I'm just deprived of all sorts of things." She said, eyeing him.

"Well it was a delicious scone. You should eat it now, as you _can't_ have all those things you are deprived of. And longing for." Sirius smirked, as they got to the portrait of the Fat Lady, the other Marauders not too far behind them.

"I don't want it now." She said, wrinkling her nose, as Sirius barked the password to the Fat Lady. He let her enter first, and followed her inside. He heard her make a tutting noise.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, looking over her shoulder. She held the scone up in one hand, the Daily Prophet in the other. Smirking, he took the scone out of her hand, and followed her over to a sofa.

"They're at it again, it looks like. Won't be long till they start attacking their own kind. Purebloods, that is." Gwen sighed, shaking her head. "That...that damn Dolohov, my brothers have been trying to get him for ages. And the Lestranges."

Sirius neglected the scone. "When they do, I'll empty my vault and get Gideon and Fabian whatever the hell it is they want."

Gwen continued, "Looks like my being a pureblood won't protect me anymore, They're starting to attack blood traitors…Merlin knows we're all blood traitors. All of us Prewetts…"

Sirius was only about half listening until something dawned on him. There had been a Prewett on the tapestry his family kept of the House of Black. In fact, he was quite sure that his aunt Lucretia married some bloke with the last name Prewett. And he was a ginger. Sirius remembered that much, at least.

In a zombie-like state, he left Gwen sitting on the couch alone. She, however, didn't notice, as she was still reading. He kept thinking back to the tapestry, entering the dormitory looking confused. "All right, Padfoot?" Peter asked.

"There's a Prewett on the Black Family Tree." Sirius said, staring at a spot on the wall. "And...oh god, what if, oh my god, what if I've been snogging my cousin? I can't remember if Uncle Ignatius had kids, he was kind of a hermit, oh my god."

"Did you bother asking Gwen?" Remus asked, crossing his arms. "Because, I'm quite sure you would've known if you two were cousins."

"Kissing cousins. It's an alliteration!" James snorted.

Remus shot him a look which James thought made him look constipated.

"Ha ha, James. That's just...wrong." Sirius made a disgusted look on his face, though laughing at James confusion.

"Go and ask her, you dolt." Peter added.

Sirius was shaking his head, fearing the worst as he went downstairs and found Gwen still reading. As he left he could hear silence, then James. "OH! Kissing starts with a k!"

"Gwen, your dad, he wasn't called Ignatius was he?"

"No, he was called Caspian." Gwen replied. "Ignatius was our mad uncle who married some hag of a woman named Lucretia. We got a card about their wedding, but mum and dad didn't want to, er, associate with her family."

"My family, you mean." Sirius answered. Gwen looked at him with confusion. "Lucretia was my aunt."

"Ah." She replied. "That, er, would have been awkward. Why were you asking anyway?" Gwen asked, looking back at her newspaper.

"Well you know how all purebloods are related." Sirius made a disgusted face that Gwen did not see. "Though this means we're not cousins, since it was your uncle, and not your father that married Lucretia, the hag. Oh thank god. You know, I thought this would've been a sick joke for the powers that be. Make me a womanizer, only to settle down with someone who turned out to be my cousin." He shuddered. Gwen felt her stomach flip at the words 'settle down' but decided to keep the feelings to herself.

"We're not cousins." Gwen laughed. "Maybe by marriage we're whatever, second cousins or something, but I can assure you that anything we do, once this challenge is over, is socially acceptable, and perfectly normal." She turned her attention back to her paper.

"Honestly, my mother would've probably been okay with my settling down with a cousin. Ergh. Pass on a pure family line." Sirius sounded absolutely disgusted.

"And have children with three toes, and missing teeth? Clearly a reason to intermarry." Gwen sniffed.

"I actually thought I'd get a muggle girl just to really piss them off. But a Prewett will do. Especially the sister of two Aurors." Sirius grinned.

"'A Prewett will do'?" She echoed. "Ah so you're _settling_ for me, you haven't, you know, fallen madly in love with me and that's why you're staying with me?"

"There's the fiesty ginger I've been looking for." Sirius grinned, putting an arm around her. "Care to lend me the newspaper?"

Gwen sighed, "Oh fine. I suppose I could finish Bill's scarf." And she handed Sirius the Daily Prophet, before running back upstairs to fetch her knitting.

James came downstairs, to find Lily sitting in an armchair nearby Sirius. Gwen returned with a basket of yarn and knitting needles and sat in her previous spot, Sirius' arm around her. "All right, Evans?" James grinned.

"Just waiting for you, Potter." She replied, with a hint of amusement. "Come on, Hogwarts waits for no one."

After they exited through the portrait hole, Lily felt James take her hand. "Really, James?"

"What?" He asked, dropping her hand immediately. "Sorry, should've asked, probably breaking Head Boy and Head Girl protocol or something."

"It's fine, James." Lily replied, trying to hide her amusement. "Never pictured Sirius to sit down and read a newspaper."

"They looked like an old married couple, wife doing the knitting, husband reading the paper, in front of the fire." James said in a voice that Lily found wistful and endearing. "And yes to Sirius reading. He hears something and remembers it forever, mind of a steel trap. Taught me to watch what I say."

"Apparently, he didn't teach you soon enough, you could've used it 'round fifth year." Lily grinned, nudging him gently as they walked through the empty corridors.

"Ah, well, we were all foolish once, nay?" James grinned. "Actually foolishness for me will continue for quite a while, especially tomorrow."

Lily stopped, and looked at him, her green eyes searching his hazel for any hint. "What...James Potter, is happening tomorrow?"

"I've already said too much!" He grinned. "It will be...you'll see."

---

Peter was looking at the pumpkin, brow furrowed in concentration. "Moony, you know I'm horrible at charms. How on earth am I supposed to duplicate this?"

"Wormtail, Prongs and Padfoot can deal with that, all you have to remember is how to levitate them all. I'm still working on how to get them to act at the same time." Remus replied, leafing through his papers.

"I can see why Gideon and Fabian would've had a tough time with this one." Peter sighed, as he practiced levitating several items in their room all at once. "How's this Moony?"

Remus looked up and grinned. "That'll do, Wormtail. That'll do."

Things were silent in their dormitory until Peter spoke again. "Think we'll get in trouble?"

"I don't doubt it, Wormtail. I don't doubt it." Remus laughed. "It will be worth it, though."

Peter stared at Remus, mouth gaping. "Who are you? Are you really Remus Lupin, are you really all right with getting a detention?"

"We're seventh years. We're near halfway through our last year. They should've kicked us out by now based on some of the things we've done. Well, some of the things _James_ and _Sirius_ have done." Remus grinned. "I reckon we're all right though, since our records are, ah, less tarnished, Wormtail."

----

Gwen's brow was furrowed as she stared at Arithmancy homework problem, that, and Lily, not Sirius joined her at her usual table at the library. She actually hadn't seen Sirius all evening, and it wasn't a night for Quidditch practice, so that meant he would normally occupy the spot next to her.

"All right, Gwen?" Lily asked, looking up from her Potions homework. "You look, er, troubled."

"Just can't figure out this assignment." She said, as she turned her head as though it would help her understanding. "And where the bleeding hell is Sirius? This is where he'd normally say something stupid like 'Gwen, quit worrying your pretty ginger head' for a bit of a laugh to clear my head, and then I'd figure out the homework."

Lily laughed. "Oh, Gwen. I think you'd go mad without him."

"I'm mad when he's with me, there's really no winning." Gwen smirked, though she felt herself blushing.

"You're Gwen Prewett?" A small first year Gryffindor asked her. Gwen nodded. He pulled out a feather quill from his bag and gave it to Gwen. Once she held it, it transformed into a sunflower, which, Gwen mentioned in passing ages ago, was her favourite flower.

"Thank you." She said, not looking at the first year, and was more intrigued at the flower. "Oh, there's a note, too?" She asked out loud, when the first year handed her something else.

Lily was admiring the magic. "That was quite good, who's it from?"

"Sirius." Gwen replied.

"Of course." Lily laughed. "Well, read it!"

Gwen read the note before reading it aloud. Knowing Sirius, there may be things written not meant for other people. "Well, it says 'Gwen, Can't make it to the library, you'll see why soon. -Sirius' and then there's a p.s. 'James is a stupid git, you'll also see why, very, very soon.'"

"James _is_ a git!" Lily replied. "Sirius was kind enough to give you a bloody flower, and a note telling you he wouldn't be here. James, on the other hand, who's fancied me for years, allegedly, not so much as a mention of wh-"

Lily was interrupted by a parade of house elves carrying large bouquets of lilies. "What on earth?" Gwen tried to restrain her laughter, but failed miserably as the seventh, and last, elf tried to fit the bouquet onto their study table.

"Seven bouquets?" Lily asked, incredulously.

"The lilies aren't for me, I know that much. They make me sneeze." Gwen grinned, stepping away from the table. Lily found a note in the fourth bouquet. She waited eagerly for Lily to share what the note read, even moreso when she saw Lily blushing.

"It...it says 'None of these lilies are as pretty as you, my Lily-flower.' Merlin, it's so sweet it's almost, no, it is cheesy." Lily commented, though she was grinning.

"Can't blame him for trying." Gwen laughed.

"And the p.s. says 'And I really don't want detention.' What does that-" Lily started to ask before they heard a loud explosion outside of the library. The two girls looked at each other before walking with trepidation to the library exit.

What they saw before them when they left was the entire wing covered, floor to ceiling, paintings, tapestries, suits of armor, statues, all covered in pumpkin innards, the four Marauders standing in the middle of it all, themselves covered, grinning madly at each other.

"I didn't think they'd do that!" James laughed.

Other students began to enter the wing out of curiosity. Gwen saw Sirius laughing with Peter at Remus, who managed to get a bit of pumpkin in his eyes. She couldn't help but grin as she saw that Sirius' hair was plastered to his head, weighed down by the pumpkin that was on his head.

"Oy, you." She laughed. Sirius looked up at her, wiping a bit of pumpkin off of his face as she walked closer to him, trying not to slip on the slick floor. "You've got a bit of pumpkin on you." She said as she tried wiping some more of the pumpkin out of his hair.

He didn't know why he did it, but he wiped a pumpkin covered hand onto her face. "So do you."

There was a moment of silence between them as Gwen processed what he just did. Grinning, she flung the pumpkin she'd just taken out of his hair back at him, and a pumpkin fight between the two ensued.

While Sirius and Gwen were running about, slipping on pumpkin occasionally, Lily was cautiously making her way towards James. "Did, er, did you like the lilies?" He asked, smiling nervously.

Lily, in the ridiculousness of the hallway being covered in pumpkin, momentarily forget about the lilies. "Oh! Yes...they were lovely. Seven bouquets James?"

James chuckled nervously. "Er, I didn't really want to get detention." He saw Lily's face fall. "Oh, and you're very lovely, and pretty and a wonderful girlfriend."

"I'm sure."

"No, really. It's mostly the second part. But I would be lying if I didn't say that not getting detention weighed heavily into the fact that there were seven bouquets." James said quickly.

While James stammered through his conversation with Lily, Remus was using Peter as a shield from the pumpkin flinging. "Sirius, would you quit flinging your seed at Gwen? I'm sure she doesn't want to be sticky and covered in it all day."

Gwen and Sirius stopped, but not because of Remus' request, but the phrasing of his request. Sirius grinned, and with a subtle nod of his head indicated that Peter should move. He flung some pumpkin innards that hit Remus directly on the neck. "Oh, yes, Remus, I'll just fling my _seed_ at you, this is _so_ erotic."

"Who's flinging his seed everywhere?"

"They should see a Healer."

The voices of none other than Gideon and Fabian Prewett interrupted Sirius' attack on Remus. Remus, however, took this as a chance to get back at Sirius. "Oh, Sirius. He was just flinging his seed at Gwen."

Sirius' eyes widened, and he told himself that the werewolf would pay most dearly, with doilies. "Er, no, see, look." He said, pulling Gwen next to him. "No seed. No seed at all. Just juice...er."

Gideon raised an eyebrow as Sirius continued to ramble. "I haven't, I don't think our pumpkins even _had_ seeds. But what pumpkin doesn't have seeds?" He panicked when he saw that Gideon was about to speak. "I didn't touch her pumpkins I swear!"

Gwen let out a sigh, as she put a hand up to her forehead in disbelief. "Honestly, Sirius, just be quiet!"

"This is really well done, though." Fabian mentioned to Peter, who looked positively thrilled that Fabian was speaking to him. He clapped Peter heartily on the back. "What was your part in this?"

"Ah, levitation skills." Peter grinned. "Remus got them to explode all at the same time, it was quite brilliant, and James and Sirius made about twenty of them, after using an enlargement spell."

"So you were flinging juice and seed at my sister?" Gideon asked. Sirius stammered inaudibly

"Oh shut it, Gideon. Get your horrid mind out of the gutter." Gwen replied. "And _why_ in Merlin's name are you wearing dragon hide pants?"

"Ah, don't they look fetching?" Gideon grinned. "Seems the ladies of Hogwarts like how my bum looks in them."

"I'm going to be sick." Gwen replied sourly.

While Gideon continued to regale his bum's appearance in dragon hide trousers, James was fruitlessly trying to convince Lily that the number of bouquets didn't matter, and that he had considered giving her a hundred lilies, when Sirius talked him out of it. "Potter." Lily's voice cut into James' long-winded ramblings.

"Er, yes, Evans?" James asked.

"Shut up." She replied, and, as portraits would describe it later to anyone willing to hear about the Great Pumpkin Explosion of 1977, she pounced. She caught James off guard, and he nearly slipped backwards, which would have been horrible as he probably would've bitten off her tongue. Luckily, he caught his balance.

Sirius, who was still rambling, heard Peter whoop, and he turned around to see James and Lily snogging. "Which, who, which one of them started it?" Sirius asked Gwen. She shrugged, and looked over at Remus.

"Don't ask me." He said, holding his hands up in defense.

"Well if you ask me," An old man from a portrait exclaimed, "I was surprised that he didn't fall backwards the way she jumped on him like that. Lucky fellow."

Sirius gasped as he realised what this meant. He looked at Remus who gave him a nod of approval, then he looked at Gwen, who, he just now realised, was holding his hand. She seemed to have been going through the same thought process. "So…"

"So." Sirius echoed.

"Suppose you could kiss me now." She mumbled, and she saw out of the corner of her eye, Fabian stepping over to Gideon, a hand on his shoulder to hold him back.

"Might be awkward, as we're covered in pumpkin." Sirius commented. He didn't know why he was feeling so nervous. He'd done his fair share of snogging. This should be no different. And yet it was. It was so very different, because this girl was _the _girl. She wasn't some bird he'd picked up...wherever, or some member of his fan club eagerly waiting for a snog. She didn't want to snog him because of who he _was_, he decided, but perhaps who he became.

"Would you just snog her already?" Gideon's voice interrupted Sirius' thoughts. He saw Gwen give Gideon a reproving glare. Sirius put his hand on her waist, bringing her closer. He wiped pumpkin off of her face, grinning nervously at her.

"You smell horrible." Gwen found herself saying, their faces, lips, inches away from each other. "I mean, really, really horrible. And you're dripping pumpkin on me. Disgusting."

Sirius grinned at her. "I know, you're looking fetching, covered in pumpkin."

Gwen's face was hot. Very very hot. She wondered why the pumpkin on her face wasn't frying, her face was that hot. She heard Gideon ask the same question again, this time adding. "Turn around, Fabian, this is not for our eyes."

"Snog her properly, eh, Black? We don't want to hear that our sister is stuck with some fish for a snogger. Prewetts deserve better than fishy snogs." Fabian said, before turning around.

And so Sirius kissed her. It was not, most definitely not, a fishy snog. Far from it. It tasted, well, frankly it tasted like pumpkin. And it was sticky. They heard an anguished scream and looked over at Gideon and Fabian. "The git turned around too fast." Fabian explained, as Gideon's loud histrionics filled the halls.

"My eyes! My precious, beautiful, brown eyes!" Gideon whined. "Scarred! Damaged! Never to see again!"

"Oh hush up you stupid tit." Gwen laughed. "Like mine aren't scarred with those stupid trousers you're wearing."

"I tried to talk him out of it, I really did." Fabian smirked, as Gideon continued to fill the hall with extremely fake sobs. Gwen rolled her eyes, and left Sirius' side to go and pretend to comfort her overdramatic brother.

Sirius felt a hand clap him on the back. "Ah, James. Have a good snog? I did."

"You do know what this means though, for you and Gwen." James grinned. "I was going to say something about you stealing my thunder, but I decided that I really don't care."

"Where is your precious Lily-Flower anyway?" Remus asked, tearing his eyes away from the sight that was Fabian looking ready to kick his brother.

James turned around, the other Marauders followed suit. "Ah bless her." Peter grinned. Lily was talking to Dumbledore, and they all clearly overheard Dumbledore lament that this many pumpkins would have made for delicious pumpkin bread.

"Oh,_honestly_, Gideon, _this_ coming from the person who sent me a rather long letter about his first snog, and his first shag?" Gwen muttered. Gideon immediately stopped. "Yes, forgotten about that have you? Because _I_ haven't. Ten years old, mentally scarred for life..."

"Er...blocked it out, mainly because of Molly's, erm, reaction." Gideon explained as he stood. "And it looks as though Sirius wants your company, and that he should be about two feet away from you during said company."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "No, Gideon, maybe I won't be two feet away from Sirius Black. Maybe I'll, maybe I'll write it in an extremely detailed letter that's two feet of parchment long."

Sirius wished she actually did something to warrant a two foot long letter. He thought it was the pumpkin. But Gwen, though she did give him a proper snog, kept to her shrewish form, and didn't give into Sirius Black's wiles. That ginger temptress.

* * *

**Some author's notes:**

With the end of "Mating of the Wersh," I feel like I should say something important, such as:

I would like to thank, first and foremost, my beta fuegodealmas, for enduring countless hours of my grammatical mistakes, plot prodding, and general ridiculous behavior that is unbecoming of someone in "college university".

Again many many many thanks to you lovely reviewers! I hope I haven't kept you all waiting!!

I would also like to mention that the song that was usually (nay, always) playing when I was writing was: "Every day is a holiday with you" -Esthero feat. Sean Lennon. So, if you're feeling particularly sappy, start reading the Wersh from Chapter 9, with this song playing. You will overload on the sweetness. You will, you will.

Many many thanks to fellow Sirius lover, EveyM for britpicking, long conversations on Sirius' up-against-the-wall-lip-nibbling tactics, and the damaging after-effects of alcohol. They were highly entertaining. They were.

Moste profuse thanks to Rach, the quintessential fellow crazy person for the countless jokes that have sprung up from making fun of hapless James, or sexless Sirius, or the Ginger Temptress that is Gwen Prewett. or her moste sexy-e brothers.

clearly these author's notes aren't beta-ed.

also. there is a completely finished, almost completely beta-ed follow up. It's short. well not short, but only four chapters.

and a oneshot. that one's short. at least for now...

stay tuned!


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